Being groomed by a narcissist is one thing, but knowing it is another. You may see warning signs every day, and the more you ignore them, the more the narcissist will be groomed.

But what are the true intentions of a narcissist? What are the two key indicators that will reveal their evil game?

As hard as it may be to figure out, that’s what I’m here for, so let’s uncover exactly what narcissists do to manipulate you in the toxic way they do.

Narcissists Sneak In

They sneak in and come into our worlds before we even have a chance to blink and see what’s really going on, and we’ll get to that in point one.

Don’t be fooled though – being groomed by a narcissist is a subtle act of abuse that – if you’re not aware of narcissism – can easily happen to anyone.

The Harassment Game Is Not a Game You Should Say Yes To

I know it’s never a conscious decision to say yes to any narcissistic games, but this is the game you really want to stay away from.

Related : The Ultimate Guide to Survive a Narcissist

They will try their hardest to lure you in, and there are two key indicators that this is happening to you.

1 Too Much, Too Soon

So first point, as promised, I want to touch on how quickly narcissists enter their victims’ lives.

Yes – it happens very quickly. They show up at our front door, and they charm us in.

They do it in a way that makes us feel safe and worthy. The compliments flow. The laughter follows.

Before you know it, you’re:

Opening up to them about the most vulnerable parts of your past.
Letting them know your triggers.
Becoming okay with everything they say and do.
Assuming you’re the luckiest person in the world.
Making plans that could take months or even years to execute.
Imagining yourself with them forever.
You believe every word they say, simply because they wrap every word in gold and present it to you as if it were a rare diamond.

See also 10 Ways Narcissists Ruin Relationships!

The aspect of moving too fast with a narcissist creates a false sense of security, and you won’t realize it until it’s too late.

They want you to move fast with them because then you’ll be:

Less likely to leave them.

Feel like all your dreams have come true.

Think you’ve met someone who keeps their promises.

Under the illusion that they’re with you because they love you.

Stand by them whenever someone challenges you that things are “moving too fast.” To you, you’ve only experienced a sweet, charming personality.

As one of the main ways narcissists pamper themselves, getting involved too much too soon is a dangerous game, but the most dangerous part is that the victim doesn’t realize what’s happening.

Why do you tend to be toxic when you are taken out, treated like royalty, given flowers or expensive jewelry, or taken to a luxury hotel for the weekend?

Related : 10 Signs From The Universe You Are Dealing With a Narcissist

Suddenly, you have the opportunity to talk about your future, and to reveal your past.

The Narcissist:

They take notes. They want to know every part of you, what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, and everything in between. They do this to use later so they can be the cause and cure for your anxiety.

Promises, promises, promises. They want you to believe them, so you can trust them. Once that trust is built, they will abuse it by abusing you, or what many know as the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle.

Narcissistic Abusion Cycle

Let’s talk about this cycle in more detail, so you can understand where the love/hate, push/pull, hot/cold comes from, and where it leads.

Building Tension

When you meet a narcissist, it doesn’t take long for the charm to be replaced by tension.

Before long, you notice tension building. You’re challenged. There are feelings running high, and none of them seem good. You feel like they’re leading you somewhere, but you don’t know where.

Acting

This stage of the cycle is where your fantasies become somewhat distorted by the reality of how they’ve treated you.

Things start to lose meaning anymore. Why are they attacking you? What did you do wrong? Why is your personality changing? What’s this tension in the air?

Why are they giving you the silent treatment? Why are they blaming you for things you didn’t do? What happened to the person you first met?

A lot of questions lead nowhere, because the narcissist won’t be honest enough to tell you that their initial act was all charm and deception.

The narcissist tears apart the dream they created, but only after you’ve formed a bond of attachment. Now they can do all of this, and you’re not going anywhere.

reconciliation

Please forgive me. I will change. I was just stressed. I wasn’t myself, there’s a lot going on.

The reconciliation stage is where the narcissist can pull you back in and try to make everything okay again.

Your magic from when you first met comes back to life, and you see how they try to make you feel valuable and important again.

What a wonderful journey for a victim.

And there you are, the calm stage. Where everything is okay, for a little while.

2 Where did you go?

Victims of narcissistic abuse lose themselves over time in the dynamic.

They don’t mean to, and they don’t want to, but it happens for a number of reasons:

The narcissist pulls you away from who you know through criticism, ridicule, mockery, passive aggression, shame, guilt, and anger.

They convince you that you don’t need to be around the people you love anymore. “You just need me. I’m the only one who understands you.” This isn’t true – but it’s a ploy to make you feel like you can’t trust or rely on anyone else.

Your hobbies and interests stop. You think it’s easier to start arguments with them than to continue because all the narcissist does is make you feel bad in some way every time you try.

They may say you’re not smart or decent or good enough for them, so for you, you think, what’s the point?

You’re losing your identity to someone who constantly questions your version of reality.

Emotional manipulation is a common way narcissists manipulate and control their victims, and they will use a wide range of phrases to do this, such as:

You’re completely crazy.

You have a weird imagination!

It didn’t happen that way at all!

Of course you’d think so.

Are you suggesting I cheat?!

If a narcissist is using manipulation to convince you to think or act a certain way, this is a huge sign that your identity is being eroded, and that you’re being set up.

Identity plays a huge role in not only who we are – it’s who we are.

It’s never too late to find it again – but that can only really happen when you’re completely free of narcissists.

When their abuse becomes yesterday, you can make tomorrow the gift you give yourself.