We’ve learned that empathy is a good thing, and most of the time, it is.

Empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. It encourages people to grow and mature as they get to know others around them. It increases their ability to coordinate with others, creating a more cohesive society.

Empathy allows us to connect with friends and family, which strengthens bonds. If others are sensitive to their needs, we hope they will be as well.

However, as with most things in life, you can have too much of a good thing. Too much empathy has a downside, and it can turn toxic.

In this article, I’ll discuss how your empathy can be used against you and why it’s okay to limit your empathy in certain situations…

I Need To Show More Love

People in narcissistic relationships go through difficult times. The narcissist is typically manipulative, cold, and sometimes cruel. Yet, many stick with the relationship for years. Some narcissists benefit from others feeling sorry for them. They empathize with their brokenness. The narcissist encourages this feeling by playing the victim, making their partner feel responsible for them.

Related : How Narcissists Avoid Accountability

Many partners believe they should love the narcissist more when they’re behaving badly, in order to fix them and turn them into a more caring person. Unfortunately, this noble goal is often a fool’s errand.

Narcissists exploit this dynamic and use it to abuse them because they know they can get away with it if you show them more love for their narcissistic behavior.

Most narcissists don’t want to be fixed, especially if their brokenness benefits them. Therefore, they are likely to remain “victims” forever if you continue to feed them.

Think Of Others Before Yourself

Most Western Christian cultures teach thinking of others before themselves. This is often acceptable, especially when dealing with non-toxic people. But it’s disastrous when dealing with narcissists, psychopaths, and other predators.

Toxic people prey on givers because they’re the perfect match for takers. Think about it: why would a narcissist target another giver? They might if the need arose. But they prefer givers for obvious reasons.

Related : What Narcissists Say To Win You Back

Unfortunately, putting others before yourself is a big target. Narcissists come rushing in when they smell givers. In their mind, they’ve hit the jackpot.

Set Boundaries

Yes, it’s nice to be nice to nice people. But once you identify a toxic person who’s taking advantage of you, you have to change course.

Get into the habit of limiting your empathy for these people. Don’t feel bad. If they’re constantly taking advantage of your kindness, they don’t deserve it.

Don’t be ashamed to prioritize your own needs over those of toxic people. There’s no limit to what they’re willing to put up with.

People with normal personalities have a natural balancing mechanism in their minds. They feel an urge to give when someone gives to them.

Narcissists don’t do this. They’re always happy to take without giving anything back. So you have to set boundaries, because they won’t.

By changing this mindset, you level the playing field. Therefore, toxic people won’t have an unfair advantage over you. Because of this, they’re less likely to target you.

Other Opinions

If you set boundaries, narcissists may mobilize their instincts and play the victim, portraying you as the bad guy.

It’s important not to let other people’s opinions affect you. If narcissists want to take advantage of them, that’s their business. That doesn’t mean you should. But often, that’s not the case.

Narcissists are selective in who they take advantage of. Therefore, some people never see the ugly side of their narcissism. This means they don’t realize how they treat you.

Related : How Narcissists Use Double Binds Against You

I once kicked a narcissist out of my life. I told people how mean I was for not spending time with her. When I was asked about this, I suggested they spend time with her instead. The blank stare I received was very telling!

Deep down, people knew she was bad news. So, unsurprisingly, they didn’t want to spend any more time with her, even though they were happy to push me to!

Have the courage to stand up for your beliefs. If someone is harming your life, you have every right to kick them out. No matter what anyone says. It’s your life, and no one has an automatic right to it, especially if they’re harmful.

Empathy Variable

Empathy is variable by nature; it’s meant to protect us. When an intruder breaks into our home, we can’t help but feel sorry for them.

Yes, they may be poor. Yes, they may have grown up in a bad environment. But right now, those aren’t your concerns.

Your concern is protecting yourself and your family. Any thought about the poor intruder could jeopardize that. So, you have to reduce your empathy and deal with the situation.

You can also reduce your empathy for toxic people. They don’t empathize with you. So why should you empathize with them?

Reducing your empathy improves your chances of competing and allows you to put your own interests first, for change.

In Society

In society, we face similar problems. While it’s nice to help others, there are limits we must set for our own benefit.

Think about the transgender movement. I knew a transgender person many years ago, and it’s clear they had a difficult life because of it. I’m a strong advocate for helping the disadvantaged as much as we can practically do.

However, advocating for jailing people for hate crimes for using the wrong pronouns is overblown. It would create a society of people who act cautiously, worried about being jailed for simply saying the wrong thing. Especially now, there are hundreds of pronouns to choose from.

Regarding immigration, it would be wonderful if we could help every person on the planet and open borders to everyone. Unfortunately, this doesn’t make sense in the world we live in. It could allow unchecked criminals to enter relatively peaceful communities, causing massive unrest. Unfortunately, without boundaries, our instinct to help others can be our downfall.

Related : How Echoism Turns You Into A Narcissist Magnet

Think about this… Is it healthy for a teenage girl to bring a homeless 30-year-old into her home just because she feels sorry for him?

In an ideal world, this would be wonderful. But in the real world, this is not a good idea. She needs to learn this before she causes harm, even if we empathize with the homeless man’s situation.

You Can Compete For Two Rights

Most people agree that it’s right to protect the vulnerable in society. But at the same time, it’s also right to protect ourselves and our families. So we have to balance the two.

Do we allow the homeless into our homes to help them? Or do we restrict access to avoid jeopardizing our families’ safety?

The same goes for narcissists. It may be right to help a narcissist in need. But if it comes at the expense of your own mental and physical health, it’s a step too far. Especially if they’re playing the victim and deliberately exploiting you.

Don’t let your empathy be exploited, especially by people who won’t help you if things go south.

Your empathy is a gift to the world. But it must be used with caution. Unfortunately, it can be used against you, making it your loss and their gain. This is toxic empathy for you.

Final_Thoughts

Many narcissists consider themselves superior to other personality types because their empathy is a vulnerability that can be exploited.

Related : Narcissist Bread Crumbing

Like a thief in the night, you can’t be overly empathetic toward anyone, especially narcissists, because they will destroy you.

Once they’ve exhausted you, they’ll ignore you and look for new victims. And every time they’re rewarded, they’re encouraged to continue this cycle. So why be a part of it?

Choose wisely who you share your empathy with. Those who deserve it will enjoy your kind nature. Those who exploit you should steer clear of them, because they’ll turn your loving, compassionate empathy into something toxic. Unfortunately, you’re the biggest loser.