Staying together for the kids doesn’t work.
There are plenty of good reasons for couples to stay together and work through tough times. After all, a healthy marriage isn’t always easy to have, and it requires the combined efforts of both parties on a daily basis.
Deciding to end your marriage is a big decision when there is no doubt that divorce is hard on children. He has the power to shatter their confidence, make them feel insecure, and negatively affect their romantic choices in the future.
The damage can be particularly harsh when there are broken promises, financial hardships, legal battles, and emotional wars between parents.
So why would any good mom or dad enjoy splitting up the family and potentially jeopardizing the healthy development of their children?
Because there are times when simply being divorced is better for your child than ever being together.
Many of the negative effects depend on factors such as the children’s age, how they learn about the divorce, and their unique personality—as well as the nature of the support they receive during the adjustment period. Young children are extraordinarily resilient, and they can learn to cope—and even thrive—after a traumatic divorce.
Divorce doesn’t have to ruin your children, but an unstable, unhealthy divorce will.
Children deserve to grow up in a home free of clutter and harm and full of love — even if that love comes primarily from a single parent. And being a responsible parent means making tough decisions that will positively impact their future. If one parent does not have the best welfare for the children, is too immersed in drama, or the conflict has escalated to a point of no return, the responsible party may decide they need to leave the marriage.
Here are 5 specific cases that call for divorce/divorce, especially for the benefit of children:
- Concerns about physical safety
If you have concerns about your child’s physical safety in the presence of your partners, such as young children left unattended or alone in the home, smoking in the home, exposure to drugs or alcohol, access to weapons, or anything that could put your child in harm’s way. By the way, listen to them. Trust your instincts. Separation may be your only way to keep your children safe. - Physical abuse
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, every minute there are 24 victims of intimate partner abuse, and a child witnesses violence in 22% of intimate partner violence cases brought in court. When a child witnesses physical abuse, they can be just as scarred as the victim, confused, filled with self-blame, and with an increased likelihood of being abused – or becoming abusive. If your spouse is hitting you or threatening you physically in some way, you cannot let this continue. Apologies and promises are often empty. Without professional help, something will inevitably trigger another episode, and the behavior will likely escalate.
Don’t let your children get caught in the crossfire. Protect yourself. Protect your children.
- Emotional abuse
There is any number of forms of abuse a spouse can unleash on another. These may include:
Calling you names or patronizing you
Criticize you constantly
Belittling, belittling, or making jokes at your own expense
Illuminate you or make false accusations
Public or private shame
Withholding affection or access to people, things, or financial support
Isolation from family members and friends, or shutting down and shutting you down
controlling or manipulative behaviors
making threats
If your partner is not willing to acknowledge or accept responsibility for their behavior and get help, the only thing you can do is help yourself and your children. Protect them from witnessing this kind of abuse and learning the harmful ways of your partner. - Lying
Lying to children hurts them. Kids generally get over a few lies about The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny, but they don’t recover when parents tell the lie. Even small lies can be devastating. Children need to trust that what their parents say is true, whether it is about when they are coming to pick them up, where the children are from, or more difficult events such as job loss or death.
Sometimes the lie is meant to avoid fuss or protect your children from anxiety or “adult issues.” In the end, lying hurts because it threatens a child’s security system. Children need to know what is the truth and what is not. If they couldn’t get direct goods from their parents, who could they trust? Children who hear lies begin to doubt themselves and their parents’ love. They fear the world around them, or they begin to adopt their parents’ pattern of lying.
If you and your partner can’t get on the same page about truth value, and it’s affecting your child’s sense of stability and self, consider staying together.
Children deserve to grow up in a home free of clutter and harm and full of love — even if that love comes primarily from a single parent. And being a responsible parent means making tough decisions that will positively impact their future. If one parent does not have the best welfare for the children, is too immersed in drama, or the conflict has escalated to a point of no return, the responsible party may decide they need to leave the marriage.
Here are 5 specific cases that call for divorce/divorce, especially for the benefit of children:
- Concerns about physical safety
If you have concerns about your child’s physical safety in the presence of your partners, such as young children left unattended or alone in the home, smoking in the home, exposure to drugs or alcohol, access to weapons, or anything that could put your child in harm’s way. By the way, listen to them. Trust your instincts. Separation may be your only way to keep your children safe. - Physical abuse
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, every minute there are 24 victims of intimate partner abuse, and a child witnesses violence in 22% of intimate partner violence cases brought in court. When a child witnesses physical abuse, they can be just as scarred as the victim, confused, filled with self-blame, and with an increased likelihood of being abused – or becoming abusive. If your spouse is hitting you or threatening you physically in some way, you cannot let this continue. Apologies and promises are often empty. Without professional help, something will inevitably trigger another episode, and the behavior will likely escalate.
Don’t let your children get caught in the crossfire. Protect yourself. Protect your children.
- Emotional abuse
There is any number of forms of abuse a spouse can unleash on another. These may include:
Calling you names or patronizing you
Criticize you constantly
Belittling, belittling, or making jokes at your own expense
Illuminate you or make false accusations
Public or private shame
Withholding affection or access to people, things, or financial support
Isolation from family members and friends, or shutting down and shutting you down
controlling or manipulative behaviors
making threats
If your partner is not willing to acknowledge or accept responsibility for their behavior and get help, the only thing you can do is help yourself and your children. Protect them from witnessing this kind of abuse and learning the harmful ways of your partner. - Lying
Lying to children hurts them. Kids generally get over a few lies about The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny, but they don’t recover when parents tell the lie. Even small lies can be devastating. Children need to trust that what their parents say is true, whether it is about when they are coming to pick them up, where the children are from, or more difficult events such as job loss or death.
Sometimes the lie is meant to avoid fuss or protect your children from anxiety or “adult issues.” In the end, lying hurts because it threatens a child’s security system. Children need to know what is the truth and what is not. If they couldn’t get direct goods from their parents, who could they trust? Children who hear lies begin to doubt themselves and their parents’ love. They fear the world around them, or they begin to adopt their parents’ pattern of lying.
If you and your partner can’t get on the same page about truth value, and it’s affecting your child’s sense of stability and self, consider staying together.
