Have you spent your life attracting narcissists? When one narcissist leaves your life, does another take their place?
Some people go through life without experiencing the joy of narcissism, while others are filled with them. Why?
If you’re a magnet for narcissists, it might be explained by the relatively new term “echoism”…
What Is Echoism?
Echoism is the exact opposite of narcissism. It’s when a person avoids the spotlight and feels uncomfortable receiving praise or any kind of special treatment.
Echoists prioritize the needs of others over their own. They may feel uncomfortable asking for help.
Some echoists go even further. They don’t even know what their own needs and desires are because they never think about them.
Related : How Narcissists Test Your Boundaries
These traits leave echoists in a constant state of anxiety and exhaustion because their needs are never met, while they invest a tremendous amount of time and energy caring for others.
What Causes Echoism?
Echoing is usually caused by narcissistic parents, echolalic parents, or both. Let’s take them in order…
Narcissistic Parents
Narcissistic parents prioritize their own needs over their children’s. They may avoid their children for support.
Instead, they ask their children for help. The child receives attention, and perhaps even praise, for doing so. Thus, the child learns that to be “liked,” they must meet their parents’ needs and ignore their own.
So, the child may listen to their narcissistic parents’ problems, do them favors, and be their support. However, they never turn to their parents when they need support, even if they are younger and more in need.
This often leads to a lifelong habit of doing everything for others without asking for anything in return. This is because they have been trained to do this from an early age.
Reluctant Parents
Reluctant parents demonstrate their reluctance to their children through their actions. The child sees their parent making room for others, and they may use this as a model for how to build relationships.
Related : The Hidden Costs Of Narcissists In Your Life
Some indecisive parents train their children to be indecisive, actively teaching them to step back and prioritize the needs of others. This isn’t malicious; it’s because they genuinely believe this is the best way to maintain relationships.
Narcissistic Parents and #IndecisiveParents
Some children have both a narcissistic parent and an indecisive parent. Therefore, they learn indecisive thinking from both parents, albeit in the different ways I just discussed.
Having a narcissistic parent and an indecisive parent isn’t as rare as it might seem, because narcissists and #indecisive parents are attracted to each other. Therefore, it’s likely that there will be many similar relationships.
Why Do Echoers Attract Narcissists?
Echoers are attracted to narcissists for obvious reasons. They want all the attention and resources, and they want to feel special at all times.
So, they hit the jackpot when they found someone who always puts them first and willingly puts the spotlight on them.
Narcissists enjoy controlling relationships and feel no guilt about it. Therefore, narcissists are extremely attractive to them; they are their ultimate treasure. This is because they can easily control a relationship without any real resistance.
Why Narcissists Attract Narcissists
On the other hand, narcissists feel guilty about asserting their needs and feel uncomfortable when people do things for them or when they are in the spotlight.
Related : Narcissist Bread Crumbing
So, they feel strangely comfortable with selfish narcissists because they are not pushed into uncomfortable situations where they get anything. Therefore, they do not feel selfish or narcissistic.
Echo vs. Codependency
Narcissism can be confused with codependency; both sacrifice themselves for others. But there are important differences.
Codependent people need people, but they come from broken families. Therefore, they may have a fear of abandonment, a fear that can only be assuaged by ignoring their needs. They do their best to please those around them.
Echoers don’t need people as much. They please people because it’s part of their identity. They don’t want any attention or appreciation in return. They do it because it’s their identity. They have no goal other than not feeling like a burden or a narcissist.
Echoing Versus Introversion
Echoing and introversion are also confused. Both prefer a quieter life, and both avoid noisy, crowded places. But they avoid them for different reasons.
Introverts feel overwhelmed by social interactions, especially in large crowds. So, they need some time alone to “recharge” after being with people.
Echoers spend time alone because they fear socializing, because they don’t want to bother people or feel needed. Therefore, they may spend time alone, even when they don’t want to.
Signs_You_Are_Other_Types
You feel uncomfortable asking for help or attention.
You hate upsetting people, even with the simplest things.
You focus on the needs of others at the expense of your own.
You’re a good listener, but you rarely share your own concerns with others.
One of your biggest fears is being perceived as narcissistic or selfish.
People-pleasing.
You hate praise or being in the spotlight.
Weak boundaries.
Low self-esteem.
What_To_Do_About_This
Echoing isn’t a personality disorder or mental health issue. It’s an adaptation to your environment. So, you learned this style of interaction because it was previously the best way for you to manage your relationships.
Now that you’re older, echoing isn’t helpful to you anymore. It’s holding you back. But fortunately, since you’ve learned these traits, you can eliminate them.
Related : What to Say to a Narcissist to Shut Them Down
Remind yourself that you deserve equal treatment with everyone. As someone who echoes your sentiment, you may have believed that everyone should have their needs met. What makes you special?
It might help to reframe this. Ask yourself, “What makes me so special that I don’t need as much help as others?” This is a point worth reflecting on for a moment.
Practice asking for help. Start small and build up gradually. Ask for small favors, like a small loan or borrowing an inexpensive item.
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but the more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll feel. You may even find that good friends jump at the chance to help you, because you’ve denied them the opportunity for so long.
Remember, good people want to give. They also feel bad about taking without giving back.
The Difference Between Selfishness and Self-Care
Narcissists often label you as selfish if you insist on your own needs and wants. But this is often untrue.
Selfishness is taking advantage of others to get what you want. It forces them to go down on you to lift your spirits. For example, someone is bullied into attending a concert with you, even if they don’t want to go.
Self-care means doing something for yourself, or saying no to something that goes against your interests. For example, declining an invitation because you’re sick or tired.
A narcissist might claim this is selfish because it deprives them of something. But you’re not obligated to meet their needs. It’s not selfish if you don’t take anything from them; it’s simply putting your needs above theirs.
If you tipped the scales, would you want someone to go with you if they didn’t want to go? Of course you wouldn’t. That would be selfish, and it shows who the selfish person really is.
Final Thoughts
Relationships are based on give and take and are supposed to be mutually beneficial.
One-sided relationships aren’t real relationships. They’re one party taking advantage of the other. Unfortunately, predators find out about the annoying ones, and they come in droves as long as you meet their needs, without asking for anything in return.
So, if you want to keep narcissists and other toxic predators out of your life, you have to learn to put yourself first. And that’s right. Because, in the end, we’re all our own first priority. And everyone should respect that, including you!
