Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist and do you know how all narcissists behave in romantic relationships?
Narcissists have many predictable patterns, and their romantic relationships are no different. If you can learn their patterns, you can better protect yourself from them and from being manipulated.
They usually follow a certain pattern and are predictable throughout any romantic relationship they are in.
Here are the three ways that narcissists act in romantic relationships
- Love bombing
At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists are often like a “love bomb.” This is where they over-compliment and care about you.
During a love bombing, a narcissist is funny, kind, considerate, and all the other things you look for in a partner. They often tell you how amazing you are and how you mean the world to them. The narcissist calls you all the time and spends most of his free time with you. They seem to share many of your interests and have similar opinions as you. You start to wonder if you’ve found “The One”.
The narcissist is often quick to rush the next stages of a relationship. They may suggest that you live together, marry, have children, or all three! If they are rich, they might convince you to give up your job.
It can be a whirlwind romance.
Related: Are You Married To A Narcissist? Here’s What You Need To Know
- Devaluation
Once the narcissist feels “hooked” on her, the devaluation stage begins.
The narcissist may feel that you are hooked if you show signs of emotional attachment to him. Or you are dependent on them because of moving in, getting married, or having children. See what they were doing on the “Love Bombing” stage?!
They sink their claws into you, and then the games begin!
Narcissists often start with hidden failures. If challenged, they claim they were joking. They may even blame you for being too sensitive. It makes you question yourself, and let their snide comments slide.
But in fact, it is gradually eroding your boundaries. Like the sea raging relentlessly on the rocks. They stress you into accepting their negativity, and the comments get nastier and more frequent.
The narcissist stops caring about your “mutual” interests. They love hiking in the countryside. But now it’s the last thing on their minds.
They start talking more, listening less, and becoming more in control. She may start with the bad treatment she is receiving, and either leave or threaten to leave. Narcissists hate being single, so they act fast. And back to the “love bombing” stage.
They make excuses for their behavior – stress at work, depression, fear of losing you, etc. and start being nice to you again. for now.
You naturally forgive them and enjoy being treated like royalty again. But you probably know where this is headed…
As soon as they feel that you are “hooked” again, they gradually return to the stage of devaluation. And start insults and insults.
Your relationship oscillates between the love-bombing phase and the devaluation phase, over and over again. And the more often this happens, the less time you will spend in the love-detonation stage, and the more time you will spend in the devaluation stage.
This naturally strips you of your confidence, and depression and anxiety become commonplace. You start to accept their bad behaviors, and hang on to the “good times.” You may feel like you don’t deserve any better than that. So you become more accepting of their increasingly negative behavior. And only when they lead you to your lowest point…
Related: The One Thing You Must Do To Cut A Toxic Partner Out Of Your Life Completely
- Ignore the stage
Suddenly, the narcissist decides they don’t want to be in a relationship with you. Except they wouldn’t say it that way.
They will blame you for why they ended it. You weren’t showing them enough love. I have become very “sensitive”. I have changed. etc.
But the real reason is usually that they found someone else. Narcissists hate being single. So they only end things when someone else lines up. They may or may not be cheaters, but they usually have something in the works.
Their excuses usually involve not doing enough for them. This is the smart part. They leave you thinking you were the bad partner.
Some people beg them to come back, promising they will be better. While others feel guilty for ruining the relationship. The narcissist rubs their hands and loves such a situation because they know they can extract more from you.
The narcissist is running out of fresh supplies, but he plans to keep you on your toes.
Narcissists can never have too many options. Remember, they hate being single. If things don’t work out with the new show, they know you’re only a phone call away. And because you feel guilty, you’re likely to take them back, and they know it all too well.
If they get bored with their new supply, they may call you and cry about how badly you treated them. They flatter you by saying what you did wrong, and how much better you are. Of course, many of them would be accepted, but the truth is that they are just using you for slander.
You are now in a threesome, known as a “triangulation.” And the narcissist is in the box seat. They play you against each other and sit back and bask in the glare of two people fighting for their attention.
Related: Are You Married To A Narcissist? Here’s What You Need To Know
final thoughts
Over time they get away with treating you worse and worse. But this is done in a subtle and manipulative way, over months or years, and they are constantly moving between the three phases. They keep triangulating you with others and sitting back and watching the fun.
And because they shift the blame onto you, you’re never quite sure who’s responsible. This keeps you confused, off balance, and always unsure of what’s going on. Meanwhile, they get away with treating you progressively worse.
It’s awful, but this is a common pattern for narcissists in relationships. They will not be happy when things are peaceful and harmonious. They are always looking to create drama and conflict, and they always want to be in charge.
