Do you still miss your abusive ex? Believe me, it’s okay with you. After getting out of a toxic and abusive relationship, it is very normal to miss your abusive ex.
“But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and live in his arms, that will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And in the end all scars will have scars, and that’s all I’ll be–a great scar of love.” that went wrong.” – Amanda Grace, but I love him.
How often have you felt that your ex was abusive and that you were lucky enough to get rid of her? You might fake that smile when your peers tell you that you should be glad you’re not in that abusive relationship anymore. But you can’t admit that you still miss your ex, knowing full well that she was abusive.
You might be reflecting on the fact that you were hurting during the relationship and now that it’s over, you should be happy with it. So why do you miss them? whats your problem? Is it normal to miss your ex-girlfriend who offended you?
Well, the truth is, there is nothing wrong with you. An abusive relationship affects the mental health of the victim, which is why you miss your abusive ex.
It may seem to you that you managed to get out of the relationship but that exit is basically a withdrawal. What you did is pull yourself up while deep down, you miss your ex which is totally legit.
5 Reasons you still miss your abusive ex
(1) You suffer from Stockholm Syndrome.
Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological condition that causes the victim to develop insane sympathy for the abuser. You love your abusive partner so much that you justify the abuse and are unwilling to let them go.
No matter how much you were abused, you will not leave because you are emotionally attached to your partner. For every offensive act, you will try to justify it either by blaming yourself or by sympathizing with the abuser.
“She was bullied at school,” “His childhood was horrible,” “She was abused by her relatives,” “He lost his father,” etc. will be your excuses. Since the person has already showered their love on you, it will be hard for you to believe that they are abusive. Even after leaving them, you will still miss your ex who abused you.
(2) You miss the good times you had with your ex.
Abusive partners are not abusive at all to begin with. They spend a great deal of time showing their partners testimonies of their love before revealing their true colours. Hence, you believe in those moments of love while your abusive ex was faking it all along.
These good times make you think that this abusive relationship isn’t permanent; Perhaps your partner will change and these moments will return. What you fail to understand is that there is no question of changing your partner. Your partner had these traits and fake love in front of you.
Related: Unwrapping the Mystery: 5 Reasons Why Narcissists Love to Ruin Birthdays and Holidays
(3) Your partner had a traumatic past.
Our life is not a blissful voyage on a ship. We all have our share of messy waves. We have our traumas but the severity may be different. It may happen that your ex has experienced more trauma than you. Since you loved them so much, you thought the abuse was just their way of dealing with their trauma.
But no matter how traumatized you are, it is inhumane to make others suffer for it. You need to understand that it is foolish to justify such harmful behavior by past trauma.
If your ex is having trouble coping with the trauma, you are there to support them. There are many support groups and counseling centers as well. You can’t be a punching bag. So, stop thinking about your abusive ex.
(4) You feel like everything is your fault.
In abusive relationships, the predator makes the victim suffer from shame. They make things look like your fault. This makes you feel that you are the reason for the failure of the relationship and therefore you should be ashamed of yourself.
So, even after you get out of the relationship, you think you should be to blame for the breakup; You miss your ex who abused you because you made him think he wasn’t responsible for it, but you are responsible.
(5) You still think things could have been different.
You fell in love with your abusive ex because of some of the qualities you saw in him. They were the person you always wanted to be with.
When they became abusive, you were manipulated into believing that everything was your fault. Since you love the good qualities they display, you still think that maybe things could have been different if they hadn’t acted in certain ways.
