If unresolved trauma from a narcissistic relationship is beginning to severely impact your life – you’re not alone.

Trauma can leave a physical and mental scar, and sometimes it can take you by complete surprise and shock.

Caught in the hot-and-cold, manipulation-and-manipulation cycle – your body will respond with chronic stress.

I want to unpack what all this means – and if it helps some of you – my mission is done.

IsNarcissisticTraumaReal?

Let’s get one thing straight…

…any event that brings illness into your life, will create illness. That’s the full meaning of the word – and illness is no joke.

Narcissistic trauma is as painful and traumatic as any other trauma, so much so that its complexity has led to a sub-diagnosis of PTSD, known as C-PTSD, or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The disorder is in your mind, which in turn affects your body. It makes you sick in many ways, and Complex PTSD is rooted in abuse under a narcissistic persona.

When I say things like, “Narcissistic abuse can make you anxious and depressed,” I don’t want you to underestimate for a second what that really means.

This is a web of poor well-being woven by your abuser, which you are forced to live in until you can begin to unravel and heal.

I always say: it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible.

Signs of Narcissistic Trauma

1 Flashbacks

When you think of flashbacks, you probably think of veterans returning from war, who often experience intense emotions of returning to the place where they fought.

You’d be absolutely right—it does happen—and it’s very upsetting for people who experience it—because it’s a reminder of their trauma.

Flashbacks don’t stop there, they can be devastating for victims of narcissistic abuse.

Flashbacks can be very real and intense. Your body goes through all the motions as if you were experiencing them in real time, which can make your mind and body feel very distressed.

The racing heartbeat. The sweating. The feeling of being stuck and needing to escape. The terror. The anxiety. The pain.

When your nervous system has to deal with flashbacks on a regular basis, it tells your brain that you are still there in that traumatic event, even if it was in the past.

Keeping it tied and tied to the present moment prevents you from being able to move forward.

2 Being Hypervigilant

What do narcissists teach us?

One key thing is how hypervigilance can awaken—and remain—with victims.

It’s natural to want to protect yourself from harm, and during your time with the narcissist, you may have felt inclined to do just that.

This would prove impossible, as the narcissist’s games and control overcame your sense of security.

No matter what you did, it was wrong. No matter how hard you tried to be the person you thought they needed, it was never enough.

You were punished for no reason—and left feeling like you didn’t know what was going to happen next.

It’s a terrible state of mind to be stuck in, but the trauma of it all can leave you feeling like you’re on constant alert.

3 Difficulty Regulating Your Emotions

Are you happy? Can you show it in a healthy way?

What happens when you feel stressed? Do you feel like the world is crashing down on you?

How do you express yourself? Are you unable to do so? Do you think you’ll automatically be misunderstood?

These are all signs of narcissistic abuse. The time you spend with your abuser is time you spend away from connecting with yourself. These opportunities have been taken away from you, made to feel like they don’t matter enough.

The trauma of the abuse has left you feeling like you can’t deal with your emotions effectively.

When things go wrong, you blame yourself. When you’re rejected, it’s like the whole world is telling you that you don’t deserve what you want.

When you’re feeling down, it’s hard to get up because you’re left feeling worthless on every level.

However, many victims here are unable to see the connection between narcissistic abuse and unregulated emotions.

4 Relationship Struggles

When you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you’ll remember it for a long time. It will fundamentally change how you perceive future relationships, how you enter them, and how you live in them.

It’s a complete mindset shift, meaning you automatically shift to the negative instead of the positive.

Pretty soon, you won’t be able to hold onto anything potentially healthy or look for the good in people who aren’t narcissists.

5 Avoid Triggers

When we avoid triggers, they don’t go anywhere. They stay inside you, still lit up by the actions of others.

Triggers shouldn’t stop you from living the life you want, and when someone ignites an uncomfortable part of your past and turns it into a physiological present moment, you need to figure out how to learn to overcome it instead of letting it drown you.

6 Clinging to Narcissists

When you spot one, you can spot them all. This works to your advantage if you’re determined to walk away from them.

If you and a narcissist are drawn to each other, it’s because your personalities need each other (while you’re not working to boost your self-esteem and self-worth), and it’s a cycle that continues until you find that value.

7 Memory Problems

I don’t want to get too “scientific,” but I need to highlight the connection between narcissistic abuse and memory loss.

With the constant state of fear that narcissists keep their victims in, the amygdala, which is responsible for heart rate, fight or flight, and primal emotions like love, hate, and fear, is severely affected.

Victims live in a state of fight or flight every day, and over time the amygdala becomes hyperactive.

Instead of making new connections, the brain is bombarded by the stress hormone cortisol. Our attention becomes focused on our feelings, rather than retaining any new information.

8 Sleep Problems

No victim of narcissistic trauma sleeps well until they truly begin to heal. As I mentioned in the last point – fight or flight becomes a constant “on” switch.

If you’re on high alert… you’re not sleeping.

Sleep deprivation can attack your mental and physical health over time, so it’s really important to address it when sleep starts to diminish.

9 Anxiety

It goes without saying that someone who doesn’t hesitate to put you down will leave you with some level of anxiety.

From mild to severe – you may notice a difference in your mental health – for all the wrong reasons.

A lifetime of anxiety is a condition that you should consciously work to reduce in ways that work for you.

Whether it’s journaling, regular exercise, therapy, or even self-awareness of your anxiety triggers.

10 Depression

When asked to describe depression, I say this:

Depression is not the inability to feel sad, it’s the inability to feel anything at all.

Over time, a person who has experienced narcissistic abuse will be left with this trauma, and it will erode all sense of belonging, affection, and desire.

If you feel like this describes you, I urge you to reach out and get help.

It’s available.