Your relationship is meant to be a safe haven, a space where you feel safe and happy. But when you’re with a manipulative person, it’s an impossible dream. This post is about how manipulators work and examples of manipulation in relationships.
The problem is that most of the time it is hard to understand that you are being manipulated because this is someone you love and trust. Even the thought that they would use manipulative phrases on you is unfathomable. But unfortunately, if you are already in a toxic relationship, you need to know and understand the things manipulators say and how manipulative language works.
This does not mean that you are stupid or a bad person because you are suspicious of the person you love, it simply means that you treat yourself with love and respect. And no matter how much you love someone, this is just as important
Some manipulative statements are completely in your face and these are the ones that are very blatant and easily understood. On the other hand, there are some statements manipulators use that are very subtle and may not even sound like manipulation, but are just as problematic as the previous ones, if not more.
So, how do you spot manipulation in relationships? Let’s discover some examples of manipulative phrases.
Related: 5 Ways You Feel When In A Toxic Relationship
10 Examples of Relationship Manipulation: Manipulative statements that are not only hurtful but can make relationships toxic.
- “You always overreact to everything!”
Never in history has this line been able to stop the conflict and calm things down, but rather make things much worse. This may sound like a really harmless statement made in the heat of the moment, but it’s actually one of the most manipulative sentences out there.
When your partner knows all of your emotional vulnerabilities and triggers, they use this manipulative phrase to motivate you more, so they can have the upper hand during an argument. Naturally, when you hear that line, you tend to get more upset and feel more angry and humiliated.
10 Examples of manipulation in relationships
Manipulation statement examples
- “Why do you make things up? This never happened!”
This is one of the most manipulative things in a relationship, and arguably one of the worst. When your partner questions your reality and pretends like you’re making things up, or doesn’t “remember what really happened,” they’re making you question your sanity, also known as gaslighting.
Making someone doubt themselves while they’re hurting is one of the worst things you can do for someone. Therefore, when your erring partner acts as if they are innocent and there is something wrong with your memory, know that they are manipulating you.
- The silent treatment.
The silent treatment is a very good excuse for manipulators to torment and offend you. They may tell you that they don’t want to talk to you for a while because they want to “decompress” and “need some space,” but all they’re doing is punishing you.
This is one of the biggest signs of manipulation in relationships. The manipulator knows that silence and distance will drive you crazy, and even though you’re not in the wrong, you’ll be the one to apologize and give in.
All you want is for them to talk to you and for them to do that, you’re willing to make up emotionally for them. And when they finally turn up, you’ll be grateful for their forgiveness, and you’ll never be determined not to say or do anything that puts them “away” from you.
- “Do you always have to be so dramatic?”
Another classic example of verbal manipulation, which can make you question yourself and your feelings. When your partner does something that really upsets or hurts you, and you express that to him, he quickly turns the tables and accuses you of being a drama queen.
The manipulator hates it when you see through their bull and question their behavior, which is why they resort to this tactic. They are willing to portray you as crazy, just so they can keep their skin and stay in control.
- “You are the reason I act this way.”
If your partner makes a statement like this, run and never look back. This is one of the most common things manipulators say and probably also the most dangerous, in my opinion.
When they hold you accountable for their bad behavior, that’s when you know they really are toxic people. By blaming you, they are trying to justify their bad behavior.
Saying things like, “You annoyed me, that’s why I didn’t answer your calls,” or “I saw you talking to your male colleague, that’s why you flirted with two women at the club,” are classic examples of relationship manipulation.
- “You need to change the way you think and feel.”
Of course, this is your fault and you should be the one to change how you react to manipulation and toxicity. This is just another way of blaming you, rather than taking responsibility for their harmful actions.
When you’re in a relationship with a manipulative person, your feelings, opinions, and boundaries don’t matter; They just do. All they care about is putting the spotlight on you and making you think that you are the problem in the relationship, not them.
They know that the only way they can get their needs met is by brainwashing you into believing that you are the toxic person in the relationship who needs to change and that they are always the hapless victim.
- “Your friends are a bad influence on you and our relationship.”
Your friends are probably the only people in your life who really know what’s going on in your relationship, and what kind of person your partner is. So naturally, your partner will have a problem with them and hate the important place your friends have in your life.
Your partner sees your friends as a threat to their perfect plan to manipulate and put you down, and so they will do their best to create misunderstandings between all of you, and ultimately isolate you. The only close person in your life will be your manipulative partner, and without your friends looking out for you, they will be able to continue the psychological and emotional abuse, without any upheaval.
- “I don’t want to talk to you / We don’t have to talk about this.”
This is one of the more subtle relationship manipulative statements, but it’s very toxic nonetheless. When a manipulator realizes that you are trying to hold them accountable for their actions and that you don’t buy into their lies and stories, they will resort to avoiding you and any kind of conversation.
They will do anything and everything to avoid having a serious conversation with you, and if you insist, they will immediately play the victim. They’ll say things like, “It was a really rough day today. I just wanted to go home and relax for a bit but you’re not going to let that happen,” or, “I’m not going to talk about this just because you want me to.”
- “If you feel this way, you need to deal with it. It’s not my fault that you feel this way.”
Another classic blame-shifting tactic. They know what they did, and they know how much it hurt you, but they will never take responsibility for it. Not even for a second. The moment you question them, they will make you feel guilty for feeling so bad in the first place.
They hate it if you question their behavior or doubt them in any way, so they simply expect you to change the way you think and feel, and they suck at it. No matter how bad they hurt you, they won’t do anything to make things better; They will simply expect you to deal with your pain on your own.
- “I’ll apologize if…”
A true apology never comes with strings, and if your partner apologizes and then tries to justify their behavior, they won’t regret their behavior at all. The apology they give you is a fake apology. If they try to blame you in any way for their behavior, they are not apologizing to you, but rather manipulating you.
When you are in an exploitative relationship, this is a common occurrence. If they really understood their mistake and wanted to change for the better, they wouldn’t try to blame you. They were simply apologizing and trying not to make that mistake again.
Related: Why You Should Never Let Your Loneliness Drive You Back To A Toxic Ex
How to deal with manipulation in relationships
- Set strong boundaries.
This is one of the best things you can do when it comes to dealing with manipulation in relationships. Setting strong personal boundaries will keep negativity and manipulation out of your life, and will clearly give the message that you know your worth and that you are not someone to be trifled with.
No matter how much fun the two of you might have together, knowing when to keep them both out of your life, and knowing when to draw the line will keep both of them on their toes and on your guard. This way, they will never be able to exploit your weaknesses.
- Call them when you suspect they are trying to play you.
One of the best ways to respond to manipulative statements is to call her directly, without spamming your words. When you show a manipulator that you can see through, he will be forced to back off.
Don’t be afraid of conflict because the more they respect you and try to let things go, the more they will try to play you. So when you feel like something is off, don’t beat around the bush and get straight to the point.
- Go all Gray Rock ’em.
The Gray Rock method means that you are completely silent on the manipulator when you realize what games they have been playing with you. You cut off all contact and walk away from them, and no matter how many times they call or text you, you just don’t answer back.
Gray Rock is one of the best things you can do when it comes to dealing with people like them. No matter what they tell you, or how often they apologize, don’t trust them; Be very wary of them during this stage because they will try their best to get your good books.
Stand your ground, stand strong, and believe in yourself. Don’t let them in and show them they messed with the wrong person.
Related: 7 Common Traits Shared By People Who Grew Up In Dysfunctional Families
- Rely on loved ones for support and advice.
Dealing with manipulation and abuse can drain a lot out of you, but you don’t have to go through this alone. When things seem really frustrating or when you feel like you just can’t do it anymore, don’t hesitate to count on your loved ones for love and support.
Listen to what they have to say, and ask for their advice because at the end of the day they love you and only want the best for you. Just because you’re on the other end of manipulation and abuse doesn’t mean you can’t seek love and help from your loved ones.
If you have been manipulated and taken advantage of by someone you love, please don’t think it is your fault. Always remember that you are not the problem, they are. Love yourself, be kind to yourself, and most importantly, give yourself the time and patience to deal with this and move on.
