Wait… what?
I know. It seems strange that someone who goes to great lengths to make you love them actually wants you to hate them.
Narcissists operate according to their own plan, and it’s not one I promise emotionally healthy people will fully understand.
The hatred you feel was part of their game, and I want to take a moment to explain why.
Just when you think it can’t get any worse…
confusing, right?
You’ve probably read countless times that all narcissists crave your love.
They want your attention, your validation.
They want to feed their ego with your misery and subservience.
They feel good knowing you give them everything, leaving yourself with nothing.
Have you ever wondered how narcissists sometimes want you to hate them, too?
Related : Narcissists Hate People With These 8 Traits
Yes, it does seem confusing. It doesn’t make sense for such a toxic and controlling person to want to alienate you in any way, but trust me, it’s absolutely true.
There may come a point where it’s in the narcissist’s best interest for you to change your position and hate them…
…but why?
It’s Not About Love
There may come a point where narcissists realize you don’t have much love to offer them.
You’ve understood them, and you’ve realized what kind of person you’re dealing with. They know you can’t stand their abuse anymore, and it’s a race against time to see who wins.
Narcissists are always after the win—so be prepared for love (or whatever you thought it looked like) to disappear completely.
What replaces this love when a narcissist wants to get rid of you is:
Outright hatred
Abandonment
Not caring
Hateful comments
People turning on you
Spreading lies about you
Activating your triggers
Exposing and exposing your fears
Narcissists do this so you hate them in return. And they’ll be very good at hiding all this hatred because they don’t want anyone to suspect them.
Related : 17 Signs You Dealt With Narcissistic Abuse as a Kid
This is really dangerous.
But what happens next is even worse.
Get Aligned
You’re officially aligned.
And you may be wondering, why?
Well, the narcissist’s game doesn’t stop there.
Think about it, and I mean this, because if you dig deep, you can be one step ahead of them.
The game being played for you is the game you’re expected to participate in, and yet, you often don’t realize it until it’s too late.
What Happens When You Hate?
When a narcissist wants to get rid of you, they’ll make your life hell.
You have two options here.
First, you can walk away. They’ll cry and act like a victim because you left them. People will think you’re old and cruel.
Second, you can resist, and everything the narcissist says about you rings true. You’re fierce. You’re impossible. You’re stubborn. You’re argumentative. You’re dramatic.
Do you see how none of these scenarios will work in your favor?
And yet, the narcissist is there, urging you to hate him and show it to the world.
Related : Why I Couldn’t Tell The Difference Between Love and Narcissistic Abuse
Then he’ll put you where he wants you, exploiting your reactions.
What Narcissists Do With Your Hate
See? I told you. They can’t stand me. I don’t know what I’m doing, it’s so wrong.
I’m trying my best, but I can’t seem to get it right.
These are the phrases narcissists throw at people. Family. Friends. Strangers, if they have to. Hating you is the gift they have to give to others. The people they seek for sympathy, and the people they’re desperate to convince that you’re the problem.
If you make it crystal clear to the world that you hate the narcissist, the narcissist will, in turn, appear to be a good person, reinforcing their victim mentality.
You’re giving them exactly what they want, right? So you hate them, they deny it, and you look crazy.
Breakup? Move on? Get Rid!
Usually, the narcissist’s intense desire to hate only comes when you decide to separate after a long time together.
This whole process can be a shock to the system, especially since much of the abuse was previously committed behind closed doors. Now, the narcissist will take your hatred for themselves and tell the world.
When this happens, you may eventually realize that you’re tied to the narcissist forever if you have children and/or grandchildren.
It can be difficult for these people. They don’t feel like they’re getting a break from all this misery; instead, they’ll unleash new tricks.
Related : Find Out How Narcissists Turn Every Phone Call Into a Power Play
It’s not easy for a narcissist to realize they’re so hated, but by making sure you hate them, they can do their best to cope with those intense feelings, and they’re the innocent party as a result.
Stand Up
You know you’re right. You know you’re a good person. All of these things start to fall into disrepair when the narcissist is around you simply because they insist you feel the way you do.
The hatred you feel stems from:
Resentment at how they’ve treated you all this time
How they’ve spoken to you or your friends and family
The way they’ve tried to punish you for things you didn’t do wrong
Their expectation of you to play by their rules
The violation of your boundaries throughout your time with them
The feeling you have of wasting precious time trying to reconcile with someone who is clearly unwilling or unable to compromise
In short, you’ll never be free of a narcissist until you accept the chaos that comes with being with them.
Sticking to your guns is the only way to ensure you don’t let them win, and don’t allow yourself to be used as a tool to gain their sympathy.
Related : See How Modern Society Is Turning More People Into Narcissists
Narcissists want to:
Be the victim
Get others’ attention
Appear as if they’ve been wronged in some way
Watch you suffer
Watch you experience real emotional pain
Narcissism shouldn’t be treated with caution. If the narcissist you know is keen to make you hate them, it’s because they have a bigger plan to make you suffer…
…So be prepared!
