It is widely known that chemistry is essential to a romantic relationship and the experience of love. But the interesting thing is that you will need three types of chemistry to turn your love into true love.
Is there a recipe for love? I don’t think there is. I think we fall in love randomly, sporadically, and spontaneously. But when it comes to true love, there is one.
Three types of chemistry must exist for love to be true. And true love, as I have come to define it, is enduring love: love that is feeling and doing, love that is transcendent and exceptional—but above all, it is love that creates the gestalt in both partners.
A gestalt occurs when the organized whole is greater than the simple sum of its parts. In a way, conjugation defies the laws of mathematics, and 1 + 1 = something infinite.
With the first of these two types of chemistry, love is two-dimensional; It’s flat, and something is missing. But with the third dimension, love becomes three-dimensional, and within that space, true love exists. Two are necessary for love, but not enough for true love. “Better together”, in the deepest sense of the expression; You are more than detached.
Something in a relationship becomes transcendent, taking on its own life through the union of two people. This is true love, unlike a relationship where 1 + 1 equals 2, and neither is changed or improved because of it. Or, unfortunately, more often than not, the pairing becomes less of a two, diving deeper into the negatives—where the relationship can be codependent, destructive, toxic, or even abusive.
#Here are the 3 types of chemistry you must have to be true love
1. Physical
Simple chemistry between two people who find each other physically attractive. This is necessary for the development of love, but it is not sufficient. Physical chemistry can be all-consuming; It’s responsible for late, erratic nights — for the electric, magnetic pull between two people. Like a magnet, physical chemistry sparks this initial interest in something more.
But catch 22 is that it doesn’t always become more, and it can’t — to become more, other types of chemistry must evolve or exist. Physical chemistry can often be salt water to thirst for something bigger; It seems to get the job done, but it always leaves you with the nagging feeling that there’s more to love.
2. Intellectual
This is the chemistry that exists when two people can talk for hours. The conversation flows naturally, and they stimulate each other mentally. They communicate in ways that complement one another, and they can easily get to each other. Very strong intellectual chemistry can often masquerade as spiritual chemistry, but it is not nearly the same. It’s necessary, but not sufficient.
Having profound intellectual chemistry feels like finding a home in someone else’s mind. So much of communication is nonverbal, or simply too subtle to pinpoint what makes it flow. When you find someone with whom you have intellectual chemistry, there is a natural flow; gaps in the conversation don’t provoke anxiety, and silence is comfortable.
But alas, intellectual chemistry cannot cross the boundaries set for true love, as there is one final requisite to fulfill.
3. Spiritual
Spiritual chemistry is when a character aligns, with a touch of something transcendent. It goes beyond opinions and beliefs – although they can be part of it. Spiritual chemistry is when you see life through a similar existential lens; your hearts are at home because you value the same things: kindness, generosity, loyalty, friendship.
This is where the relationship takes on its own life, and people that come into contact with you as a couple, often feel inspired because of it.
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With this final type of chemistry, you feel the most secure; you know that your heart is home, not just your mind. There is no uncertainty. You know that your partner values the relationship itself – the bond you’ve created – just as much as they value you as a person. So when things get difficult, or you fail to meet their expectations, they won’t simply abandon you or look elsewhere to find another compelling connection.
This is lasting love; the love that exists when the relationship becomes more than the sum of its parts. And when that gestalt exists, that is true love.
