Thinking back on your time with a narcissist can bring up a lot of emotions.

What was I thinking?

Why did I believe them?

What attracted me to them in the first place?

And the main reason?

Did I waste my life with them?

It’s hard to find reasons not to waste time, but if anything, your time with them is a great lesson.

I want to clear that up and show you that it wasn’t actually as much of a waste of time as you might think.

When Regret Eats You

It can feel like a real, deep pain.

But what is regret? Do you wish you had acted differently? Do you wish you could have spotted the signs sooner?

How could you have done any of these things when you were being manipulated, and when you didn’t see the narcissist’s true colors until it was too late?

Regret will eat away at you as you think about all the time you gave to someone who ultimately failed to appreciate you or treat you well.

Related : 8 Places Narcissists Look For Their Next Victim

You might feel angry – how dare they do this to you?

You might feel ashamed – how could you be so stupid?

The truth is, you weren’t stupid at all. You met someone, you gave them a chance, you believed them when they loved you and they threw wonderful gestures your way.

Why would you have known any better at the time? The charm of a narcissist is like a magnetic pull that can draw anyone in – and you’re not excluded.

The regret can sometimes be too much.

ThinkingYourLifeWasted

As Cher’s song goes:

If I could turn back time…

Ultimately, I don’t think there’s anyone among us who doesn’t wish we could go back and respond or do something differently.

From something as small as offering someone alternative words, or choosing the car you were determined to buy but ended up buying a different one.

The truth is – we can’t go back. Nothing can be changed, and we are here because of every choice we’ve ever made.

Some choices were bigger than others, like choosing to stay with someone who turned out to be abusive. The idea that your life was wasted can prevent you from building a new one, and I don’t think for a moment that everything was bad.

I’m not saying that your abuser had good qualities, I’m asking you to think about what came out of the relationship.

Did you have children?

Did you have any pets, maybe a dog or cat?

Did you live in a safe house with neighbors that you got along with and became friends with?

What did you learn from the relationship?

What did it teach you about who you are?

When you think carefully, you’ll be able to see the bigger picture, and it won’t all be a waste of your time.

Jane’s 45-Year Marriage:

I met John, fell in love, and married him within five months. I lived with my parents, who owned a bar, and they didn’t really have time for me. My father always made me feel like I was getting in the way, and my mother was extremely opinionated.

When I met John, I felt like he was the answer to all my problems. I was finally able to start my own family, and give my children the time and affection I never really got.

We were together for 45 years before I finally realized how my whole life had revolved around abuse. I had no idea. I tried to be a good person, and in the end I thought that was what attracted John.

Related : Hidden Ways Narcissists Control Your Social Media Life

He turned out to be a serial cheater, and when we split, I looked at our marriage as a disaster and a waste of time.

It took me a while to get the good out of it, but there was good. He made me stronger. I had to lose my worth to find it. I have three children and four wonderful grandchildren.

Now, it’s my turn to start over and build a new life. And that life can look whatever I want it to look like.

Survival ultimately means success

What can you take away from your experience that proves you survived it?

What does success look like to you?

You have every reason to feel like celebrating, even if you’re not in that state of mind.

Success may be where you finally find yourself.

New job
Time for yourself
Peace
Calm
No drama
Your realness returns
Your confidence grows
Your self-worth returns

As you count the days between the end of your relationship and the day you feel like yourself again, you’ll count all the ways you can succeed.

It’s never too late

The rest of your life is often seen as “too late,” but it doesn’t necessarily feel like a time that leaves you feeling helpless and lost.

This is where everything can change.

It’s never too late for a happy ending, and when you have the opportunity to have one, you should grab it with both hands.

Happy endings might look like this:

Being alone and enjoying your own company without fear of the narcissist and their new mood when they come home

Maybe eventually meeting someone new (that will be entirely up to you)

Learning about narcissism and all the ways narcissists can destroy parts of your life that you can fix later

Learning new hobbies, or making new friends

Deciding what you want to do, and when you want to do it

grief is normal!

I think this is the biggest part of any experience with a narcissist.

There has to be a moment where you realize that the time you spent with the narcissist was not the time you had hoped for. Anything lost, even something you never had, is worth grieving.

The narcissist didn’t provide you with love and affection. They didn’t provide you with a safe space, and for years, you stayed, hoping that things would change.

Now you’re on the other side, wishing you could do it all again.

You loved them, and that’s what hurts. Your love has been in vain, but the fact that you can love will never go away.

That means there is hope. Hope to overcome your experience, and find the love you had for them to turn inward.

You are worth it, and as you grieve, you will discover feelings that make you feel uncomfortable.

There is a void in being with a narcissist. That void is provided by them, and it has nothing to do with you or how much you love them.

Now is the time for change.