We all know that feeling when you say “no” to someone and somehow, you feel like you’ve just committed the worst crime imaginable. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you know exactly what I mean. Saying “no” becomes a daunting task because you somehow end up feeling guilty, ashamed, or like you’ve let someone down—when in reality, you’ve just set healthy boundaries. But to a narcissist, your “no” is an existential threat.
Here are 25 ways narcissists manipulate and twist your reality to make you feel guilty, so you’ll start questioning yourself instead of standing your ground.
- They Play the Martyr
You said “no,” and suddenly, they’re the victim. They’ll act like you’ve crushed their spirit, like your boundaries are an affront to their very existence. - They Make You Feel Guilty Until You Do What They Want
A narcissist will make you feel like the worst person on earth for not doing what they want. They’ll say, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” turning your simple refusal into a betrayal. - They project their feelings onto you
They’ll say, “You’re making me feel this way,” when in reality, they’re just trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty for standing up for yourself. - They promise to change, but they don’t follow through
Narcissists are experts at promising to make things better, only to manipulate you into thinking that saying “no” might ruin the one chance they have for change. Warning: They won’t. - They deceive you
They make you question your feelings and reality. They say, “You’re too sensitive,” completely ignoring that “no” is a normal, healthy boundary. - They use past mistakes against you
Remember that one time you said “yes” when you shouldn’t have? They’ll dig that up in your face, shove it in your face, and make you feel like saying “no” now is some kind of unforgivable abuse. - They Make You Feel Selfish
A narcissist will reframe any of your boundaries as selfish. Suddenly, prioritizing your needs becomes a “selfish act” that makes them feel neglected. Who would have thought self-care could be so terrible? - They Play on Your Emotions
They’ll use your feelings to guilt you into saying “yes.” “You don’t want me to get mad, do you?” becomes their weapon of choice, leaving you torn between their drama and your own peace. - They Make Everything About Them
A narcissist doesn’t care about the “why” behind your “no.” All they know is that your rejection is about them and their need to control the situation. - They Demand Constant Validation
If you reject them, they’ll convince you that you don’t care about their feelings enough to validate them. You’ll end up feeling like you’ve broken a rule that never existed.
- They manipulate your empathy
Narcissists know you’re kind-hearted, and they’ll take advantage of that. “But I need you” is their go-to phrase to turn your rejection into an emotional failure on your part. - They use silence as punishment
Ignoring becomes their tool of choice, and suddenly, you wonder if you made the wrong decision. Their silence says more than words: “You owe me.” - They make you feel responsible for their emotions
Tantrums, mood swings, or passive-aggressive comments are all your fault in their eyes. Saying “no” means you’ve failed to meet their emotional needs, and guilt builds up. - They label you as ungrateful
If you reject them, they’ll accuse you of being ungrateful, reminding you of all the “favors” they’ve done for you—even if those “favors” are manipulative in nature. - They victimize themselves
“I always do everything for you, and this is how you repay me?” They twist the narrative, and suddenly, you’re the one who was unfair to them. A classic narcissistic tactic. - They invalidate your feelings
When you say “no,” they’ll try to invalidate your feelings, making it seem like your own emotions don’t matter. They might say, “You don’t even know what you want,” undermining your own desires and choices. - They make you feel inadequate
They make you feel like you’re not enough if you don’t say “yes” to them. “If you really cared, you’d do this for me,” they’ll imply, planting seeds of self-doubt. - They turn others against you
When you start setting boundaries, they’ll spread lies or make subtle remarks to others to make you look bad. It’s all about manipulating the situation to get people to side with them. - They Play the “You Owe Me” Card
Saying “no” to a narcissist makes you feel like you’ve betrayed them because in their eyes, you owe them everything they’ve done—even if it wasn’t something you asked for. - They Make You Feel Like a Bad Person
You’ll feel like you’re morally wrong for standing up for yourself. Narcissists will make your refusal seem like a moral failure, twisting your sense of right and wrong. - They Act Like Rejecting You Is a Betrayal
Saying “no” is a violation of the unspoken contract you made with them. You’ll feel like a traitor, and they’ll tell you so.
- They turn your “no” into a reflection of who you are
It’s no longer just a word. It’s a judgment on who you are as a person. They may say, “You’re so rude!”, turning your boundaries into an attack on your character.
- They imply that you’re unreasonable
“Why don’t you do this for me?” They make you feel like your refusal is completely illogical, like your personal needs are irrelevant to the situation.
- They accuse you of not loving them
When you say “no,” they accuse you of not loving them enough. “If you really loved me, you would…” becomes the line they use to manipulate your emotions. - They make you question your decisions
After saying “no,” you’ll start to question your choices. They’ll make you think that it’s your fault for setting boundaries and that you should feel guilty for putting yourself first.
Narcissists are experts at making you feel guilty for setting boundaries. The truth is, it’s all just a game, a way for them to maintain control and keep you trapped in a cycle of guilt and manipulation. It’s important to remember that boundaries are healthy and necessary. Don’t let anyone, especially a narcissist, make you feel guilty for saying “no.”
