Grandmothers are always there to protect you, cherish you, and make sure they feed you so much, that you feel like you can’t walk anymore. When the parents are too strict, your grandmother comes to the rescue and makes you feel better, right? But what do you do when you have a grandmother who is the complete opposite, a narcissistic grandmother?

A narcissistic grandmother can be a hell of a person to deal with, especially if you live in the same house. They can be toxic, insensitive, selfish, and most importantly, deeply hurtful. Just like having narcissistic parents can be traumatic, having a narcissistic grandmother can ultimately destroy your peace of mind and self-worth.

And not only does it stop there, it can also negatively affect your children and their mental health.

Having a narcissistic grandmother in the family is like having a poisonous spider that constantly attacks and poisons everyone around it. Slowly and surely, it sucks the life and happiness out of everyone and leaves behind nothing but pain, shock, and grief.

Are you having difficulty dealing with a narcissistic mother? In one of the previous articles, we discussed 63 things narcissistic mothers say to manipulate and control you. Refer to him in case you need to explain that it’s not always your fault and come up with strategies to deal with it.

Here are 14 ways a narcissistic grandmother can hurt your kids

1. The desire to be “favorite”.
   You know you’re dealing with a narcissistic grandmother when you force everyone to make her their favorite, even though she doesn’t deserve it one bit. She wants a picture-perfect relationship with her grandchildren and expects parents to believe, enforce, and maintain that fantasy.

Being a grandmother, she has a kind of arrogant demeanor towards her grandchildren, and also indulges in nepotism, such that everyone competes for her love and attention. This will allow her to be everyone’s “favorite”.

2. Saying negative things behind your back.
   Narcissistic grandmothers are kept under the illusion that they have the right to criticize, question, and insult your parenting skills whenever and however they like. You also say negative things about your children directly when you are not there to advocate for them. In order to improve herself, she checks them for flaws.

This may be a reason why you are not comfortable leaving your children alone with her. A study suggested that saying negative things can greatly affect a child’s mental stability.

3. Verbal abuse of your children.
   Narcissistic grandmothers do not understand love. They don’t learn from their past mistakes. Narcissistic people love poking fun at others to boost their self-esteem and tend to show the same behavior to their grandchildren. Verbally abusing them in order to mold them to their will seems like a reasonable option to them. Yelling, swearing, ridiculing, or sarcasm are some of the abusive tactics they resort to. They attack their self-esteem and confidence in getting what they want.

Ongoing verbal abuse of children can have a significant impact on a child’s self-confidence and self-esteem. It may also hinder their emotional development. The grandmother may not even realize that she is verbally cutting off the child’s self-esteem. A study indicated that child abuse can cause disturbed psychological and developmental disorders.

4. Physical abuse of your children.
   Physical abuse seems to be a good tool to use to shape your children. A narcissistic grandmother may use physical abuse such as spanking, spanking, spanking, or pinching as a means of disciplining her grandchild. They don’t care what’s best for your child. They simply want to be recognized as a reliable figure who can do whatever they want.

A 2012 study indicated that physical discipline is ineffective and can have a significant impact on a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. It has also been found that physical punishment provokes aggression. Hence it is essential that you pay close attention when your children are at their grandparents’ home to ensure that they are not subjected to physical abuse.

5. Not wanting to be a part of your child’s life.
   Another type of narcissistic grandmother is the neglectful grandmother. She is always unavailable for babysitting and is always reserved for the one she loves. A neglectful grandmother doesn’t have time to see your child’s photos or participate in the celebration of their accomplishments.

The consequences of these actions depend on how often your children visit their grandmother. In the event that you see it once or twice a year, there will be no major consequences.

Related: Narcissism Is Not Neurodivergence: Why We Need to Stop Grouping Them Together

6. Your children tend not to bond with her.
   The narcissistic grandmother becomes so busy attending to her own selfish needs that she overlooks the subtle signs of discomfort the child shows. Some of the signs that your child does not have any emotional connection with his grandmother are:

They are not looking forward to seeing it.
Avoid spending time with her, especially alone.
You tend to get sad or upset after seeing them.
Calm down when you enter the room.
He feels reluctant to approach her.

7. Use guilt manipulation to get what you want.
   When things don’t go her way, she tends to scream, pout, complain about things that don’t go her way, create distractions, play the victim, or find other ways to control and manipulate the situation. She is very good at playing emotional games and she plays them dirty.

She will try to mold her into her perfect little followers who will do whatever she wants. If this continues, your children will grow up to be happy people and base their self-esteem on how well they can please others. Research shows that children who are exposed to narcissistic parents or grandparents grow up to be anxious adults.

8. She doesn’t respect your parental policies.
   As a grandmother, she believes she is in power. Your parenting rules don’t apply to her. She doesn’t get along with you because she wants to be the boss. For example, if you say no sugar before dinner, you will take your kids to a candy store. If bedtime is at 9pm, it will keep them up well past midnight.

She doesn’t respect your authority because she feels threatened by everyone else’s authority. As a result, you will refuse to follow your parenting rules, style, and decisions and interfere with your child’s upbringing.

9. She is always right.
   If you criticize or share your concerns about your child, she will react defensively, play the victim, take offense or easily forget what you were talking about. In her opinion, she is always right and has never done anything wrong with children.

Related: How Narcissists Operate Without Conscience

10. Using grandchildren to feed her “narcissistic supply.”
    Narcissistic display refers to a constant need for admiration and attention. Children can be easily deceived and manipulated because they are innocent. Children cannot understand deception and manipulation. She needs to feel superior all the time and it’s better to feed her ego than the kids. She always needs to feel important, and so she will do everything in her power to fulfill this desire, even if they are children.

Even if their grandparents were manipulative, abusive, or controlling, children may still adore them. Hence children are an ideal source of supply for the narcissist.

Grandma will love her grandchildren as long as they admire her. But she will withdraw her attention if they stop being her henchmen. For the narcissistic grandmother, he often uses love and attention to serve herself. She will spend time with her grandkids when he fulfills her narcissistic needs.

11. Abuse people in front of your children.
    Narcissistic people do not treat people well. They either underestimate themselves or think they don’t deserve any credit. A narcissistic person always thinks they are better than others. So they think it is okay to mistreat others.

For example, yelling at the delivery boy for not delivering her things on time. This may not be a big problem but kids tend to pick up on such behaviors. Hence, if your children see their grandmother mistreat others, they may grow up convinced that it is okay to mistreat people.

12. Criticize your children.
    The narcissistic grandmother may become more ruthless and impulsive as the child begins to develop and discover their individuality. As they are no longer obedient little creatures to their grandmother, they begin to become more distant and punishing. If things don’t turn out the way they are, she will lash out in order to make her point right.

How you criticize your children will depend on how far the child has deviated from his idea of what and how they should be. Expect tantrums or passive-aggressive behavior when things don’t go according to her will.

A 2019 study suggests that children who often experience interpersonal conflicts that lead to temper tantrums often grow up to be more aggressive and depressed.

13. He plays the victim to gain sympathy and support.
    She sees herself as the boss and everyone should do as they are told. In this case, her grandchildren are no exception. As long as everyone behaves the way she wants them to, she is happy.

However, if something is not going well, she will complain and play the victim to gain sympathy and support. Such behaviors can interfere with a child’s mental health. If children are not allowed to express themselves, they may develop low self-esteem and confidence later in life.

14. She loves to cause drama.
    One of the most common tactics for narcissists to satisfy their ego is to cause drama. As a grandmother, she loves to create chaos and drama when children don’t behave the way she wants them to or if things don’t go her way. She acts as if it is for their good and that is why they have to do all the housework.

She does not think of her descendants as people but as tools for her happiness and the nourishment of her ego. Such behaviors can negatively affect the mental health of your child because they will grow up believing that it is only intended to serve and please others.

This will also muffle their identity and teach them to bury their feelings. They will grow up believing that their self-esteem depends on how well they can please others.

Related: Why Narcissistic Abuse is so Damaging

Things to do if your child has a narcissistic grandmother
If you were raised by a narcissistic mother, you may not have been celebrated as a child. It took you so long to realize that she was abusive and that everything always revolved around her.

Your maternal instincts will tell you that you must protect your child from this negativity and abuse before it interferes with your child’s upbringing. It is important to use your judgment and whether or not you experienced it as a child.

Some of the things you can do if your child has a narcissistic grandmother are:

Set parental rules and boundaries.
Learn about her behavior patterns.
Organized visits.
Teach your children narcissistic behavior.
Do not force your children to approach her if they are uncomfortable.
Resort to family therapy if she wants to try it.
Hire a family law attorney.
Sever all ties as a last resort.
As a parent, it is crucial to protect your children from the chaos and negativity that a narcissistic grandmother might project. Narcissistic people need chaos to thrive and satisfy their egos.

In such circumstances, it becomes imperative to ensure that your child has a healthy and positive upbringing. As a parent, it is your responsibility to ensure that your children have positive, engaging relationships with adults who encourage them to be their best in every aspect of their lives.