Do you ever find yourself making a lot of compromises for the sake of your relationship? Do you find yourself so invested in your partner’s happiness that you forget about your individuality? You may think that these actions increase the strength of a healthy relationship. But the truth is, you are a victim of codependency in a toxic relationship.
Here’s everything you need to know about codependency in a toxic relationship and how to recover from it.
Codependency can be an unhealthy side effect of a toxic relationship with a narcissist. But what does “co-dependence” really mean? What are the signs of dependence on others? What is the relationship of the dysfunctional family to co-dependence? How do you stop depending on others?
Definition of accreditation
What is codependency?
When you hear someone use the word “codependent,” often the first thing you think of is someone who is in a relationship with an alcoholic or drug addict. This is because the term was developed specifically for this type of relationship — initially.
What is the origin of the term dependence on others?
The term was developed by therapists who noticed that family members often take on the psychological defenses and survival behaviors of an alcoholic or drug addict, and thus the disease extends from the individual to the entire family.
What is the definition of reliability?
Codependency is defined as an unhealthy relationship where partners are overly dependent on each other. As a result, a non-functional pattern of living and problem-solving develops between the two. This is a learned behavior, often learned in childhood, which means it is often passed on from parent to child throughout several generations. Psychologists consider it a behavioral and emotional condition that affects your ability to have healthy relationships.
Who is affected by codependency?
Originally, the term was used to refer to family members of alcoholics and drug addicts. Today, we understand that codependency also affects people in toxic relationships. Codependency starts in the family, which means it can affect any type of relationship, but a codependent personality develops in childhood due to family dynamics.
Related: Why It’s Hard To Let Go Of An Unhealthy Relationship: 11 Reasons
How does codependency develop in a dysfunctional family?
What is a dysfunctional family?
Dysfunctional families are more common than most people realize. While a dysfunctional family deals with regular conflict and blatant (and more subtle) misconduct, it often appears “normal and healthy” to outsiders.
Indeed, many children in dysfunctional families deal with physical or emotional neglect, and in some cases, psychological and/or physical abuse from parents, stepparents, and older siblings, often on an ongoing basis.
Why does a child from a dysfunctional family become a dependent adult?
We develop our understanding of the world and our place in it in childhood. Our parents reject us, ignore us, or ignore us, making us feel like we don’t care, or that we haven’t been seen or heard. When we feel unimportant, invisible, and unworthy, we begin to see ourselves that way.
We are not validated and in fact, devalued by our dysfunctional families. This leads us to become unhealthy and dependent adults. And if we don’t treat ourselves, we can end up raising codependent and dysfunctional children, who may then continue the cycle with their children.
Bottom line: Children growing up in a dysfunctional family become dependent adults because dysfunction seems natural to them, so they unconsciously seek it out or attract it to themselves. Then they pass it on to their children, who, in turn, do the same. This is why full personal development is required to fully overcome codependency – and to protect future generations from dysfunction.
Dependence in toxic relationships
As you might expect, this is also a common phenomenon among people who are in relationships with narcissists. This is because the narcissist has such inaccessible standards in any relationship that “display” is treated as an extension of the narcissistic self when it is appropriate – and nothing when it is not.
Does this make sense? Both the narcissist and the codependent have no sense of self – so they need to connect to another person (the narcissistic supply) to drain their energy and personality.
Signs of dependence in a toxic relationship
How do you know you are in a codependent relationship with a narcissist?
When two people have a very close relationship, it is normal and mentally healthy to depend on each other for certain things. However, if one of you is toxic, abusive (mentally, physically, or otherwise), controlling, and/or overly neglectful of the other person in the relationship, this can lead to codependency.
If you are the victim in this situation, losing sight of who you are, just to please the other person, the relationship can become very unhealthy. One of the most troubling elements of a relationship is self-reliance.
