Tired of falling prey to manipulative phrases in a relationship? Learn to recognize and disarm subtly crafted statements designed to control your thoughts and actions. Take back control by using these smart tactics to shut them down!

People don’t choose to manipulate because they care.

Manipulation is only “control”, disguised as love. His ability to project emotion may make him one of the most insidious forms of abuse.

“Just because something isn’t a lie doesn’t mean it isn’t deceptive. A liar knows he’s a liar, but someone who only speaks bits of truth in order to deceive is a wrecker,” Chris Jami wrote.

Don’t let a manipulator’s sweet words take over your life. Hold on to your sense of control and make your own choices. If this manipulation becomes a pattern, consider leaving the relationship behind. Manipulation is not just controlling it is deeply selfish.

There are some common lines of reasoning that manipulators like to exploit to get their way. Fortunately, all of them are easily closed with common sense.

7 Common manipulative phrases in a relationship

Here are seven examples of manipulative statements, each followed by a logical and self-valued response:

1. “Look what you made me do!”
   I don’t have the power to make you do anything. I chose to respond the way I did. You need to take responsibility for your actions. I can only own mine.
2. “How can you still be mad at me after I bought you that beautiful necklace?”
   Money cannot buy my forgiveness. You were so kind to do that. However, if this necklace hinges on my forgiveness, it’s not a gift. It’s a bribe. You can restore it.

Related: 6 Signs You Are Dealing With An Evil Person

3. “Don’t wear that,” “Let me check your phone,” “Who have you been texting?”, “It’s not you, I don’t trust – it’s other people”
   You don’t have to trust others. You just have to trust me to be loyal and honest. When you act this way, you assume that I am either a cheater or a very weak person. I’m not this or that.
4. “I want you to stay home because it’s what’s best for our kids. I just want to take care of you.”
   The best thing for my children is to have a happy and complete mother. The choice to work or stay home is my choice. By doing what makes me happy, I teach our children to have independence in their lives.

Has he forced me into a lifestyle that I don’t want to take care of? Or is it tightening your control over my life? (Note: This can also work another way, forcing the controlling partner into unwanted action.)

5. “I know you feel strongly about this, but I want you to do it my way. It’s what’s best for us.”
   What’s best for us is making decisions as a couple. What is best for me is that my input is listened to and respected. Is your way the best for us, or is it the best for you?

Related: Caught In The Narcissist’s Trap: Rollercoaster Ride Of A Push-Pull Relationship

6. “If you leave, I will hurt myself.”
   If you are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, you need to call 911. You can also call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. I have already made my choice. I have explained my reasons for doing so. I won’t go back.

7. “I know you don’t want kids right now, but let’s try anyway. I just want us to be a family.”
   The family can take many different forms. What they have in common is a sense of mutual respect. I have the right to choose how many children we have, and when we have them. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.

As C.J. Roberts writes in Seduced in the Dark, “I’ve been doing this for a long time – manipulating people to get my way. That’s why you think you love me. Because I broke you and prepared you to believe it. It wasn’t an accident. Once you leave this behind, you’ll see it.”

Sometimes it takes removing yourself from manipulation to see it for what it is. Sometimes it only takes one well-placed swipe to shut it down. Beware of manipulation and don’t be afraid to leave. Only you have the right to control your life.

Related: The Narcissistic Parent