Many people leave narcissistic relationships exhausted and hurt, as a result of years of mental manipulation, manipulation, and neglect. Sadly, their partners often feel the blame.

Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their actions because their ego can’t handle “fault.” So they resort to tactics of blaming others. Often, they blame the very person they’re abusing.

This leaves people in a state of confusion. Throughout the relationship, they’ve been trying hard to maintain peace and harmony. But despite their efforts, they’ve failed. They’re left agonizing over why they failed miserably.

This causes them a double whammy. They’ve been living a miserable and abusive lives, and they feel responsible for it.

It’s important to recognize the truth; this frees you up to heal and move on. You’ll realize how the narcissist manipulated the relationship and made the problems they created seem like your fault.

This is how narcissists show you’re the problem in the relationship…

Blame Shifting

Blame Shifting is when narcissists deny their guilt for something they’ve done, then shift it around to make you feel guilty.

Related : How Narcissists Punish You

Narcissists often shift blame until it becomes an automatic habit. The complexity of this shifting varies depending on the narcissist.

A common example of blame shifting is when a narcissist’s partner finds messages on their phone confirming their infidelity. Because the narcissist is cornered, they lash out. They tend to blame you for looking at their phone, turning the situation into an argument about their privacy.

Once the narcissist has you under their control, they may continue their attack, claiming they had an affair because you didn’t trust them. Blaming you for what they did!

Reactive Abuse

Reactive abuse is when a narcissist repeatedly mocks someone, usually over something they know they’re sensitive about. When this person explodes with anger, they throw up their hands as if their reaction came out of nowhere.

The narcissist focuses on your reaction and ignores their provocation. They talk about your reaction as if it were an unprovoked, abusive attack. Because you’ve been pushed into an overly emotional state, it’s easy to forget how the “argument” even began. So you feel like you bear at least part of the blame.

Narcissists sometimes use reactive abuse in the company of others, finding ways to insult you without others noticing.

For example, they may have teased you for weeks about your weight. Then they make a “joke” about it in front of others.

If you explode with anger, the narcissist pretends to be surprised by your reaction to an “innocent joke.” They neglect to mention the other 9,746 times they’ve insulted you, suggesting to onlookers that you’re unstable and can’t stand jokes.

Report Your “Concerns”

Narcissists sometimes give the impression that you’re the problem by confiding in others about their own secrets, claiming to be concerned about your behavior.

Since the narcissist presents this as an attempt to help, it’s easy to win people over, especially if they use emotional abuse in front of them.

Unfortunately, when the seeds of dysfunction are planted, people see things that aren’t there. They may interpret certain behaviors as signs of instability, even though they’re perfectly rational.

Projection

Narcissists are notorious for projecting their flaws onto others because they suffer from delusions of superiority. Any “flaw” challenges these illusions, so they are eager to project it onto others.

Projection is also used as a smokescreen to hide their own bad behavior. While you’re busy understanding your “flaw,” you overlook the narcissist’s.

Related : Why Narcissists Don’t Listen

A classic example of projection is when a narcissist accuses their partner of having an affair. When in reality, they’re the one evading.

This causes their partner to become defensive and even paranoid that their behavior seems suspicious, such as going out with friends or arriving home ten minutes late for work.

This prevents their partner from noticing the narcissist’s suspicious behavior, as they are preoccupied with themselves. If the narcissist is exposed, they may claim they were having an affair to get back at you, even if you weren’t cheating on them!

Repetition

Some narcissists make it seem like their partners are the problem by instilling it in their heads. They repeatedly talk about an alleged flaw. This flaw usually deprives the narcissist of something they want, such as control.

For example, a narcissist may repeatedly accuse their partner of being a “martyr” if they complain about abuse, implying that they’re either exaggerating or making it up. Or they may repeatedly accuse their partner of “changing for the worse” if they set boundaries.

Over the months and years, it’s hard not to believe. Because repetition can rewire your mind to accept their “truth.” Especially if you haven’t spent much time with others who can give you a fresh perspective.

Choose_People_with_a_Conscience

It’s no coincidence that many narcissists surround themselves with conscientious people. These people look inward when a problem arises and consider their role in it. Narcissists, on the other hand, deny all faults and look outside themselves for someone to blame.

Related : Narcissists And Hoarding

Conscientious people often consider themselves at least partially responsible. Because no one is perfect, they find fault with their behavior. Consider this at least part of the reason for their problems. Let the narcissist off the hook.

Final_Thoughts

There’s a common belief in society that “it takes two to succeed.” This implies that when a problem occurs, both parties are responsible. But this isn’t always the case.

When it comes to narcissists, one person may be entirely to blame. Because while you’re looking for a peaceful, harmonious relationship, the narcissist seeks to take, at the expense of a healthy, loving relationship.

So don’t feel bad if you were, or are still in, a dysfunctional relationship with a narcissist. Because, unfortunately, that’s all they can do. And it doesn’t reflect on you.

Narcissists bring others down, blaming them for the problems. They know it’s the only way they can avoid leaving. Because deep down, they know you’re better off without them.