Every day, I hear from more than one person about their experience with narcissistic abuse as a child.
As a child, they had no idea what abuse was. So why would you? By the age of 10, or even 5, you won’t know what narcissism is.
Thanks to sites like “The Narcissistic Life,” you can figure out what happened to you and connect it all together.
Let’s start with these 17 signs.
You know, there are many more signs here, I just have to start with these…
- You’re a People-Pleasing Person
People-pleasing is the desperate need to please everyone, no matter how it impacts your mental health.
As long as those around you are okay, you’re okay. This is because you learned at an early age that your feelings don’t matter, and that you have to work to ensure the happiness of others.
I’m here to tell you that this was never your responsibility.
- You find it difficult to maintain healthy relationships
Healthy relationships involve compromise and trust, give and take, and the idea that no one demands your love unconditionally.
Related : Why I Couldn’t Tell The Difference Between Love and Narcissistic Abuse
If healthy relationships aren’t designed for you, how can you find or be in a healthy relationship as an adult? You’ll naturally be drawn to wanting to fix people or trying to change those who exhibit abusive traits.
Your job isn’t to win the love of a helpless person, but to thrive in the love of someone capable of loving you.
- Boundaries Are Hard
It’s hard to say “no” or refuse when someone crosses them. You say things like, “Okay, that’s okay!” or “I know you mean well.”
No one who violates your boundaries means well, and that’s not acceptable. Narcissistic parents pretend to be parents, automatically allowing them to cross your boundaries because you’re obligated to do what they say, but that’s not true.
We all deserve respect.
- You’re Hypervigilant
Noises, emotions, and situations overwhelm your senses. You’re constantly searching for anything that might be wrong, or trying to understand what others are thinking.
Many children have to question their environment day after day, something they don’t even realize they’re doing. What will Dad be like?
Will Mom call me today?
No child should feel this way, but of course, as the years go by, it leads to hypervigilance.
- Doubting Yourself
Dealing with narcissistic abuse as a child meant frequent times when you questioned yourself, your abilities, your skills, your likes and dislikes—everything.
The root of this stems from the constant criticism, ridicule, and mockery you would receive from your narcissistic parent.
Nothing you did was right or good enough, and now here you are, an adult, drowning in daily doubts.
- You fear success as much as you fear failure
Of course you do. You were never given the opportunity to succeed, and because your light was so dim as a child, you fear feeling its brightness.
Related : 9 Questions We Want The Narcissist To Answer
You were robbed of the possibility of success as a child because your narcissistic parent feared you would be more successful than him. Children are restricted, and this makes them feel like failures.
But these restrictions limit what you believe you’re capable of achieving, and anything beyond that feels terrifying.
- You Feel Isolated
Narcissistic parents isolate their children in the following ways:
They tell them that any family business should stay at home and not be shared with the public. This ensures that the abuse is never discussed, and children can feel extremely lonely.
They distance you from any real friends you make, or anyone they feel you’re getting too close to, to further control you.
So, yes, as an adult, you find it difficult to talk about or admit your problems, and you find it difficult to make or maintain friendships.
- You Find It Difficulty Making Decisions
How can any child who has been abused easily make decisions as an adult?
You may have grown accustomed to having all decisions made for you, and if you dared to try to do it yourself, you would be ridiculed or rejected.
Now, here you are—an adult trying to consider your options and how to make the right decision.
This is where the self-doubt I mentioned comes in.
- Self-Sabotage
Why wouldn’t you sabotage something that was going to be sabotaged eventually, right?
You’re used to things going wrong, or happiness being short-lived, so you might try to make a difference and give up any hope of proving yourself—and your past—wrong.
- You Don’t Know Who You Are
Loss of identity begins at an early age, but children of narcissistic abuse go through all those crucial years of change and hormones without really knowing who they are.
Instead, all their efforts are focused on trying to fit in with who their parents wanted them to be.
Related : You’ll Never Guess These Texting Tricks Narcissists Use to Control You
As an adult, you feel lost and unsure where to place your values or beliefs.
- Anxiety
It’s obvious that anyone who has had an experience with a parent—someone they’re supposed to love and care for—can experience anxiety.
Not knowing their mood.
Never feeling satisfied.
Being misled as a child, not knowing what was best.
Loss of identity.
All of this will trigger fear and anxiety.
- Depression
It’s no surprise that this leads to depression in many adult children of narcissists.
You grieve for the parent you never had, who is still alive.
You grieve for all the loving moments that didn’t happen.
You grieve for yourself, because you went through all this as a child.
- Feeling constantly stressed for no reason
This is what you’re used to; after all, no day is the same.
Narcissists’ moods fluctuate quickly, and children aren’t supposed to understand that.
Related : Watch Out: These Phone Habits Are Deadly Signs of a Narcissist
You wonder what you’ll do wrong next, or you worry that you don’t seem like the right person, and it all comes down to that parent.
- To trust or not to trust?
If you can’t trust your parent, how can you trust anyone else? The first people you learn from are your caregivers, so if they let you down, there’s a lot you need to learn on your own. And trusting is hard.
- To fool yourself
It’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t feel a certain way, or that you don’t need anything from life if you’re constantly being taken away from your true self.
So, yes, adults tend to mislead themselves and ignore what’s really going on.
- You Put Everyone First
Everyone first, because that’s how you were taught to treat your parent in the past.
As long as I can make them happy, that’s all that matters.
If they can be happy, I’ll feel better about how I helped them.
Related : See How Modern Society Is Turning More People Into Narcissists
It was never your responsibility to be a parent.
People-pleasing always puts you last.
- You Detach
Withdrawing and not being in the moment, or when it comes to close relationships, is your default way of trying to feel secure.
This is what you would have done as a child because you felt better being detached from reality.
This continues into adulthood and is a big sign that you were narcissistically abused as a child.
