How do you know if you were raised by a narcissist? Are there any effects of parenting a narcissist? This article will talk in detail about how being raised by a narcissist affects you, and the signs of being raised by a narcissist.
If you were raised by a Hijackal®* parent, you know deep down that you’re not okay. You say you are, but you are not. Maybe, you can’t even put your finger on how you know you’re not.
I want to help with that. You may not have all five of these deep beliefs about yourself, but I hope this opens you up to understanding the awful gift your father, Hijackal, gave you.
Why?
So you can work on it, replace false beliefs, and recover fully.
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Your brain grows until your mid-twenties. it’s the truth. But, by then, you’re on the road, and you may not even take the time to examine what happened to you.
It’s just what you do, where you go, and with whom. You don’t realize the impact of everything that happened while your brain was developing. And it’s huge!
Think about this: what was going on in your house before you had language? Who was there? Were they glad you were? Are they disturbed by your presence?
Raised by a narcissist, you were preoccupied with experiencing life by putting everything in your mouth, exploring everything you could touch, and trying to make those “giants” – who you need to keep you alive – interested and happy.
She smiled and laughed and made encouraging sounds trying to lure them in. This didn’t work. I cried. They replied.
how? affectionately? happily? warmly?
Or were they just giving you the feeling that you were being annoyed and annoying and wasting their precious time?
It all makes a huge difference in how you feel about yourself right now.
(Of course, if you’ve already recognized the need to get help and changed this, you realize all of this with a sigh of relief. Good for you!) Unacknowledged, it can mess up your relationships, make you feel inadequate, and undermine your success.
Think about these five deep, dark, underlying truths about your life today. They’re the awful gifts I inadvertently — and unintentionally — received from an overprotective parent (or primary caregiver).
5 ways a narcissist can negatively affect your life
1) You don’t believe anyone can truly love you.
Even when they say they do, and pass you rings of fire, you’re still dubious. This is because a Hijackal parent left you feeling unloved, not good enough, and broken.
Oh, yeah, you may have a tough exterior that makes other people think you walk on water, but on the inside, you know no one will ever love you. It prevents you from getting the emotional intimacy that you desire.
2) Don’t trust anyone.
you want to. You really did it. And so you seem. But when a narcissist brings it up, there is always a nagging question in the back of your mind. Am I making a mistake? Am I wrong
Although they tell me the truth and their behavior seems to follow, you doubt it. You will also enter into a relationship and want to trust with all your heart.
so you. Until the first moment there is a flicker of a question.
“where is she?”
“Did you lie to me?
“Has he always lied to me?”
“Am I a fool?”
“I always knew he couldn’t really be trusted.”
Those are running through your head, right? You don’t want to be wrong. You want to be wise, so you are always on the lookout. This makes it very difficult to trust someone.
3) You have trouble with intimacy.
True intimacy is the kind that makes you feel close, comfortable, dear, known, appreciated, loved, and accepted.
Parent snap, can I be loved, am I loved, difficult people, no intimacy, pushed away – it goes along with your inability and unwillingness to trust another person completely.
It’s your vigilant guard. Children raised by a narcissistic or hijacked parent learn early on that they have to be vigilant, perhaps even hyper-vigilant.
Hijakal looked unexpected. Will you get the smiling person who thought you were walking on water or the tough guy who thinks you’re a nuisance?
It depended on the hour, so I got good at people-pleasing. Over the years, you have turned yourself into a pancake and a mop.
You may still be doing this in your current relationships. When you have a Hijackal parent, you are trained to do so to survive!
4) You rarely feel safe.
This goes along with a lack of confidence, but it extends to your whole world. If you’re anything like me, you were abused at home.
It happened in the night, secretly, and produced opposing feelings at the same time: You’re afraid and you think the person is supposed to love you.
How can you be safe?
When raised by a narcissist, you tend to live with one eye scanning the world for predators, while the other is trying to enjoy the person or world in front of you.
And those feelings may have gone too far from the ground. You don’t realize that they are still intentionally, running your life programs.
This is why you have to love yourself enough to get some help. These feelings can prevent you from experiencing true love, even true, sincere love, and affection from friends.
5) You are hungry for approval, an approval that you can believe and accept.
Hijackal’s parent competes with you. Since this is true, it will withhold your consent from you. Yes, sometimes they give it. But they were able to take it right away. You did a great job with that. I wish you could do it with everything, but that’s too much to hope for.
Withholding consent is a stealing tactic! If he accepts you, you will have an advantage. It will somehow make you equal. No kidnapped parent wants that. My mother used to say she couldn’t say anything good about me or I’d get a swollen head.
What a perfect Hijackal parental note! I justified her unwillingness to accept me right away. Oh, and her friends bought it, too.
You are constantly invalidated by parent Hijackal. Often the other parent is silent or agrees to keep the peace. Double whammy!
This makes it hard for you to truly believe the compliment deep down, or to ever believe that someone so wonderful, healthy, loving, agreeable, and free of Hijackal toys, actually loves you.
Many of my clients have admitted that they have looked rather bad at people. They are who they think they deserve. this is not true!
Does this help you understand those deep feelings, the ones that are undermining your self-esteem, your self-concept, and your confidence? These will also be the people who harm your relationships with yourself and others.
Related: 7 Warning Signs You Have A Toxic Sibling
