Unfortunately, many victims of narcissistic abuse are neglected. This is usually due to exaggeration or fabrication, even by their family and friends.

There are many reasons why victims of narcissistic abuse are not believed. But I hope that explaining them here will help raise awareness and help them understand that narcissistic abuse is real and should be taken seriously, even if it seems crazy and “out of the ordinary.”

There is nothing more frustrating than being psychologically manipulated and abused by a narcissist, only to be ignored by your loved ones when you raise your concerns. This only makes matters worse.

Not believing a victim of narcissistic abuse reinforces the psychological manipulation the narcissist strives to create, making the victim question their experiences. It also allows the narcissist to get away with it.

Why are victims of narcissistic abuse neglected? Here’s why so many people don’t believe victims of narcissistic abuse…

They Don’t Understand Narcissism

People who haven’t experienced narcissistic relationships find it difficult to understand their nature, because they are so different from “normal” relationships, even though they may appear similar on the surface.

Related : How Narcissists Use Arguments To Their Advantage

Narcissists think in very different ways. While they feign many “normal” behaviors, their different ways of thinking seep into their behavior, especially during long-term relationships.

When we talk about the behaviors and motivations of narcissists, people naturally try to understand them. They usually do so from the perspective of people with normal personalities, rather than someone with a personality disorder.

People often assume that narcissists are misunderstood, or that victims are making a big deal out of it. This is because they don’t understand why narcissists do what they do. This is because normal people never behave the same way.

For example, it’s common for narcissists to pretend to be completely different people for months, even years, just to get attention. They may have different personalities, depending on who they’re around and what they want to achieve.

For normal people who don’t understand narcissism, this seems unattainable. They wouldn’t dream of doing it, and it seems unthinkable that anyone would do it.

So they look for alternative explanations that seem more plausible, even when the facts are clear to them. Unfortunately, these explanations often rely on casting doubt on the victims’ perceptions.

Overlooked Narcissists

Narcissists live a double life. Their public persona is one of the nicest people you could hope to meet, especially if they are covert narcissists. But privately, they are cold, indifferent, and abusive. Complete opposites.

Outsiders usually only see the kind act and have no reason to doubt it, because it’s such a stable, fixed image of themselves.

Related : How To Reduce Anxiety After A Narcissist Relationship

So when they hear about the horrors happening behind closed doors, they find it hard to believe it because it doesn’t fit with the narcissist’s carefully constructed “persona.”

For most people, no sane person would live a lie, pretending to be someone they’re not. So they conclude that there’s something wrong with the victims’ perception, or that they’re biased due to relationship problems and mistrust.

Narcissist Smear Campaign

People may not believe victims of narcissistic abuse because of the smear campaigns narcissists wage. Here, narcissists smear their victims so that no one believes them.

A narcissist may insinuate or outright lie that their victim is unstable, crazy, or even narcissistic. They may portray them as the abuser, confused, disoriented, and irrational.

Some narcissists begin smear campaigns as soon as the relationship ends. Knowing that their victim is more likely to speak up, they are freed from their grip.

Some narcissists go even further, smearing their partners before the relationship ends, in anticipation of what’s to come.

Narcissists are very cunning. They may feign “concern” when discussing their victims’ behavior, pretending to be concerned for them, when in reality, they are sowing seeds of hatred and smearing their reputations.

Narcissists may also use reactive abuse. Here, they repeatedly provoke their victims until they collapse in front of witnesses. They then hold their hands up as if they’ve done nothing wrong, creating the impression that they’ve exploded in anger for no reason, “proving” how crazy they are.

Once a narcissist paints a picture of their victim as crazy or unstable, it’s hard to believe them when they talk about abuse, especially when they talk about “Jekyll and Hyde” and other “weird” traits of the narcissist.

Common Beliefs

There are many common beliefs that prevent people from listening to victims of narcissistic abuse. While they are common beliefs, many of them don’t make sense upon careful consideration.

One such common belief is “it takes two to tango,” which implies that if a conflict arises, both parties are to blame. But if you understand narcissism, you’ll know that conflict can arise from only one source—the narcissist.

Related : My Female Narcissist Relationship

Another belief is that everyone is inherently good and doing their best. This is completely untrue when considering the evil that exists.

Narcissists are unusual people and think differently than the norm. Therefore, common beliefs don’t always apply to them, as they cause trouble without provocation. They intentionally hurt people if they get what they want.

Manipulation

Narcissists are highly manipulative and spend their lives honing their skills. This means they often outsmart their victims, who are strangers to their twisted world.

Narcissists go to great lengths to twist narratives to suit their story and gain public support. Victims typically suffer in silence. Don’t play the game of gaining political allies and convincing them of their “truth.”

This can give the impression that the narcissist is the real victim. They enthusiastically promote their biased narrative. Because the victim simply wants space to heal, their voice is often left unheard.

So, people often assume the narcissist has done nothing wrong. Furthermore, the victim is actually the perpetrator, simply because of the biased narrative the narcissist propagates.

Positions_of_Power

Many narcissists are drawn to positions of power to satiate their ego. But another advantage is that these positions often provide them with immunity from wrongdoing.

Many narcissists work in the police, politics, the clergy, the media, and elsewhere. They become almost isolated because victims are afraid to report for fear of repercussions. And even if they do, they are often lied to because people believe this “honest” member of society would never do anything wrong.

Confusion_Tactics

Narcissists often use confusion tactics. They stir up trouble between individuals. They create conflict between different people. Then they sit quietly and watch the drama unfold.

These divisions cloud the peace. They create complex battles, and different factions form. That’s their plan.

Related : Subtle Signs Someone’s A Narcissist

Narcissists know that when things calm down, no one knows what happened or who caused all this trouble. This undermines the credibility of anyone complaining about a narcissist. There are so many accusations being thrown in so many different directions, no one knows what happened except the narcissist themselves.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists are adept at covering their tracks after abusing others. If a loved one confides in you about an abusive relationship, listen to them. Even if it seems far-fetched and their partner acts coldly.

Even though they’re probably making it up, listen to them. Because they probably aren’t. And if you’re wrong, ignoring them only increases their pain.

The difficulty is that narcissists sometimes play the victim. They pretend to be abused when they’re actually the abuser. So, if the complainant exhibits narcissistic traits, they may be faking it. You can never be sure what happened because you haven’t witnessed their own life. But you can still support your friend if you value them.

If they haven’t made similar allegations about others before, there’s a good chance they’re telling the truth. This is because narcissists tend to repeat these patterns, projecting their abusive behavior onto their partners. They move from one allegedly abusive relationship to another.

Narcissists often confide in everyone, spreading the word, and discrediting the other person. Real victims, on the other hand, usually confide in a few close friends.

But if you’re still unsure, listen to your friend anyway. And be on their side. Just don’t fight their battles, because you never know for sure what they’re dragging you into.