Conflict and arguments between couples are normal and can strengthen an already healthy relationship. When you’re dealing with a very insecure spouse, minor issues can turn into major fights and even escalate into domestic violence. If you find that even when you calmly talk about your grievances or ask your spouse for disrespect or condescension, there may be more than just emotional immaturity to blame. Domestic violence occurs when the partner realizes that he is being asked to provide more than he can provide. This type of ego threat is a common feature of people who abuse them. When arguments become circular, loud, and explosive, they can easily turn violent because your insecure and threatening partner knows no other way to get out of their painful state of mind than to end it with intimidation.
A narcissistic personality disorder is one of the main causes of symptoms that lead to domestic violence – lying, cheating, yelling, and hitting. NPD is a serious mental and emotional condition. With a deeply ingrained set of learned behaviors, a deeply insecure person or abusive spouse uses abusive methods as tools to deal with their stress or low self-esteem.
Friends and family of narcissists or people who are emotionally abusive often feel insecure because they wonder if they are doing “something wrong” or could have done something differently to avoid the narcissist’s abuse or prevent future domestic abuse.
There are techniques and skills for learning how to not only recognize the difference between an abuser’s behavior and your reaction but also how to defuse or even intercept their triggers to avoid a conflict that could turn into domestic abuse.
How can you prevent arguments from escalating into domestic violence? The first step is to realize that when your spouse or family member acts out, they are really just crying to be heard. The first step is not to think that threatening to leave will cause them to change their behavior because this will most likely lead to the worst. Although it is normal to fight back in order to protect yourself, reflecting their complaints in calm and understanding tones is often an effective and disarming strategy.
