If I were asked right now what your fears are, what would you tell me?

Alexander, I really hate spiders.

I’m afraid of being alone.

I’m afraid of being abandoned and not being loved by anyone.

I’m afraid of flying.

It sounds so easy, right? And most people, if they’re self-aware and open enough, wouldn’t mind sharing their fears with people who are willing to ask and share.

How about asking a narcissist?

What’s the thing you’re most afraid of?

Do you think they’ll tell you? Do you think they’ll explain it to you in detail?

Let’s find out.

Fear: An Insight

While narcissists may seem fearless, they’re not.

Who could be?

Narcissists are born (and believe they are) to stand out from the crowd, and nothing scares them more than fading into the background.

Related ; What Narcissists Really Want From Their Victims

They weren’t meant to go unnoticed. They were born to shine, born to be the center of attention.

HealthyPeopleAndFear

I think it’s safe to say that the most emotionally regulated of us don’t care if we’re the center of attention.

In fact, I personally would rather not be. I like to blend in and talk to everyone. I like conversations to flow, and I like to listen as much as I like to talk.

The fears we have are usually talked about and acknowledged. We might even like to work on them, or get help for them so they’re not our fears anymore.

Imagine a narcissist getting help for their fears?!

Narcissists And Fear

Narcissists are so fragile, you’d never guess you’re meeting one. They seem so confident, like they have it all figured out.

This is a form of projection. They’re projecting a version of themselves that they want you to know. So the next time you think about them, think about all the traits you associate with them.

Related : What Really Makes A Narcissist Panic Inside

Confidence. Fun. Easy to talk to. Charming. Smart. Popular. Successful.

It’s easy to play a role when you’re cast as the lead actor.

Fear becomes invisible. It’s not supposed to be widely available for everyone to see, because it needs to be hidden.

And narcissists hide them well.

What Narcissists Will Never Tell You About Their Fears

There are a few things you need to know about narcissists and their fears.

Let’s take a look.

1 What They’re Specifically Afraid Of

Knowing the specific fears a narcissist has will leave them wide open to possible criticism or exposure.

They’ll never tell you, because they prefer to keep everything under their outer shell of perfection.

What’s really going on underneath is a wealth of unsettled emotions that they’d rather keep private.

If they’re kept private, they won’t become a broader external issue for them.

The stubborn side of a narcissist is a surefire way to ensure that nothing they want to reveal stays under wraps. So, being intentionally vague is the best way to manage that.

2 How Their Fears Make Them Feel

How they feel and what they show you will be two different things.

I’ll give you some examples of how narcissists’ fears really make them feel, and why this can be confusing for you.

Related : How To Brilliantly Outsmart A Narcissist

Anger. Narcissists hate feeling like they’re in a situation that’s out of control. If there’s a risk that someone will find out that they’re afraid of something, they’ll want to reassert their ego by appearing even angrier than usual. Then no one will suspect!

Anxiety. This runs deep in narcissists, but it’s there nonetheless. They don’t like to feel or experience anxiety, and once it does, they’ll cover it up. However, those initial moments where the body and mind want to do what they normally do when you’re confronted with your fear are still there. They’re also anxious that you’ll see them looking afraid.

Fear? What fear? That’s right – they’ll completely ignore the fear. They won’t even acknowledge it to you, they’ll want to brush it off and pretend there’s nothing wrong rather than show the real fear behind it all.

Go away now. It’s so funny when narcissists confront fear. Out of nowhere, narcissists will excuse themselves, pretending they need to be somewhere else, or need to find a bathroom, or get a drink, or they can’t make it; whatever. They leave!

3 How to Trigger Their Fears

Okay. To be clear—a narcissist is not going to stay with you because you’re triggering their fears. Your supply alone will outweigh how you can sometimes trigger those fears.

The fears will be there, though, and you’ll be triggering them little by little.

Let’s say you want a little white wedding. You want friends, family, cake, dancing, a shower—everything.

You want to declare your love, and you want everyone to share in your special day.

This unleashes enormous fears on narcissists. They tend to hold back on love, but they care about the gesture.

Related : WARNING: How Narcissists Use Your Children Against You

For example, a narcissist is more likely to take you on a nice date than to talk about their vulnerabilities after sex.

What you want from this relationship is depth and substance.

What they want is completely different, and you’re driving that inside of them.

Not that they’ll ever admit it!

4 Why They Won’t Face Their Fears

What are fears? I don’t have any fears.

This is the main problem with facing any truth with a narcissist. Fears simply don’t exist.

They can’t face what they refuse to see, and the reason for this is because they don’t want to appear weak. They want to perpetuate that ideal image.

They work hard to maintain a persona that seems noble, that is in control of everything.

Instead of facing their fears, they will do something to compensate for this lack of self-reflection, like yell at you a little louder.

Related : 10 Morning Habits That Reveal Someone Is a Narcissist

They might buy a new car, or take an expensive vacation.

Their fears need to go away, and fast. Any kind of inner work involves looking inward, and that’s not what they build this false persona on. Instead, they build it on lies.

So yeah – these fears are being pushed down. They are unwilling and unable to acknowledge what is really going on underneath it all – they continue to live a life of denial.

And if you bring up the subject and insinuate that they are weak, you will be punished for it.