Big day for you, right? You’ve met the person of your dreams, and it’s time to introduce them to your family.
Are you feeling nervous? That’s okay. You want everyone to get along. You want things to go smoothly.
Who doesn’t?
I’m going to ask you to hit the brakes at this point, because narcissists who are meeting their partner’s family for the first time are at their most vulnerable.
Things aren’t going to go as planned, even if you don’t realize it at the time.
Here’s why.
Exciting Times!
Here we go! Big day, right? It’s time for all the people you love to come together to meet.
What could possibly go wrong?!
Well, that’s where narcissists get involved… a lot.
Related : 10 Things Narcissists Do When They Meet Your Family
Preparation is key, people!
Narcissists Will Do These 10 Things When They Meet Your Family
1 Charm Switch: ON
I think it’s safe to say that any narcissist will have their “charm” switch turned on. It won’t just be on, it’ll be off.
They want to impress! They were born to leave others in complete awe of them, and their mere presence has to be perfect for that awe to be achieved.
A narcissist’s sole goal is to leave a positive impression on anyone they meet. They want people to walk away saying,
What an amazing person.
(Insert your name here) is so lucky to have met such an amazing person.
I see a bright future for these two!
Have you noticed how good they are listeners?
And that’s where the story begins. That’s where it all begins.
This is how they create a false sense of self in the eyes of literally everyone you know.
So when the time comes for you to start talking about any abuse, they’ll immediately doubt you.
2 Scan the Room
The moment a narcissist walks into a room, they will scan it.
They look for characters, personalities, threats, targets—and where they fit in.
They don’t necessarily want to do anything that makes them stand out, but they will watch their way through those initial minutes. Measuring everyone up will give them the upper hand.
Related : 12 Secret Ways Narcissists Check If You’re Still Under Their Control
Who can I talk to about work?
Who seems maternal and can I compliment?
Where are the stronger characters to avoid?
Who are the quiet people I can question and make feel special?
Where can I laugh, joke, and act out?
The narcissist’s mind never stops. They’re in this for the long haul, and they want to wrap everyone around their little finger in as many different ways as possible.
3 Discover the Type
As mentioned—the type in any room will be one of the first people a narcissist will spot.
Your sweet, warm aunt who never sees the bad in anyone.
The helpful way for your little sister who always asks if someone would like another drink or a scoop of carrots at the dinner table.
The grandma at the end who wants you to meet your happily ever after.
Narcissists put people on their radar for a very good reason. That reason is to swoop in and manipulate as quickly as possible.
They only get one chance to make a first impression—and it has to be a very good one for everyone to like them the way they so desperately need to.
Narcissists are very skilled at mimicry, so the good people in your family will be greeted with good responses.
They want your family to believe that they have a lot in common, and that it’s all to build this false persona.
Once you build it, it’s hard to tear it down.
4 Avoid Stronger Personalities
It’s not unusual to avoid strong personalities. Narcissists don’t want to take on more than they can handle.
They’ll keep conversations short and light, but they’ll spot the strong person from a distance, and they won’t waste time trying to manipulate them.
Related : 10 Things Narcissists Do On Social Media That Expose Them
Instead, you’ll find them trying to match your ego or successes, even if they don’t get close.
They don’t stay in these circles for long. They’d rather be the most impressive, or the most confident.
Of the people they’re trying to outdo, they won’t stand out.
5 Calm? What a shock!
The calmness that the narcissist presents to your family may seem strange and uncomfortable, and maybe they’re just trying to be nice?
That’s a mistake!
They’re quiet because they don’t want attention.
This is what happens when family asks questions, or cares about what they do for a living, etc.
But quiet is actually planning.
6 You’re the best!
When given the opportunity, the narcissist will tell your family exactly what they want to hear.
This could look like complimenting you, talking about how great you are at cooking, or complimenting your kind and caring personality – whatever it may be.
They’re standing here with your parents and extended family, who all love you.
They want to see you happy, and the narcissist will make sure to reassure them that they see what your family sees – you’re great.
7 Laugh when they laugh
Keep playing, and no one will suspect a thing.
The goal of the game here is to be what your family wants the narcissist to be.
Related : 8 Things Narcissists Say About Their Ex-Partners
If they laugh when your mom or dad laughs, they’re building instant bonds and common ground.
As much as it pains me to say it, this is real manipulation. And no one suspects a thing.
8 Listen carefully
Everything your family says will be mentally picked up by the narcissist.
Sister? Talks constantly. Overly confident. Likes to see the victim twice a week for coffee. Needs to back off.
Mom? Nice, but overly protective of her than I’d like.
Dad? Likes to be in charge. Has high expectations for his daughter. Not paternalistic at all.
Brother? I think I can get him on my side and see the way I want him to see me.
All of these evaluations will be going through the narcissist’s mind as he puts your family dynamics into his head.
Yes, this can be done even when you’re all happily sitting around the table eating lasagna!
9 Bragging
Hey, if the opportunity arises, the narcissist will throw in some self-praise for your family.
Yes, I got a dual-engine car last year.
I got promoted last month, so money is no problem.
Oh yeah, this celebrity is a friend of a friend.
I like to go on vacation at least three times a year. I can afford it.
Related : 13 Weird Things Narcs Do When They’re Jealous
My car? Oh, thanks. It’s just a ride.
Bragging is all about material things. The narcissist wants everyone to know that they’re good with money—and that you’re good with them.
10 Watch You Next
Meeting the family is so important. That’s why the narcissist’s eyes will be on you the moment you leave.
If you’ve stirred up affection for a relative, the narcissist will feed it.
My dad seemed colder than usual.
This is when the narcissist will step in.
I’ve noticed that he seems to be rough on you. Have you had to deal with this a lot?
It’s great for them, as they start to push you away and convince you of bigger problems.
