Not all narcissists are hoarders, and not all hoarders are narcissists. But there is a connection. From my observations, a significant number of narcissists exhibit hoarding behavior, especially those with borderline traits.

The homes of narcissistic hoarders can be junkyards, making simple tasks, like cooking and even cleaning, a logistical nightmare. Yet, they seem oblivious to the clutter around them.

Why do some narcissists hoard, when it makes their lives difficult? What do they gain from it? Do they even realize they’re doing it? In this article, I’ll explore why narcissists hoard…

Laziness/Apathy

I thought I’d clarify this because it’s not hoarding in the literal sense. But it can feel like it.

Some narcissists don’t bother keeping their homes clean. Or even throwing things away. They accumulate things over time.

These narcissists avoid tidying up for several reasons. They may find housework boring because they need more stimulation than most people.

Some narcissists feel that tidying is beneath them, due to their delusions of superiority. Therefore, they won’t consider doing it because it’s someone lower than them.

Related : How Narcissists Neglect You

Some narcissists are so self-absorbed that they don’t notice the clutter around them. They happily go about their day, oblivious to the accumulated clutter.

These narcissists don’t actually hoard things, but they accumulate them over time because they don’t want to maintain a tidy home.

Control

Many narcissists resort to hoarding because of their need for control. As you probably know, narcissists like to control relationships. It makes them feel secure and less likely to abandon them (especially people with borderline personality disorder). But people are difficult to control, even for narcissists.

No matter how hard narcissists try, their weak free will gets in the way. They do things the narcissist wouldn’t expect. So they may resort to hoarding to regain a sense of control. Because inanimate objects don’t just roam around and do whatever they please.

That’s why some narcissists seek comfort in collecting material objects. They have complete control over them. This is why they may react angrily if someone throws something away, or even moves it, because it threatens that control.

Impulsivity

Most narcissists are impulsive. They are endless repositories of their desires. So they impulsively buy things they don’t need because it seems like a good idea at the time.

However, they can’t admit they made a bad purchase. So, they accumulate things in their homes, even if they never use them.

Trophies

Some narcissists keep trophies from their past relationships, such as love letters, clothes, and other items.

Narcissists may keep these trophies as evidence of their past relationships and to remind themselves of how attractive they are.

These trophies provide a source of narcissism, especially when the narcissist feels lonely and unloved. They may use them to show off to others.

Another benefit of ex-relationship trophies is that they are a means of pressuring others. If a narcissist wants to win back their ex, they may return these items. They may use keeping them as a sign of their interest.

Narcissist Depression

Depression is highly prevalent among narcissists. This can lead them to give up on life.

Once they give up, maintaining a tidy home becomes another concern. Even if they would prefer things to be tidier, their depression saps their motivation.

Related : What Narcissists Say To Shut Down Discussion About Narcissism

In this case, the narcissist’s depression may deepen as their home deteriorates. Their situation with their home deteriorates, making it more difficult for them to get back on track.

To_Assert_Their_Control

Narcissists love to control others. Some narcissists assert their control over their homes by filling them with their belongings.

These narcissists fill every room, as if they are marking their territory. So wherever you turn, you can feel their presence.

Some narcissists see these objects as an extension of themselves. They expect to be respected and left alone, even if they’re slowly decaying in a dark corner or blocking access to part of the house.

Playing The Victim

Some narcissists, especially covert narcissists, play the victim to gain attention and validation.

Hoarding is a visual demonstration that things are not okay. If their home is full of stuff, there’s definitely something wrong.

Some narcissists let their homes deteriorate to visually demonstrate their need for help. People feel sorry for them and help them get back on track.

While these narcissists enjoy a free cleaning crew, they also enjoy the attention. They secretly imagine they’re rich and powerful, with a staff at their service.

I’ve even known narcissists who regularly post about their homes on social media, hoping to find saviors. But imagine this…

Narcissists are highly sensitive and feel deeply entitled. This means that seemingly innocent things trigger their anger. Therefore, they may make their lives, and the lives of others, miserable over something trivial.

Animal Hoarding

Some narcissists hoard pets the same way they hoard things. They may have a large and annoying collection of animals roaming around their homes.

These animals serve to make the narcissist feel better about themselves, as they have complete control over them. This, as I mentioned earlier, is difficult to replicate with humans.

Related : How To Build Your Assertiveness After A Narcissist Relationship

Sadly, these animals are often neglected. Like most things, their function is to serve the narcissist, not the other way around.

Conclusion

As I mentioned earlier, not all narcissists hoard. Some find a solution by being excessively tidy. They look down on less tidy people.

However, a significant number of narcissists hoard. This often brings misery to themselves and those around them.

Unfortunately, narcissists don’t care about the impact their hoarding has on others, because their primary concern is themselves. If their hoarding fulfills a need, they will do so, even at the expense of their loved ones’ mental and physical health, and even their own.