After a relationship with a narcissist, many people suffer from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and other similar issues.

Narcissists spend years bombarding you with their negative statements, both subtle and not-so-subtle. They blame you for everything. This clearly takes its toll over time.

I was in a 12-year relationship with a narcissist. It’s been 4 years since we broke up. This relationship left me with anxiety and low self-esteem. But I’ve spent 4 years recovering from this.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned so far. I hope they help you in your recovery journey…

Not Your Fault

Narcissists rarely take the blame for anything. They often blame others. It’s common for narcissists to blame their partner for the relationship’s breakdown, even if it was entirely their fault.

My ex blamed me for cheating on me for 5 months. It seems I didn’t love her enough. This wasn’t a contributing factor. It was entirely my fault, according to her.

She never came to me to discuss my alleged lack of love. And I know I’m not difficult to get. So I knew that wasn’t true. But I doubted myself for a while.

Related : How To Cope With Narcissists At Work

When I started reading people’s accounts of breakups in narcissistic relationships, I realized it wasn’t my fault. Many others have had similar experiences.

Narcissists spend years blaming you for everything. This naturally leads you to doubt yourself.

Don’t listen to the narcissist’s version of events. They happily lie while looking you in the eye. They won’t take responsibility for their actions. And they will blame you, no matter who’s at fault.

Narcissists Won’t Chang

Narcissists don’t completely close the door at the end of a relationship. They rule out the possibility of you getting back together.

This is because narcissists hate being single. They need the admiration of relationships. So they prefer options.

Then, if they get tired of their current relationship or become single, they can contact you. They’ll promise that things will be different this time, and remind you of the good old days.

But that nice person they were at the beginning of your relationship was just an act. Just to get you interested. They revealed their true colors once you were in a relationship.

And the nice person they present now is also an act. They may tell you how they’ve changed. But they haven’t. Narcissists never change. Not permanently, anyway.

They may act nice now, but that won’t last. It never will.

Blot out any thoughts of getting back together with them. And move on. Because next time, it will be the same, if not worse. Because if you win them back, they’ll learn that you eventually accepted their past behavior.

Don’t_Tir yourself with Revenge

Most people naturally feel angry when a narcissistic relationship ends. Some want revenge.

Trust me, it’s not worth it. Just be glad you’re rid of them.

If you start seeking revenge, you’re only hurting yourself. Narcissists thrive on conflict and drama. It makes them feel important and vital. Revenge won’t change their behavior; it may even encourage it.

Narcissists love attention, even if it’s negative. In their minds, it shows you still have feelings for them. It shows them they matter.

They can also project your “bad behavior” onto others, using it as proof that you were the one who caused the evil. They can also project your vengeful actions onto their new partners to make them jealous. It’s like manipulating them. “They’re still obsessed with me. That’s why they’re acting this way.”

Stay away from them as much as possible. Don’t get sucked into their toxic world of conflict and drama. You won’t hurt them, only yourself.

Focus On Yourself

The best thing you can do is ignore the narcissist and focus on yourself. Reconnect with your old friends and family. Join a gym, or find sports activities you enjoy. Take a college course. Learn new things.

Find positive things that help you grow and heal. Work on improving your mind and body. This way, you’ll feel more positive about your future. I love feeling like I’m improving mentally and physically every day.

In a relationship with a narcissist, you can easily lose touch with yourself. Everything revolves around them. You may forget what you love, your dreams, and your ambitions.

Spend time reconnecting with yourself and what you want out of life. It takes time. But it’s fun and exciting to rediscover yourself all over again.

I’ve found new hobbies and interests, and I’ve rekindled old ones. As a single man, I feel more alive and connected than I ever did in my married life.

Don’t Let Another Narcissist Into Your Life!

Some people attract narcissists. I’m one of them! When one disappears, another soon appears.

Learn the signs of spotting a narcissist. And in any new friendship or relationship, take your time.

Narcissists will put on a nice face for a while, but eventually, their mask slips. If you take your time, you’ll spot them before they take root in your life.

Related ; Why Narcissists Disappear Then Reappear

But try not to be too skeptical. Life is boring if you don’t let anyone in. And a narcissist wants nothing more than for you to be alone and think about them. Just tread carefully. And take your time.

If you spot a narcissist, close the door. Don’t feel bad about it. This is your life, and you’re only responsible for your own happiness, not theirs.

Narcissists often play the victim to draw you in. They try to make you feel sorry for them and make you responsible for them. Don’t believe this. You’re not responsible for them. It’s important to remember this.

therapy

Many people turn to therapy to help them recover from narcissism. While it’s not a magic solution, it often significantly speeds up the recovery process.

The type of therapy you choose may depend on your issues and personality. But in general, any therapy that allows you to talk about your experiences in a safe space allows you to process and understand them.