In-laws’ relationships can be complicated at times, especially the relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. Most of the time, these thorns are subtle, but there are times when this sense of hate can come out in the open. Just like toxic mother-in-laws exist, so too do toxic stepmothers, and there could be many reasons for this.
The unconscious fear that you think she is not good enough for your son, the social conditioning that every mother-in-law has towards her daughter-in-law, or that you simply do not like her and do not consider her an organic part of the family.
If you have a toxic spouse who is always getting under your skin, you can look out for some signs that may help you understand her and deal with the situation better.
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What is a toxic daughter-in-law?
Just like toxic parents, there are toxic boyfriends and partners, as well as toxic daughters-in-law, and they can definitely be a handful. One of the main things that makes her problematic is the fact that no matter how nice and respectful you treat her, she will always be terrible to you.
Dealing with a toxic daughter-in-law is nothing short of a nightmare, and if you’ve ever had one, you’ll know exactly what that entails. They can be really selfish, narcissistic and insensitive towards their mother-in-law, even if you are the nicest and best person there.
To deal with a daughter-in-law like this, you need to look for some signs. Let’s find out the main signs of a toxic daughter-in-law below.
10 Signs you have a toxic spouse
- She never shows any sympathy towards you.
No matter what you are going through, she never shows any kind of empathy or sympathy towards you, and rarely does she show up to help you. As a vital member of your family, if you notice that your daughter-in-law hardly cares about you and your well-being, then this is a sign that they don’t love you.
At most, it might give you a routine call, but that’s it; She will not show any kind of genuine interest in you and your problems. She will continue to live her own life without a second thought because, to her, you and your problems hold no value, and even if something were to happen to you, it wouldn’t affect her much.
- She will try to create problems between you and your son.
Your toxic daughter-in-law will always try to keep your son away from you and will manipulate and turn him against you. Maybe you’re too clingy, too needy, or just not giving them enough space — the lies keep coming, and before you know it, you hardly see your kid anymore, except maybe once or twice a year.
She will emotionally blackmail him, brainwash him by calling you insults, and even worse, she may convince him not to support you financially anymore.
She will try to limit the amount of time he spends with you and will manipulate him into completely ignoring you. There may come a point when your relationship with your son has fallen so low, that he may even stop talking to you.
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- She will be openly hostile to you.
No matter how nice you try to be nice to her, she will always be hostile and unfriendly towards you. She always looks pissed off and angry, wherever you are, and will go so far as to ignore you when you try to talk to her.
She treats you like a nuisance and persona non grata and tries her best to stay away from you and even your shadow.
And that’s not all, she will make fun of you in front of others and if you disagree, she will say she is simply joking. The best thing she does is make you feel like a burden, and she loves to see you feel humiliated and sad.
- Treating you as a second-class citizen.
She will go out of her way to make you feel unimportant and irrelevant to the family. During a family discussion, if you give your opinion, you will immediately reject it and make you feel stupid about yourself. She will always treat you badly no matter how good you are to her.
This will affect you mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, and before you know it, you find yourself second-guessing your place in the family. This
- She makes your son and grandchildren spend most of the holidays with her side of the family.
Not that spending holidays with your in-laws is a bad thing, but you will notice that your son has started to spend every vacation with his in-laws. He hardly spends Christmas or Thanksgiving with you, and simply sends a card to wish you.
You realize now that your son is married, it’s important for him to prioritize his wife’s family as well, but what hurts is that he completely forgot about you and never showed any interest in spending any time with you.
Your toxic daughter-in-law will do everything she can to keep you away from your son, and will always monopolize him and his time. Even when there is room for compromise, she will make sure you never see your son during these special occasions.
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- You are not allowed to see your grandchildren.
Your grandchildren are your world, but unfortunately, when you have a toxic daughter-in-law, rest assured that you won’t be able to see them or even talk to them.
You hate it if her children warm to you, and she wants to spend time with you; She will do everything she can to make sure that never happens.
If your grandchildren consider you a great-grandmother, they will be brainwashed into thinking that you are anything but. She will tell them that you are a bad person who only cares about them and herself.
If you give your grandchildren any gifts, it takes them away and gives them all sorts of horrible explanations and excuses as to why they don’t accept gifts. If they want to visit you, she forbids them to do so. And this goes on and on until the time they completely lose interest in seeing you.
- She gets annoyed and defensive at the drop of a hat.
She gets defensive and gets annoyed whenever you give your opinion, it’s like she hates your voice and she can’t stand it at all. Even if you say something nice, or give some valuable advice, she will lose her temper and accuse you of petting her.
This continued disrespect makes you question her motives and behavior, and you keep wondering why she was criticized in this way. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. When you have a toxic wife, she will always try to bring you down, despite your positive intentions.
- She is very unpredictable.
Although being somewhat unpredictable isn’t the worst quality you can have, it does happen when a toxic daughter-in-law is involved. You never know what to expect from her, because one day she’s going to be nice to you, and the next, she’s going to treat you like garbage. Everything depends on her mood.
On her bad days, she will make you feel irrelevant, unimportant, and stupid, no matter how much you love and love her. After a certain point, this ends up affecting your mental and emotional health and you don’t know what to do to have a friendly and normal relationship with her.
- Involve your son and her husband, even in small matters.
Whenever you decide to stand up to her or refuse her bidding, she immediately brings your kid in to make things more complicated. She manipulates him and makes everything your fault so that you have to back off and do whatever she wants you to do.
She knows full well that your son’s happiness and peace are your number one priority, and that’s exactly what she uses to get you to do what she wants. You will never confront your son, and that’s what you’re counting on.
- She talks negatively about you behind your back.
If harassing and tormenting you wasn’t enough, the toxic stepmother will always spread dirty rumors and talk negatively about you behind your back. Whether it is in front of friends or relatives, she will always speak badly of you and will go so far as to make up outright lies.
Her motive is not only to humiliate you but also to create problems between you and others. She loves seeing you unhappy and will leave no stone unturned to make sure you feel left out and sad.
4 Ways You Can Cope With Your Daughter’s Toxic Daughter
- Try to understand why she is behaving this way.
It can be hard trying to be the bigger person when your daughter-in-law is always being rude to you. But despite all that, if you still want to have a friendly relationship with her, you need to understand why she is the way she is.
Is there something bothering her about you? Did you accidentally hurt her at some point? Is she from a dysfunctional or toxic family? Or is she just a bad person?
There are many reasons why a toxic person is the way they are, and although you don’t deserve to be treated this way, if you want to form a relationship with her, you should probably try to understand the source of her anger. help you do that. There’s no guarantee that this will make things right, but it’s worth a try, right?
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- Accept that she is the woman your son has chosen to marry.
Many mothers-in-law tend to treat their daughters-in-law as just extras in the family, rather than real family members. This can affect the daughter-in-law’s mental and emotional health and make her feel unwanted.
If you are guilty of doing so, intentionally or unintentionally, then understand that she is the woman your son married and that she deserves to have an important position in the family.
But if you don’t make her feel unwelcome, and she still chooses to act this way with you, you should still accept that she is your daughter-in-law. Understand that if your son marries her, she will probably make him happy. Your relationship with her may not be the best, but you can be friendly with her for the sake of your son.
- Respect her boundaries and give her some space.
Whatever is bothering you, you need to respect her boundaries and give her the space she needs. If you feel uncomfortable about something you do or say, you need to respect that. Don’t try to impose your presence and opinions on her, and give her the space she wants.
She may feel like you’re doing the right thing by making an effort to integrate yourself into their life, but from her point of view, it may seem a little stifling and forced. So don’t overdo it trying to build a relationship with her, and let it be. If you respect her space, you may have a better relationship with her.
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- Make your peace with the fact that she may never change.
Sometimes, you need to accept things that you can’t change, and the same goes for this as well. You have to accept her as she is and the fact that she may never change her ways. Even though you’re trying so hard to be nice to her, if she’s still being rude to you, you need to let it go.
Toxic people rarely change, and if you keep hoping they will, you’re setting yourself up for even more frustration. Make your peace with the fact that this is who she is and who she always will be.
Be nice to her when you see her for your child’s and grandchildren’s sake, but don’t go on trying to form a normal relationship with her. You will only end up being more humiliated and insulted.
