When we hear the word “narcissism,” many of us imagine someone who is flashy, loud, and constantly seeking attention. But did you know that there are two main types of narcissists: overt narcissists and covert narcissists? While overt narcissists are often easy to spot, covert narcissists are a bit more elusive. Let’s delve into what sets covert narcissists apart from their overt counterparts and why understanding these differences is essential.
Overt Narcissism
Overt narcissism, sometimes called “grandiose” narcissism, is the classic form that most people associate with narcissistic behavior. Overt narcissists are overtly selfish, often displaying grandiosity, entitlement, and a need for attention. They are typically self-confident, charismatic, and assertive, and may dominate conversations, talk a lot about their accomplishments, and demand admiration from others. In relationships, they may be demanding and expect special treatment, as they see themselves as superior to others.
Key Traits of Overt Narcissists:
They are outspoken and self-confident
They seek attention and are likely to brag about accomplishments
They openly feel entitled to special treatment
They may use intimidation or direct manipulation
Covert Narcissism
Covert narcissism, also known as “vulnerable” or “introverted” narcissism, is more subtle and difficult to recognize. Covert narcissists still have a deep sense of entitlement and a need for admiration, but they express these needs through passive-aggressive behavior and emotional manipulation rather than through overt displays. They often appear shy, insecure, or even humble on the surface, but deep down they harbor feelings of resentment, entitlement, and envy. Covert narcissists often see themselves as unintelligible or unappreciated, leading them to play the victim to gain sympathy.
Key Traits of Covert Narcissists:
Introverted or appear shy and insecure
Use passive-aggressive or manipulative tactics
Tend to play the victim or act resentful
Crave for admiration but may seek it through sympathy or covert validation
Key Differences Between Covert and Overt Narcissists
To truly understand covert and overt narcissists, it is necessary to look at their behaviors, attitudes, and motivations. Here are the key differences.
- Self-Image and Presentation
Overtight Narcissists: These individuals are typically bold, charismatic, and assertive. They often talk about their accomplishments, love being in the spotlight, and see themselves as superior to others. They have no problem telling others how great they are.
Covert Narcissists: On the other hand, covert narcissists present a different image. They may appear shy, humble, or even insecure. However, this introverted appearance masks a deep-seated sense of entitlement and superiority. Rather than loudly seeking praise, they subtly crave admiration and validation.
- Emotional Manipulation Tactics
Overt Narcissists: These narcissists are typically direct in their manipulation tactics. They may belittle others, dominate conversations, or make exaggerated claims about their abilities. They expect others to meet their needs and may use intimidation or aggression to get what they want.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists use more subtle forms of manipulation. They may use passive-aggressive behavior, play the victim, or use guilt to get attention. Rather than publicly demanding admiration, they often insinuate that they deserve sympathy for their hardships, subtly eliciting sympathy and support from others.
- Reaction to Criticism
Overt Narcissists: If you criticize an overt narcissist, expect a strong reaction. They are likely to respond with anger, rejection, or even overt revenge. Overt narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism, which they see as a threat to their inflated self-image.
Covert Narcissists: Criticism from covert narcissists can lead to a more passive-aggressive response. They may internalize the criticism and act as if they are hurt or misunderstood, making the person giving the feedback feel guilty. Covert narcissists are known to harbor resentment and may subtly undermine others as a form of revenge.
- Empathy and Relationships
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists typically lack empathy. They view relationships as a means to gain admiration, status, or self-validation. Overt narcissists often have superficial relationships, with their primary focus being on what others can offer them rather than genuine connection.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists may appear empathetic, but their empathy is often selective or staged. They may be overly sensitive to their own emotions and experiences, but struggle to truly understand or relate to the feelings of others. They may use vulnerability as a way to bond with others, but this is usually selfish rather than genuine.
- Feeling Entitled
Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists will openly display entitlement. They expect special treatment, appreciation, and admiration, and are quick to express frustration if these needs are not met. They see themselves as entitled to special privileges simply because they feel superior.
Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists also feel entitled, but this manifests itself in more subtle ways. They may believe they are unique or exceptional and resent others for not recognizing this. Instead of making external demands, they may feel victimized if they don’t receive the appreciation they believe they deserve.
Read Also: When Does a Narcissist Start Hating Their Spouse?
Why It’s Important to Understand These Differences
Understanding these differences can help you recognize covert and overt narcissists in your life and take steps to protect yourself. Here’s why it’s important:
Awareness Protects You: Recognizing the subtle manipulation tactics of a covert narcissist can help you avoid getting sucked into a toxic relationship. Awareness helps you set boundaries and avoid getting sucked into a cycle of guilt, resentment, or emotional manipulation.
Healthy Relationships: Being aware of narcissism allows you to approach relationships with greater awareness. You’ll be better equipped to distinguish between mutually beneficial and unhelpful relationships, reducing the risk of emotional harm.
Better support for loved ones: Sometimes, our friends or family members are in relationships with narcissists without even realizing it. By understanding the signs of overt and covert narcissism, you can support those around you by helping them recognize the red flags.
Personal growth: Finally, understanding narcissistic traits can help you reflect on your boundaries, emotional health, and self-awareness. It’s an opportunity to build stronger interpersonal skills and develop healthier, more resilient relationships.
How to Deal with Narcissistic Behavior
Whether overt or covert, dealing with narcissistic behavior can be challenging. Here are some strategies that can help:
Set clear boundaries: Both covert and overt narcissists often push boundaries. Be sure to set boundaries firmly and calmly about what is and isn’t acceptable.
Stay grounded: Narcissists may try to distort your perception or manipulate you. Maintain a close circle of trusted friends or family members to keep you grounded and help you gain perspective.
Prioritize self-care: Narcissistic individuals can be emotionally draining. Be sure to prioritize your personal well-being and take breaks from the relationship when necessary.
Seek professional guidance: If you find yourself in a close relationship with a narcissist, whether it’s a partner, family member, or colleague, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide tools to manage the relationship and maintain your mental health.
Final Thoughts
Understanding the differences between covert and overt narcissists is like opening a hidden door to healthier relationships and emotional resilience. While overt narcissists are often easy to spot because of their showy, selfish behavior, covert narcissists require a more discerning eye. They blend into everyday life, using subtle manipulation to satisfy their need for validation.
By recognizing the signs of both types, you empower yourself to set boundaries, protect your mental health, and foster healthier, more authentic connections. Whether online or in real life, awareness is your best tool for navigating narcissistic personalities. So keep this guide in mind, and remember: You’re not alone in your challenges of understanding and coping with narcissism.
