Narcissists are masters of manipulation, using words as their primary tool to control, confuse, and captivate their targets. One of their most insidious tactics? Texting. Texting gives narcissists the perfect playground to deploy their strategies without immediate confrontation or exposure. If you’ve ever felt a text conversation leave you in a downward spiral, doubting yourself, or feeling drained, you may have encountered a narcissist at work.
In this article, we’ll delve into ten eye-opening examples of narcissistic texting, decoding their ulterior motives, and giving you the tools to recognize and effectively deal with these situations.
- The Love Letter
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re perfect.”
At first glance, this message may seem sweet, even romantic. However, it’s a classic example of love bombing—a narcissist’s way of showering you with emotion in order to quickly gain your trust. This phase is often short-lived and designed to lure you in emotionally. Once you’re invested, the narcissist typically switches to more controlling or critical behaviors.
- Guilt Script
“I thought I’d stop bothering you. I’m clearly not that important to you anymore.”
Related : 7 Truths About Self-Aware Narcissists and Their Behavior
This script is full of passive aggression. The narcissist uses guilt to manipulate you into reassuring them of your loyalty or interest. It’s a subtle form of emotional blackmail, designed to make you feel responsible for their insecurities.
- Manipulation Script
“I never said that. You’re just making things up again. Why are you always being so dramatic?”
Manipulation is a signature tactic of narcissists. In texts like this, they deny facts, distort conversations, or blame you for being overly sensitive. Over time, this constant rewriting of reality can make you question your memory, perception, and even your sanity.
- Manipulation Script
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I miss the way things used to be between us.”
Named after the brand of vacuum cleaner, manipulation refers to a narcissist’s attempt to “suck” you back into their orbit after a period of silence or distance. These texts often come after you’ve tried to set boundaries or distance yourself. They exploit your nostalgia and vulnerability, making you question your decision to leave.
- Self-pity Script
“Everyone is against me. No one understands what I’m going through.”
Narcissists often portray themselves as perpetual victims to elicit sympathy and shift the focus back to them. This type of messaging can make you feel like you’re comforting them, which diverts attention away from any wrongdoing on their part.
- The Triangulation Script
“Even [insert name of mutual friend] agrees with me that you’re overreacting.”
Triangulation involves bringing a third party into the dynamic, whether real or imagined, to validate the narcissist’s point of view and undermine your self-esteem. It creates confusion and isolates you, as if others are against you.
- The Projection Script
“You’re so selfish. All you think about is yourself.”
Projection occurs when the narcissist accuses you of behaviors or traits that they actually exhibit. It’s their way of deflecting responsibility and making you question your own behavior instead of scrutinizing theirs.
- The Blame Script
“I only acted this way because you pushed me. If you hadn’t, none of this would have happened.”
In this type of message, the narcissist shifts responsibility for their actions onto you. By blaming you, they avoid accountability and make you feel like you’re the “problem” in the relationship.
- The Intermittent Praise Text
“You’re great when you’re not acting like you were yesterday.”
This text combines praise with indirect insults. Narcissists often use intermittent reinforcement—alternating between approval and criticism—to keep you off balance and constantly seeking validation.
- Fake Texting
“I can’t wait to start a family with you someday. We’ll have the perfect life together.”
Fake texting involves making promises about the future to keep you interested in the present. Narcissists use this tactic to maintain control, even though they often don’t intend to follow through on these promises.
Read also: 9 Reasons You Keep Falling for a Narcissist Over and Over
How to Deal with Narcissistic Texting
Recognizing narcissistic patterns is the first step in protecting your mental and emotional health. Here are some strategies to help you deal with such texting:
Don’t react emotionally: Responding to manipulative text messages with strong emotions often feeds the narcissist’s need for control. Instead, keep your responses neutral and brief.
Set clear boundaries: Communicate firmly about what you will and won’t tolerate in your interactions. Stick to your boundaries, even if the narcissist tries to guilt-trip you or charm you into breaking them.
Avoid Overly Defensive: Narcissists thrive on dragging you into lengthy defensive arguments. Keep your responses brief and avoid justifying yourself unnecessarily.
Document patterns: If you’re dealing with a narcissist in a context where accountability is important (e.g., co-parenting, workplace conflicts), take screenshots of their messages. Keeping a record can be helpful in demonstrating manipulative behaviors.
Seek Support: Dealing with relationships with narcissists can be stressful. Consider reaching out to a therapist or support group to process your feelings and gain clarity.
WhyTextingIsANarcissist’sPlayground
Texting offers narcissists unique advantages. The asynchronous nature of texting allows them to carefully craft their responses, ensuring maximum impact. They can avoid direct confrontation, giving them more control over the conversation. Additionally, texts create a written record, which they can later manipulate to fit their narrative.
For you, texting from a narcissist can be a source of anxiety and confusion. Recognizing their tactics can help you regain control and respond in ways that protect your peace.
Final Thoughts
Texting from a narcissist can be subtle, but their effects are far from subtle. By understanding these common examples, you’ll be better equipped to spot manipulation early and protect yourself. Whether you’re dealing with a romantic partner, family member, or coworker, remember that you have the power to set boundaries and prioritize your mental health.
