Have you ever wondered what a narcissist never says? In this article, we delve into six very rare phrases in a narcissist’s vocabulary. This will also provide insight into a narcissist’s behavior in a relationship. So, let’s explore all the things a narcissistic partner may never say in a relationship.

Key Points

• A partner’s low emotional intelligence can impact your sense of self.
• A partner who is overly defensive and rigid may lack the emotional capacity to communicate in healthy ways.
• Narcissistic partners rarely say phrases like “What I did was insensitive, and I apologize” or “I’ll be angry, too.”

A persistent absence of six emotions may indicate that a partner has narcissistic tendencies. Their lack of empathy, insight, self-reflection, accountability, and partnership with you rather than control may be evidence of low emotional intelligence. Explaining how these deficits affect you may help you assess the emotional security of the relationship.

What’s the thing a narcissist would never say? 6 Things a Narcissistic Partner May Never Say

1. “Your feelings were hurt, and that’s not okay.”

Narcissists often feel upset and resentful when their partner expresses a sentiment they don’t appreciate. This can be most evident when a partner tries to address a problem with the narcissist, which involves the narcissist doing or saying something hurtful.

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Instead of showing empathy, as in the previous statement, narcissists tend to evade responsibility, either by insulting their partner, ostracizing them, or withdrawing their affection to punish them passive-aggressively. Narcissists rarely acknowledge a hurtful act in the moment, as they are usually deeply defensive and resistant to “looking in the mirror.”

However, days or weeks later, the narcissist may attempt to take responsibility for their selfish behavior, but ultimately downplay or covertly justify their transgression. Instead of honest and sincere introspection during the course of the interaction, the narcissist may take days or weeks to understand their emotional abuse, and even then, they may not realize the negative impact their actions have on you.

2. “You have every right to be upset.”

In relationships, narcissists often struggle to respect your feelings when they feel different from you; therefore, they lack empathy. Empathy requires access to deep, uncomfortable emotions that allow them to temporarily engage with their partner’s emotional distress to truly understand them.

This allows the partner to feel less alone in their distress and to connect with a loved one who understands. Feeling understood and close to someone in emotional distress is often comforting and can speed up the healing process.

A narcissist may be too vulnerable to put themselves in someone else’s shoes because it is difficult and taxing on their diminished sense of self. Empathy requires broad emotional shoulders.

Narcissists typically have low emotional intelligence and therefore prefer empathy because it allows them to escape the temporary hardship that empathy requires. Instead, they prefer to be the hero. Empathy allows them to emotionally distance themselves from the pain by pitying you.

Next, they typically assume a position of authority and tell you how to solve the problem or offer to intervene to save the day. In both cases, they use your most painful moments as an opportunity to boost their ego.

3. “I’m glad you told me it bothered you—I’ll try to be more considerate.”

Discussing a problem with a narcissist often leads to an epic conflict. Their refusal to consider your perspective if it differs from theirs can be frustrating. Frustrated and agitated, you may waste a lot of time and energy trying to get the narcissist to understand your perspective.

Unfortunately, their inability to accept another’s perspective in a personal relationship often prevents them from admitting even their own minor mistakes. Additionally, the narcissist may unfairly portray your attempt to address a problem as “aggressive” or “hostile.” They may immediately portray themselves as the victim in the interaction, and you as the “offending party.”

They often convince you and many others that you are unfairly persecuting them. Additionally, the narcissist may take this opportunity to project their own tendencies onto you. Using camouflage and then projection, they ignore your perspective and accuse you of doing what they actually did.

For example, when you confront them about a lie they told you, they distort the narrative and label you a “liar.” Because of their extreme defensiveness, they are typically incapable of self-reflection, so they are unlikely to accept feedback gracefully and use it for lasting growth and change.

4. “What I did was inconsiderate—I apologize.”

Narcissists typically have a distorted self-image. They always consider themselves innocent and therefore rarely take responsibility for any insensitive or inconsiderate action or comment. Instead, they accuse you of being “picky, harsh, overly critical, or difficult to please.” They tend to justify their selfish or disrespectful behavior as justification in response to your “unfair criticism.”

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Their categorical denial of their wrongdoing prevents them from honestly admitting their faults in the relationship. The exception, of course, is when you’re fed up and ready to end the relationship. At this point, the narcissist may offer a general apology for their past behaviors; however, they often downplay and justify their mistakes.

A sign of their insincerity is their constant repetition of their hurtful behavior in the future. They lack genuine empathy, remorse, and insight, so an apology is just empty rhetoric to get out of a “sticky situation.” This type of partner rarely apologizes when absolutely necessary.

5. “I’ll be angry too.”

A telltale sign of narcissism is a lack of empathy. A narcissist shames and dismisses you simply because you know an emotion they don’t care to hear. They expect you to feel the same way about the relationship. If you get angry, they will react with anger in response. If you dare express an emotion that doesn’t align with theirs, they may passive-aggressively punish you by withdrawing their love and affection.

To avoid emotional abandonment, you may find yourself policing your feelings for fear of being rejected. A series of these small abandonment can shut down essential aspects of your personality. Furthermore, when a loved one denies you your basic human right to feel what you feel, it can be dehumanizing. When you’re treated as less than human, it can trigger anger and pain. These experiences can be traumatic. Your intense desire to be heard, respected, and understood, and your deep disappointment when they aren’t, can lead to feelings of loneliness and shame.

6. “How can I help?”

Often, narcissists truly believe they know what’s best. Unable to see things from a single perspective, they firmly believe there’s only one right way—theirs. Because of this one-sided, self-centered outlook, they tend to frequently direct their partner on what to do. Because they believe they know everything, they demand that you follow their advice.

Narcissists also enjoy playing the hero, so they love to rescue and be rescued. Instead of you following their guidance on how best to support you, they may obsess over you and control you. You may be grateful for the help, but it can also strip you of your self-esteem and make you dependent on the narcissist. A loss of confidence in your own competence may follow. Alternatively, a partner who asks you for guidance on how best to support you may be someone who trusts your ability to solve problems.

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Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their hurtful behavior in the moment because they lack the capacity for reflection. They also rarely show empathy, preferring to use your distress as an opportunity to feed their ego, either by playing the “expert” or the “hero.” Furthermore, it’s almost impossible for narcissists to heed your feedback due to their immediate and rigid defensiveness. They may only apologize when they’re in a difficult situation, and taking charge instead of asking you what you need can also be a sign.

For these reasons, a narcissistic partner may fail to respond in ways that maintain closeness in the relationship.