Imagine you’re talking to a friend, sharing a story or maybe talking about a problem. But before you know it, the conversation turns to something about them. Suddenly, it feels like they’re the main character, and you’re the supporting actor. If this sounds familiar, you may be dealing with a conversational narcissist.
Conversational narcissism is a subtle, self-centered communication style where one person constantly turns the conversation back to themselves. In small doses, it can be harmless, but when it becomes a pattern, it can impact relationships and make others feel invisible. Here’s a deeper look at the signs of conversational narcissism and how to deal with it when you encounter it.
- They Always Redirect the Focus Back to Themselves
The most obvious sign of a conversational narcissist is their tendency to redirect any topic back to themselves. It doesn’t matter if you’re discussing work, travel, or even a personal challenge, they’ll find a way to relate it to their own experience.
For example, imagine sharing details of a recent vacation. Instead of asking questions about your trip, they might interject and say, “That reminds me of when I went to Europe last summer…” or “Oh, I have an even crazier story!” Instead of expanding on your experience, they use it as a way to share their own. This pattern often makes you feel like your story, experience, or feelings are being dismissed.
Why They Do It
Narcissists crave conversational attention and validation. Redirecting conversations back to themselves helps satisfy this need, even if it means cutting others off or ignoring their contributions.
- They Don’t Ask Real Questions
In a balanced conversation, both parties show interest in asking questions. However, narcissists rarely ask thoughtful or follow-up questions. If they do, it’s often superficial and leads quickly to something they want to discuss.
For example, they might ask, “How was your weekend?” but before you can answer, they’re already talking about their own plans. Even when they do briefly listen, it’s often because they’re waiting for their chance to interject with their perspective or story.
Why It Matters
Asking questions shows curiosity and empathy. When someone doesn’t react in this way, it creates an imbalance that can make conversations seem one-sided and unsatisfying.
- They dominate every discussion
Another sign of conversational narcissism is their tendency to dominate conversations. They talk at length, share unnecessary details, and rarely stop to let others speak. You may find yourself constantly nodding or giving short responses, unable to say a word.
For example, you might meet them over coffee, and they’ll launch into a monologue about their latest project or challenge. Even if you try to contribute, they’ll redirect the conversation back to them or ignore what you’ve said. This constant dominance can make social interactions with them stressful and frustrating.
WhyIt’sHarmful
Conversation is about give and take. When someone takes the lead, they can make others feel unimportant, leading to resentment and a lack of connection.
- They rarely show empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. However, narcissists often struggle with this conversation. When you share something personal or emotional, they may give a quick, impersonal response or change the subject entirely, as if they’re uncomfortable offering support. For example, if you mention feeling stressed about an upcoming deadline, instead of offering encouragement, they may respond with, “You think you’re stressed? I have three deadlines next week!” This type of response invalidates your feelings and refocuses the conversation on them.
RootCause
This behavior often stems from an inability to recognize the importance of others’ feelings. Conversational narcissists may lack the emotional awareness needed to support others in meaningful ways.
- They Constantly Seek Compliments
While it’s natural to appreciate positive feedback, conversational narcissists often seek validation for what they’re saying, often at the expense of the flow of the conversation. They may allude to their accomplishments or appearance, hoping that others will notice and compliment them.
For example, they might say something like, “I’ve been so busy at work; I don’t know how to handle all of this!” or “I just got a promotion, but I don’t even know if I deserve it.” These statements aren’t real self-doubt; they’re indirect ways of seeking affirmation.
Why This Behavior Is Stressful
When someone is constantly seeking compliments, it can come across as manipulative, creating a need for constant reassurance. Not only does this distract from the real conversation, it can also make interactions seem artificial.
Read Also: 10 Symptoms of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: A Comprehensive Guide
How to Deal with Conversational Narcissists
Once you recognize these signs, you may wonder how to manage conversations with conversational narcissists without feeling overwhelmed. Here are some strategies:
Set boundaries: Politely but firmly guide the conversation when needed. For example, if they interrupt you, you can say, “I’d like to finish what I was saying first.”
Practice empathetic listening: Acknowledge what they’re saying, but don’t let the conversation drift completely into their territory. Gently redirect to bring the focus back to a balanced exchange.
Use “we” statements: Make statements about shared experiences to encourage a reciprocal conversation. For example, “I think we both know what it’s like to be overwhelmed at work.”
Limit your exposure: If someone’s conversational narcissism is becoming too overwhelming, it’s okay to limit the time you spend in one-on-one settings with them.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with conversational narcissism can be difficult, especially if the person is close to you. Recognizing these signs can help you manage your expectations and set boundaries. Remember, meaningful conversations are about connection and empathy. When you find that balance is off, it’s okay to protect your energy by setting boundaries. Everyone deserves to be heard, and by identifying these behaviors, you can create a healthier, more respectful dialogue with others.
