Narcissistic parenting can have a significant impact on a child’s psyche, emotional and psychological development, and well-being. The effects of narcissistic parenting can be far-reaching, and a narcissistic parenting style is one of the worst things for children.

Why does it matter if the parent is a narcissist? How does that hurt the child?

You might ask these questions if you are co-parenting with a narcissistic ex; someone who was raised by a narcissistic parent; or A person who is in a relationship with a narcissist. Or perhaps a divorce specialist working on a case involving a narcissistic father.

Given my research and clinical experience, I would like to provide some education and awareness about how children can develop this disorder.

First, let me state that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is misunderstood when applied to someone arrogant, arrogant, and all about themselves.

While these traits are annoying and not fun to be around, narcissism is a deeper and more destructive disorder that has devastating effects on people in relationships with the individual.

It is a difficult disorder to treat. Many believe that it is not treatable. The cornerstone of this disorder is a lack of empathy and an inability to immerse oneself in the emotional world of others.

So how does narcissistic parenting affect children?

30 Ways Narcissistic Parenting Affects a Child

The child will not feel heard or seen.
The child’s feelings and reality will not be acknowledged.
The child will be treated as an assistant to the parent, not as a person.
The child will be valued more for what he does (usually for the parent) than as a person.
The child will not learn to recognize or trust their feelings and will grow up with a lack of self-confidence.
The child will be taught that how they look is more important than how they feel.
The child will be afraid of being real, and instead will be taught that image is more important than authenticity.

The child will be taught to keep secrets to protect the parent and the family.
The child will not be encouraged to develop a sense of self.
The child will feel emotionally empty and uncared for.
The child will learn not to trust others.
The child will feel exploited and manipulated.
The child will be there for the parent, and not the other way around, as it should be.
The child’s emotional development will stop.
The child will feel criticized and judged, instead of feeling accepted and loved.
The child will feel frustrated trying to find love, acceptance, and attention in vain.
A child grows up feeling “not good enough.”
The child will not have a role model for healthy emotional relationships.

The child will not learn the proper boundaries of relationships.
The child will not learn healthy self-care but will be at risk of being dependent (caring for others to the exclusion of self-care).
The child will find it difficult to get the necessary exclusivity from his parents as he gets older.
The child will be taught to seek external validation as opposed to internal validation.
The child will get a mixed-up, crazy message that “Do well to make me proud as an extension of the parent, but don’t do well and outshine me.”
A child, in the event of parental superiority, may be jealous of the parents.
A child is not taught to give himself credit when he deserves it.
The child will eventually experience some level of PTSD, depression, and/or anxiety in adulthood.
A child grows up believing that he is unworthy and unlovable, because if my father could not love me, who would?

The child will often feel ashamed by a narcissistic parent and will grow up with poor self-esteem.
A child often becomes either an overachiever, a self-saboteur, or both.
The child will need to recover from the trauma and will have to re-parent in adulthood.

Professionals often miss it, because narcissists can be charming in their presentation, projecting an image of how they want to be seen.

Behind closed doors, children feel self-suffocation and struggle with loneliness and pain. The narcissist is not responsible for his mistakes or behavior, so the child believes that he is to blame and that he spoiled his childhood.

Having worked as a mental health care provider with thousands of children, as well as adult children of narcissistic parents, I see the above symptoms over and over again.

Lifestyles are different, and stories are different, but they all wave the same emotional flags. It’s a complete list. It takes hard work to recover to get better and feel better.

If you are the other parent or part of the extended family, and you are trying to fend off the effects of a narcissistic parent, you will have double duty as the responsible parent.

The best approach is for the parents to be empathetic—the opposite of narcissism. If you are a divorce professional and are dealing with a case involving a narcissist, help the kids by really understanding the dynamics of this disorder.

Don’t make it smaller. Ensure that children undergo therapy and learn assertiveness skills to use with a parent who is not emotionally in tune with them. Put the kids first.

30 Ways Narcissistic Parenting Affects a Child

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