Have you ever wondered why narcissists keep flocking to you like a bee to honey?
I’m sure you’re naturally pretty sweet, but that’s not the problem.
This one thing you do in particular that keeps attracting narcissists is pretty obvious when you think about it, but most of them don’t like doing it.
It’s not something you realize, but it’s the reason you’re surrounded by toxic people…
…and why they won’t go away.
You want to be left alone, right?
That’s right!
If you know what attracts them, you’ll be better able to fix the problem, and see their back for good.
Supply
What makes you irresistible to narcissists is the supply you provide them.
What do I mean by supply?
Related : 14 Reasons Why You Are a Narcissist Magnet
Well, you’ve probably heard it before, but I’ll give you two real-life examples.
First, Max:
“My ex-girlfriend used silence as a weapon against me. Before I realized what she was doing, for years, I would panic when she would shut up.
My first thought was, ‘What did I do wrong?’
My second thought was, ‘I need to fix this now.’
Trust me. I did everything I could to change the mood in the house, but nothing worked.
I loved her so much, and the thought of making her so unhappy that she wouldn’t even talk to me made me feel guilty and ashamed for causing it.
She wouldn’t participate, and if I walked into a room, she would leave. I would ask her, sometimes even beg her to tell me anything.
I realized how much she loved it, and I almost took advantage of it.
We broke up when I realized she was using me to make herself feel better. I will always notice this red flag from now on.”
Now, on to Caroline.
See also How to Tell if a Narcissist is Lying to You?
Related : Top 5 Accusations From Narcissists
“Whenever my ex-husband and I were scheduled to go out, I would try to look good and be ready at the door. At first, I was excited to spend time with him. Work was crazy for both of us, so I felt like it was a bonus.
He would find me ready and look for any way to comment on my appearance. My butt looked too big; the dress didn’t fit, I wasn’t “rich” enough, my hair was messy.
The insults were always personal, and I took them as such. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t the problem, so I believed him. I didn’t wear what he criticized me for before, because I thought what he said was true.
Eventually, I saw it as one of the ways he got his supply from me. If I was feeling bad, he would have this little smile on his face, and I knew it was all about him, not me.
Never Running Out
All the time, the supply is constantly on offer, and it will never run out.
Narcissists make sure they always have something to take from you, which is why you suffer, and they always seem to come out smiling.
If you’re without, they’re happy. Do you know how many things are really wrong with that?!
Giving Them What They Want: The Consequences
It’s good to try to give the narcissist what they want, but there are some serious drawbacks to constantly placating them.
Every time you agree with them, they know they’ve found someone.
Related : Did You Waste Your Life With a Narcissist?
Every time you allow them to have the last word, or the last word on an issue you’ve been silenced on, your voice is being crushed in favor of what they want to say or do.
Every time you say yes when you want to say no because you want to please them or make them happy, you’re not making them truly happy.
Narcissists are never truly happy. All you’re doing is allowing them to control you and get their way over and over again.
The consequences of this can be devastating, as the narcissist continues to push and shove you to the limit. What can they get away with now? Only the narcissist will know because they’re the ones causing the damage.
Giving them what they want is giving them what they need.
The Attraction is Deep – Why?
The attraction you feel for a narcissist comes from what you feel they offer you in the first few days of meeting them.
Related : 10 Morning Habits That Reveal Someone Is a Narcissist
You’ve met someone, and all your prayers have been answered. They’re perfect.
There’s no deeper attraction than matching someone in every way, but that attraction is based solely on their lies. It’s hard for victims to admit this, because they’re programmed to believe the lie.
Narcissists will suck the life out of you if it means they get to live another day. You won’t be the first to come to them (no one does), and yet you still cling to them.
Why?
Because they can trick you into believing that their treatment of you is the standard of love you deserve.
So you stay, and the love you don’t receive but want will never come.
You have to learn that you deserve more, but because that’s hard, the narcissist keeps coming back.
Time After Time: Nothing Changes
Do you sometimes feel like you’re completely stuck in a loop?
Why doesn’t anything change?
Why do I keep attracting the same type of toxic people?
Why do I keep falling for the bad guy?
Why can’t I ever meet someone nice?
You can meet someone nice, but niceness is always uncomfortable in the minds of people who are used to abuse.
Related !: What Narcissists Tell Their New Partners About You
That’s why you keep attracting them.
You seek out the familiar toxicity because it’s all you know.
Cutting Off the Supply: Healing 101
It’s hard to cut off the supply when you just want to make the person you love happy, but I want you to think about something for a moment.
Is it love?
Is it a stupid question, I’m sure you’ll say yes, I love this person very much.
What you think is love is actually unhealthy, and love isn’t supposed to feel that way.
It is always possible to heal, but without acknowledging what draws you to narcissists, you will continue to find yourself stuck in the same hole you are trying to get out of.
Related : 10 Things Narcissists Do When They Meet Your Family
The first step is to look at the patterns of relationships. What do you give that are ultimately taken away from you?
What are you looking for in a person? Where does your purpose lie in each relationship you are in?
Understanding why can prevent consequences.
