Typical relationships often develop over time. Bonds are built. They learn about each other, and they grow together. But the opposite is usually true with narcissists.

Narcissists often value their partners at first, treating them like the most precious thing in the world. Then, over time, they come to dislike and even hate them. Why is this so different?

There are several reasons why narcissists devalue their partners over time. In this article, I’ll discuss why narcissists dislike their partners…

Inferiority

Narcissists aren’t looking for mutually beneficial relationships; they’re looking for someone to exploit and abuse. So, they enter new relationships out of deception.

If they succeed in securing a new partner, the narcissist considers them inferior because they successfully deceived them.

Related : Why Narcissists Criticism So Much

This leads their partners to a lose-lose situation because they are automatically looked down upon simply for being with them. This reminds me of a Grouch Marx quote: “I don’t want to be a member of a club that accepts me as one of its members!”

Resent Their Neediness

Most narcissists need an enormous amount of attention and appreciation. They would collapse without it.

Their biggest problem is that platonic friendships usually don’t provide enough. You spend less time with friends than with lovers, and the attention is less intense. So, having a partner is a necessity for most narcissists.

However, narcissists also harbor delusions of superiority. They convince themselves that they are omnipotent and need no one. This confuses them.

Deep down, they know they need their partner. But they can’t admit it to themselves. And they certainly can’t admit it to their partners. That would make them lose power.

So, they resent their need for their partner. They act increasingly hostile toward them, trying to convince themselves and their partner that they are strong and independent.

In response, the narcissist may oscillate between their need for attention and their need for independence. They may turn the relationship into a tense one, oscillating between satisfying their need for attention and their need for control.

Unrealistic Expectations

Narcissists believe they deserve complete devotion from their partners. They believe their partners must meet all their needs, even at their own expense.

Related :; Why Narcissists Change Their Name

These expectations cannot be met no matter how hard they try.

So, the narcissist builds up resentment over time. They focus on what their partner doesn’t do, rather than what they do. With this attitude, it’s no wonder they accumulate hatred over time.

Criticism

Narcissists do not take criticism well. Anything seemingly innocent can be taken as an insult. For example, not liking a song they love may be considered an insult because they interpret it as an insult to themselves.

Over time, narcissists collect stamps, accumulating resentment from perceived and genuine criticism. Because they are difficult to live with and take everything seriously, this is a recipe for disaster.

Flaws

We all have flaws. The longer you know someone, the more you discover.

As time goes on, the narcissist discovers more flaws in their partner. They become increasingly resentful of them because they aren’t perfect enough for someone as great as themselves.

Narcissists have a hard time accepting that someone can be a good person with flaws. Instead, they focus on their own flaws, until they see them all.

Related : How Narcissists Avoid Accountability

Over time, these flaws grow in the narcissist’s mind, becoming more and more inflated. They become unbearable, even though they have some wonderful qualities.

Jealousy

Narcissists expect everything to be about them. They feel uncomfortable when someone steals the spotlight from them. Therefore, their partners’ accomplishments are likely to arouse their jealousy, and this is not the foundation of any healthy relationship.

A narcissist may resent their partners’ success so intensely that they may even sabotage it. They view them as a competitor or enemy, rather than a life partner.

Narcissists also become jealous of their partners’ empathy and their ease with people.

Narcissists want to be liked and admired. So, they spend time and effort pretending to be nice to certain people to gain their approval. But because they are fake, this is exhausting and difficult to maintain.

On the other hand, their empathic partners do this easily. This is their nature. The narcissist resents this. They may convince themselves that their partner is faking it, just as they are.

Supply Declines Over Time

As you know, narcissists need narcissistic supply, which is the attention and validation provided by others.

However, the amount of support they receive from a partner typically decreases over time. This is because it’s no longer challenging, or new and exciting, as it once was.

Related : What Narcissists Say To Win You Back

Consequently, their partners’ value decreases over time, leading to more resentment.

Many narcissists seek out newer, more up-to-date sources of support. Those who can give them more of what they want—attention and appreciation. A mutually beneficial relationship isn’t their thing. They just want the best source of support they can get.

Final Thoughts

While most relationships grow stronger over time, those of narcissists weaken. They almost inevitably come to hate their partners.

There’s little you can do to stop a narcissist’s growing hatred. They exploit small “flaws” and build their resentment on real and perceived flaws.

Ultimately, narcissists don’t care about their partner; they care only about what they can offer them. They set high expectations for what they expect. So, it’s no surprise that they end up hating their partner.

Related : What Is A Narcissistic Collapse?

However, narcissists are adept at shifting blame onto others, and they can make their partners feel responsible for their inability to build a healthy relationship.

So, don’t feel guilty about a “failed” relationship with a narcissist, because it was very likely doomed from the start. It’s likely that the same “relationship issues” weren’t the first time they’ve encountered them, and they won’t be the last.