I’m a very lucky man!
…
You’re an embarrassment! Who else would love you?!
These two phrases certainly can’t be used by the same person…
…Wrong.
All narcissists can use them in relationships on a daily basis.
The Jekyll and Hyde persona can be soul-destroying – but there are other ways they treat you in public versus in private.
Knowing each of them, means gaining the upper hand over their toxic personality.
I have 8 ways narcissists treat you differently and act like two complete opposites…
…Are you ready?
Narcissists: Why Change?
Narcissists refuse to let anyone in on their true selves. The toxicity behind their mask is truly evil, but if they keep it behind closed doors, they can act like a formal charmer in public.
Knowing that there are two sides to every narcissist is frustrating for victims who know the truth, but what happens?
When you try to convince everyone of what you see, you end up looking like you’re crazy!
That’s exactly what a narcissist wants.
8 Ways Narcissists Treat You: In Public vs. Behind Closed Doors
1 Spokesperson vs. Smiling Person
You’re the person they complain to. They tell you how much they hate you and what they despise in everyday life.
Narcissists hate most things, and they use you as their mouthpiece to hear everything.
You hear it all, and you smile and nod. Soon enough, it becomes a drain that you collapse every time they open their mouths and talk about those you love and care about.
They don’t stop, and it drains your happiness.
Then, just as they’ve said everything negative and more, you walk out together, and you have a smile on your face.
You’re smiling because you have to pretend to be happy.
They’re smiling because they want to act like all the complaining and moaning never happened.
They approach the people they have just hurt, acting like they are best friends.
You are confused. Why are they so inconsistent in their private and public lives? I know we all like to complain from time to time, but this negativity was malicious and filled with the real purpose of hurting others.
2 Damp down your enthusiasm – Everything is fine
I don’t want to go to this party.
I told you, there’s no part of me that’s looking forward to seeing your family and friends.
I’m not in the mood, yet you insist on dragging me along.
Related : You Must Never Say These 10 Things to a Narcissist
I told you, I’m not a fan of this movie series. Yet, here we are anyway.
It all starts behind closed doors. You hear it, you feel like throwing in the towel and calling, but you promised your loved ones you’d show up.
You knew this was going to happen; the narcissist always spoils things before you leave the house. They don’t want to go – it’s all about them.
You leave the house – you’re finally on your way and all you hear is their childless grumbling about wanting to stay home.
You’re finally late – but before you have a chance to open your mouth – the narcissist opens theirs.
Oh, you know how they are! They didn’t know what dress to wear – that’s why we were late!
You can’t believe it. In one moment, the tables are turned, and you’re in charge.
3 Criticism vs. Compliment
You look terrible. I hate being seen with you when you don’t put in the effort.
Hello everyone! Here we are, doesn’t my wife look absolutely amazing tonight?
She’s draining you in one breath, and bragging about you in the next.
Where does that leave you and your self-esteem?
You want to cry, but you also want to hide.
I get it. This treatment is done to make you feel bad about yourself, and to give you a terrible, untrue complex about your appearance.
4 Withholding Money – Money Is No Barrier
Behind closed doors, you can expect the narcissist in your life to be obsessed with controlling money.
Sometimes, you may not see any money coming to you if you share bank accounts. It’s not uncommon for narcissists to keep your passcodes, and hand you the bare minimum of what you need.
However…
In public, that money will almost be tossed in the air. Look at me, look at how much money I have! Look how generous you are!
No one needs to know the truth—except you, of course.
5 The Toxic Magician
Toxic to you—charming to everyone else. It can act as a trigger for any victim when they see the person they’ve fallen in love with using that same magic in public.
Now, you know this is all fake.
Narcissists want everyone to like them, and they’ll do whatever it takes to get that.
6 Abuse vs. the Perfect Image
One client said her father would say,
I don’t want any of the family business going out the front door. What happens in this house, stays in this house. It has nothing to do with anyone else.
At the time, she said she did what she was told; convinced that her family’s private business was sacred.
It wasn’t private business, it was abuse.
Because no one opened their mouths to talk about it, it meant that her father, the narcissist, could get away with it as the head of that perfect image.
Sound familiar?
7 Annoyance vs. Love of My Life
What a hurtful way to treat me, isn’t it?
You’re easy to get along with.
It doesn’t matter if you’re in my life or not.
You feel down, but in public, you’re treated like you’re the love of the narcissist’s life—and they may even tell their audience that.
Related : 11 Famous Narcissistic Leaders in History
They want to appear to be the nicest, most caring person to everyone in order to maintain the perception that they’re great in every way.
But you know they’re not!
8 The “After” Change
Leaving an event with a narcissist when they’ve been on their best behavior all evening can leave you feeling warm and cozy inside.
It’s nice to be in a good mood, full of joy, and happy to be hanging out with you.
Until they get in the car.
Suddenly: radio silence.
You did something wrong.
You said something wrong.
You flirted with someone.
Whatever the mistake—expect that change to happen once they find you alone.
Remember, narcissists have just exhausted themselves by pretending all night, and now they need to take off the mask and let their negativity flow freely.
It’s a shame to have to put up with it all, isn’t it?
