Do you face frequent conflicts in your relationship? Do you feel emotionally detached from your partner? Then perhaps imago relationship therapy can help you heal from past trauma and avoid triggers to build a more positive relationship with your partner.

What is Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT)?

Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT), commonly known as Imago therapy, is a form of couples therapy that aims to help couples deepen their relationship, increase their intimacy, and resolve conflicts by helping them understand and communicate with each other more effectively.

Imago is a Latin word meaning “image”. The term imago in the IRT is thought to refer to an “unconscious image of familiar love”. It is a concept of an idealized, unconscious concept of familiar affection that we develop during our childhood and this concept of love remains the same even in adulthood.

How does IRT work

At the heart of IRT is the concept of “Imago,” which refers to the unconscious image of our ideal partner that we carry within us. This image is formed in childhood based on the relationship we had with our primary caregivers, and it shapes our expectations and desires in romantic relationships.

According to the IRT, we are drawn to partners who reflect the positive and negative aspects of the Imago, and our conflicts with our partners are often the result of unresolved issues from our past.

IRT is primarily developed based on our initial interactions with our parents or other caregivers during our childhood. As children develop their concept of love, they are likely to develop certain patterns of thinking and behavior to gain or survive love and affection and remain secure, either by inhibiting themselves or openly expressing their personal qualities.

However, since most parents are often unable to meet all of their child’s needs, whether intentionally or unintentionally, the child will develop both negative and positive behaviors related to his concept of ideal and familiar love. In adulthood, we seek romantic partners and relationships that fit our image or the “unconscious image of familiar love” in which we can express our repressed selves.

IRT allows individuals to define their own “avatar” so that they can reduce misunderstandings, arguments, and conflict in their relationships as adults and develop strategies for communicating and communicating openly. The purpose of imago therapy is to overcome negative patterns of behaviors and reactions and to react in a more empathetic and understanding manner.

Imago couples therapy is usually done over several sessions with a trained therapist, who helps the couple develop a deeper connection and work through any issues that may be affecting their relationship.

Origin of relationship therapy imago

Imago Relationship Therapy was developed by psychotherapist Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. In the eighties. Both Hendrix and Hunt had backgrounds in psychology and were experiencing difficulties in their marriages, which led them to explore different approaches to therapy.

Hendrix drew on his experience as a therapist and researcher to develop a model of couples therapy that was based on the idea that we choose partners who reflect the positive and negative qualities of our primary caregivers. He believed that conflicts that arise in our relationships are often rooted in unresolved childhood wounds.

Hendrix and Hunt refined this model over several years, and the technique was eventually published as a form of couples counseling in the New York Times bestseller Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Dr. Harvell Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelle Hunt.

Since then, Imago Therapy has been adopted by many therapists and couples around the world and adapted for use in a variety of settings, including individual therapy, family therapy, and group therapy.

It is recognized as a powerful tool for helping couples deepen their relationship and resolve conflicts by communicating with each other more effectively.

5 Basic Principles of IRT

Imago Relationship Therapy includes 5 basic principles that govern the technique –

Imagine your partner as a wounded child to reframe your perception of them

Rekindle the romance in your marriage or romantic relationship through gestures such as giving gifts, surprising each other, showing affection, and expressing gratitude

Turn complaints into requests to rephrase any frustrations or disappointments

Work through feelings of anger to find a solution
Reframe your relationship as a source of happiness, fulfillment, and security to envision a more positive future together
Benefits of Imago Relationship Therapy
Here are some of the most common potential benefits of IRT:

Increase understanding of the unconscious beliefs and patterns that drive relationship behaviors
Improve communication skills, including listening, expressing needs, and understanding others’ perspective
More empathy and understanding with the partner or family members
Increase feelings of connection and intimacy in relationships
More self-awareness and insight into one’s needs and desires
The ability to recognize and overcome patterns of destructive relationships and behaviors
Develop new skills and strategies to build stronger and more fulfilling bonds with others
Reducing negative relationship behaviors, such as criticism, defensiveness, and procrastination
Improve conflict resolution skills
Promote overall relationship satisfaction and happiness.
Types of imago therapy
While most people think that Imago therapy is mainly used for couples only, different types of IRT can help with different aspects of life and relationships. Here are some of the common types of IRT –

Couples therapy
The most common form of Imago therapy is couples therapy, in which this therapeutic approach focuses on helping romantic partners build a stronger relationship by understanding and addressing the unconscious dynamics that drive their relationship patterns.

It involves working directly with a therapist to identify and address the underlying issues causing conflict in the relationship. The therapist will use various techniques to help the couple communicate more effectively, understand each other’s perspectives, and work through any unresolved childhood wounds that may be affecting the relationship.

IRT uses a variety of techniques to help couples explore and understand their Imago and the dynamics that drive their relationship. Couples are encouraged to share their feelings and experiences in a safe and supportive environment, and learn active listening and communication skills that can help them express themselves more effectively. They may also be asked to participate in exercises or rituals designed to deepen their bonding and build empathy and understanding.

One of the main goals of IRT is to help couples move from a state of “dissociation” to a state of “connection.” This involves recognizing and addressing barriers to intimacy and developing new ways of communicating with each other that promote mutual support, respect and understanding. Through this process, couples can learn to see their partner in a new light and appreciate their unique strengths and qualities.

IRT has been shown to be effective for couples of all ages and life stages, and can be especially helpful for couples struggling with communication issues, issues of trust and intimacy, and unresolved past traumas.

Individual therapy
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) can also be used as an effective form of therapy for individuals seeking to improve their relationships with themselves and others. It can help you better understand your past experiences and how they may affect your relationships. By working through these issues in therapy, individuals can develop a greater sense of self-awareness and learn new strategies for building healthy relationships.

In individual therapy, the focus is on exploring the individual’s image and how it affects their relationships. The therapist helps the individual identify unconscious beliefs and patterns and understand how these patterns contribute to their current struggles.

Through IRT, individuals can learn –

Develop greater self-awareness and self-compassion
Recognizing and healing the wounds of their past
New communication and relationship skills
Build stronger and more fulfilling relationships with others
One of the main techniques used in IRT for individuals is called “dialogue,” which involves exploring and expressing one’s feelings and experiences in a safe and supportive environment. Through dialogue, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of their own needs and desires, and learn to express them more effectively in their relationships.

IRT can be especially helpful for individuals who struggle with issues such as codependency, trust, intimacy, and unresolved past trauma.

Group therapy
Imago’s workshops and group therapy sessions are designed to help couples and individuals learn more about themselves and their relationships in a supportive, non-judgmental environment. These sessions typically include group discussions, experiential exercises, and guided meditations.

In a group setting, participants can share their experiences and perspectives, and provide support and feedback as they work to overcome the challenges of their relationship. Group members can also learn from each other’s experiences and gain new perspectives and insights that can help them grow and develop their relationships.

Family therapy
IRT can also be used as a form of family therapy, helping families build stronger, more fulfilling relationships with one another. In family therapy, the focus is on understanding the underlying behavior patterns that contribute to family difficulties.

IRT family therapy can be especially helpful for families with issues such as communication problems, conflict, and unresolved past trauma. By helping families address the underlying dynamics that drive their relationships, IRT can help them build stronger, more fulfilling bonds with each other, and improve their family dynamics.

Steps in treating the imago relationship

IRT involves a structured approach to exploring and improving relationships. Here are the basic image treatment steps that you should know –

Imago identification
The first step in IRT involves identifying each partner’s “Imago”, the unconscious image or pattern of traits they are attracted to in a partner. This helps each partner understand why they are so attracted to each other and what they are looking for in a relationship.

Dialogue
IRT involves a specific form of communication called “dialogue”. This includes actively listening to the partner and expressing themselves in a non-judgmental and respectful manner. During the dialogue, the partners take turns talking and listening, with the goal of building greater understanding and empathy for each other.
Exploring children’s wounds
The IRT recognizes that many relationship patterns and behaviors are rooted in childhood experiences and traumas. By exploring these wounds, partners can gain greater insight into how their past affects the dynamics of their current relationship.
Become an conscious couple
IRT aims to help couples become “aware,” or aware of, the patterns and dynamics that drive their behavior in relationships. By recognizing and understanding these patterns, couples can begin to make more intentional choices and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Build relationship skills
IRT also involves building specific skills and strategies for improving communication, managing conflict, and building intimacy in relationships. This may include practicing new communication techniques, setting boundaries, or developing shared goals and values.

Imago therapy techniques

Imago Relationship Therapy uses several key techniques to improve communication and understanding between partners. Here is a closer look at three of the main techniques used in IRT:

Reflection
Mirroring involves repeating what the partner has said, to make sure it is understood correctly. This technique helps build empathy and understanding between partners by showing that one listens and cares about the partner’s perspective.

To use inversion, one might say something like “What I hear you say…” or “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying…”

Validation
Validation involves acknowledging and accepting a partner’s feelings, even if they don’t necessarily agree with them. This technique helps build trust and security in the relationship by showing that the partner’s feelings are important and worthy of respect.

To use validation, one could say something like “I can understand why you feel this way” or “It makes sense that you would feel this way given what you’ve experienced…”

Empathy
Empathy involves putting oneself in one’s partner’s shoes and trying to understand their experience from their point of view. This technique helps build empathy and connection by showing that one cares for and is invested in their partner’s well-being.

To use empathy, one could say something like, “I can imagine how difficult that must have been for you,” or, “I can see why that would be frustrating for you…”

These techniques can be incredibly effective in improving communication and understanding between partners. A skilled IRT therapist can help couples learn and practice these techniques in a safe and supportive environment.

Is IRT effective?

So does Imago therapy work? Well, there is evidence to suggest that imago relationship therapy can be an effective approach to improving relationships. Couples who participate in IRT experience significant improvements in relationship satisfaction and communication skills and are more likely to report feeling closer and more connected to their partner.

A recent study revealed that Imago therapy is more effective and beneficial than Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for couples in promoting positive feelings, and tolerance, and reducing marital boredom among romantic couples. Additional research shows that it can effectively improve a participant’s attitude toward relationships, intimacy, and love by systematizing experiences developed through early experiences.

According to a 2017 study, after 8 weekly sessions of 1.5 hours each, “The Imago Therapy Training Program showed a significant effect on maintaining a healthy family and developing warm, friendly relationships between couples.” Aside from building intimacy, IRT can also help reduce marital fatigue and increase marital satisfaction even after the sessions, although there may be a slight decrease after treatment ends.

Another 2018 study revealed that IRT can successfully improve the mental health of romantic couples by enabling them to meet their physical, mental, and emotional needs as a couple. Researchers also found that imago therapy can effectively improve communication patterns and reduce negative relationship behaviors among intimate partners.

Couples who participated in IRT reported significantly increased relationship satisfaction and were more likely to report feeling closer and more connected to their partner. A 2016 study explains: “Participation in IRT sessions increased one’s ability to accurately empathize with a partner/spouse.”

However, it is important to note that like any treatment approach, the effectiveness of IRT will depend on the unique needs and circumstances of the individuals or couples involved. It may not work for everyone, and success may depend on factors such as the quality of the therapist-client relationship, the motivation of the participants, and the level of commitment to the treatment process.