Abusive relationships stink worse than stale bread and hurt more than a constant stabbing knife. Abusive relationships can change your life, and that too for the worse. Not only does it cause you pain, but it also somehow convinces you that no one will ever love you except the person who abused you and that you will never be in a relationship other than this one. Sounds scary and lonely right?
As simple as it may seem on paper and pen, it’s not easy to leave abusive relationships. Only a few muster the courage to run away from their abusive partners. These survivors may later stumble upon articles or books that provide them with terms they can use to understand what was happening to them, and only then can they express their experience and understanding of what it was.
Until then, they are still in limbo and struggle to find the right words to explain the hell they escaped from.
Read abusive relationships: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: Here’s How To Get Started
How abusive relationships trap us into not leaving
The most important thing you should know and understand is that abuse is not always physical. Not all abuse victims have physical cuts and scars that show they were put through hell by their partners; Some have emotional and mental wounds that are difficult to detect with the human eye.
The main reason behind this unawareness is how society has made us feel that the abuse is always physical. In movies, we see villains act violently towards their partners, yelling at them forcefully and in some cases, even killing them in a fit of rage. While this is indeed a form of abuse, it is just one form of abuse. There are a lot of abusive tactics abusers use to torture their partners.
Abusive relationships start slowly — with the occasional abusive and demeaning comment. Too often, these moments are overlooked by victims, because they seem “harmless” and “no big deal” on the surface. The reason for this is that abusers are exceptionally fine pretenders and actors. They lead the victim to believe that they are all they ever wanted in a romantic partner. Thus the victims are deceived and blindfolded with their treacherous lies and claims.
Predators are highly intelligent and accomplice people who know exactly how to set the bait and catch their victims. They know how to make someone fall in love with them. And when the abuser feels his mask slipping, and the victim may see his real face, he convinces his partner that this is just a bad phase, because they are going through a hard time.
They use your empathy to deceive you and before you know it, you are completely entangled in their intricate web of lies, deceit, manipulation, and of course, abuse.
If you have been through abusive relationships, please know that none of them were your fault and that you did not deserve the abuse and abuse that came your way.
Another very harmful thing that abusive relationships do, that keeps you trapped in the relationship, is make you think that you are the only reason for your partner’s anger. It is because of your anger at your sins. Thus, you can stay in the relationship again to try to win back their affection, “correct your wrongs,” and “make it up” to them.
Abusers use this vulnerability to their advantage and mislead you into thinking that you are the perpetrator, and they are the victim. Once they make you apologize to them for something you didn’t do, they will represent the larger person who chose to “forgive” you, because they “love” you. And so this vicious cycle continues, and you stay trapped, without even realizing it.
Read : 18 Signs of A Dysfunctional Family and How To Deal
Love – Abuse – Love: This is not fun!
Abusive relationships are like a roller coaster — being rained down with love one moment, being abused the next, and then again, being rained down with love. This continuous cycle keeps happening, and it happens at such a fast pace that you don’t even realize it. Despite the constant stress, both physical and emotional, you are subjected to an unholy cycle of abuse, you tend to stay in the relationship because you are somewhere you hope it might improve after some time.
It’s a kind of drug. Your partner loves you unconditionally until they decide to inflict various forms of abuse on you. You are bound by the myth that it was your fault. After that, you feel the need to please your partner until things go back to the way they were. It becomes an addiction to please your abuser until things are normal again.
Abusers harm your entire emotional well-being. Your sense of self-worth becomes virtually non-existent. Because of the constant abuse you get and the feeling that it’s all your fault, you feel incapable of being in a relationship. During these moments, the abusive partner comes to your rescue and shows you some love, and this makes you more connected to the devil.
This clouds your judgment and allows them to take full advantage of your vulnerability without you suspecting them of doing something wrong, even for a moment. They create the character of being the “rescuer” in times when you are feeling emotionally distressed because of the abuse they have inflicted on you.
There is no excuse for abuse – no matter how traumatic someone’s past may have been, or how dysfunctional the family they come from. Past trauma and mental illness are no excuses for abusing and treating people badly.
In many cases, you believe that your partner has been emotionally damaged due to some traumatic event in the past and that is the reason for their abusive behavior. Most victims are good people at heart, and it is this innate desire to help others that drives them into abusive relationships. They truly believe they can change their abuser and their lives forever.
You want to stay behind and help your partner get over their trauma. You want to heal them. And through all of this, your abuser is busy manipulating you into believing that it is only because of their traumatic past that they are behaving badly with you, and are, in fact, good people at heart.
Read : When An Empath Loves A Narcissist, This Is How It Ends
Get rid of the dark – you deserve more.
It is very important to recognize the signs of abuse in a relationship so that you can protect yourself and get out of the relationship quickly. Be aware of what constitutes love and how it differs from the way you or someone you know is treated by their partners. True love cannot be violent and soul-crushing.
Escaping an abusive relationship is not easy because of all the manipulation and fear, but with the help of your loved ones and your strong will, you can do it. It may seem difficult at first, but once you take one step of courage – it will be the best decision of your life!
