Children of narcissistic mothers often grow up feeling confused, angry, and truly unloved.
They’re used to an unpredictable home life, and they’re used to feeling like nothing they do is good enough.
As they grow up, they often blame themselves for their mother’s behavior. They desperately want her affection, and they cling to anything that resembles her.
But now, as an adult, you may feel torn about having any relationship with your mother.
You may feel angry about the dysfunctional family dynamics you’ve experienced. You’re tired of her mood swings or her complete disregard for boundaries.
But sometimes, you still blame yourself. Identifying someone for their narcissistic traits can be both empowering and frustrating.
In this article, you’ll find 25 phrases that are all too familiar to the sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers. How many of these phrases do you know?
What Are the Signs of a Narcissistic Mother?
A narcissistic mother can be one of the most destructive relationships a child will ever experience.
Mothers are supposed to be caring and attuned to their child’s needs. However, a narcissistic mother puts her own desires and emotions before others.
She may love her child, but her love is conditional, and when the child acts in ways that are displeasing or threatening to them, she often becomes controlling and manipulative.
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Here are some familiar phrases that children of narcissists find themselves saying, either privately or out loud to others:
1 “My mom yells at me and then acts like nothing happened”
It seems like you’re always “nice” to her. You try to say things in a way that avoids her narcissistic rage.
You avoid being honest because you don’t want to hurt her feelings.
You either don’t set boundaries because you know they won’t be followed or you set boundaries and act like she never heard them.
But when you do react, she quickly “moves on” and expects you to do the same.
2 “My narcissistic mom always wanted sympathy”
Was your narcissistic mom always sick? Life with a narcissist can be a lot of things, but it’s never boring.
Narcissistic moms tend to pick up drama wherever they go. They often rely on their children for emotional support in emergencies.
They want sympathy on demand, even though they can’t provide that need for others.
3 “My mom makes everything about her”
It was always about her — that’s the familiar phrase that narcissistic kids say when they think back to their childhood.
If you’re just getting close to buying a house, she’ll start telling you how frustrated she was when she bought her first home.
She’ll start complaining about her terrible boss if you’re struggling at work. All conversations seem to be focused on her and her needs, with very little interest in what she’s going through.
4 “My mom is constantly exaggerating stories”
4 “My mom is constantly exaggerating stories”
Narcissists love to embellish their stories to make their lives seem more appealing than they are.
They’re known for being dramatic storytellers, but if you accuse them of deceit, they’ll never admit it.
They may even become defensive by saying something like, “I would never say it that way,” or “I was just kidding—don’t take it so seriously!” In true narcissistic fashion, they’re tricking you into distorting your truth.
5 “My narcissistic mom is competing with me”
From an early age, children of narcissists often feel like their parents are competing with them.
Daughters of narcissists, in particular, can feel like their mothers are sabotaging their success or are jealous of their accomplishments.
They may copy your hairstyle after you change it or take a fancy vacation after you announce you’re taking a trip.
6 “My mom is constantly talking about how much she sacrificed for me”
6 “My mom is constantly talking about how much she sacrificed for me”
Narcissistic moms love to talk about how much they had to “give up” to raise their children.
Whether it’s talking about the burden their bodies took on during pregnancy or how they helped you financially, they’ll never miss an opportunity to bring up guilt for how much they put up with “to give you the best.”
7 “My narcissistic mom turns everyone against me”
7 “My mom turns everyone against me”
It’s not uncommon for narcissistic moms to have strained relationships with other family members, including grandparents, aunts and uncles, and even other siblings.
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However, they’ll never acknowledge their role in tearing the dynamic apart. Instead, they’ll make it seem like she’s the victim and that you’re betraying her if she gets involved with others.
8 “My mom is very passive aggressive”
8 “My mom is very passive aggressive”
Many narcissistic mothers are more secretive and vulnerable in their narcissistic tactics.
So, instead of being aggressive in their communication, they may be more passive aggressive.
This tends to make people feel confused and stressed. You can sense that something is wrong, even if they don’t tell you what it is, and you thrive on feeling upset.
9 “Mom is never happy with my accomplishments!”
In a healthy parent-child relationship, parents enjoy their child’s success and emotional well-being.
They want their child to experience happiness and are often willing to do almost anything to support that.
But narcissistic parents struggle when others are happy. Because they are so unhappy themselves, they feel jealous and threatened when others are doing well—even when their child is.
10 “My mother considered me the golden child or the scapegoat
Narcissists love to pigeonhole people into all-or-nothing categories. The golden child is an extension of all of your mother’s greatness and talents.
This child absorbs all of her stress and feels the need to perform perfectly. The scapegoat, on the other hand, is the black sheep.
This child is blamed for everything in the family, even if they have done nothing wrong. They blame everyone but themselves.
11 “My narcissistic mother thinks I’m a narcissist!”
In classic projection, some narcissistic parents try to convince their children that they are selfish, narcissistic, or mentally unstable.
This is a way for them to avoid personal accountability and maintain a scapegoat presence for the family.
Of course, if you hint at concerns or questions about parts of their personality, they will react defensively.
12 “My mother cares a lot about what people think”
Despite how they may present themselves on the surface, many narcissists care disproportionately about what they What others think of them.
Her reputation is her top priority, and she wants people to think well of her (because it also keeps her need for constant validation alive).
You probably grew up looking in the mirror and adjusting to different people to fit in socially.
13 “My mom can’t stand getting old”
The concept of aging is scary for most people, but narcissists often find it incredibly unbearable.
If your mom was physically attractive or relied on her looks to get attention, the threat of losing that is terrifying.
She may redouble her efforts to stay young, which can translate into multiple plastic surgeries, dieting, and dressing like a younger woman.
14 “My narcissistic mother hates my husband (and friends)”
Narcissists often want to exert enormous influence over their children, even when those children grow up to be adults.
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Their child marrying someone else and starting a family with their children creates a fear of their own worthlessness, which cuts off a form of narcissistic supply.
This manifests itself in criticizing every relationship and finding problems with any serious partner you have.
15 “My narcissistic mother only calls me when she wants something”
Narcissistic parents may only reach out to their adult children when it serves them best.
Of course, when the roles are reversed, and you need their support, they are nowhere to be found or are only available if it meets their needs.
When they do reach out, it is often because they are in some kind of crisis or need a lot of attention.
16 “My mother has no friends”
If your narcissistic mother doesn’t have any friends, it is because narcissistic people tend to struggle with Their friendships.
Family members often feel obligated to stay in touch, but friends are more likely to come and go.
If your mother has long-term friends, the relationships are likely to be superficial and shallow.
She may also consciously choose empathetic people or other overly caring friends who can enable her narcissistic traits.
17 “My mother sees me as an extension of her!”
It’s normal for parents to sometimes disagree with the way their children live their lives or feel disappointed by some of the choices they make.
But a narcissistic parent takes this to another level. Your mother may condemn anything you do that falls outside of her ideal.
Because she always believes her way is the right way, she can’t imagine why anyone else would do anything differently.
18 “My narcissistic mother turns everything into a lecture”
Many narcissists love the opportunity to talk about themselves or their life values.
Even when they’re not asked for it, they enjoy giving advice or telling others what to do.
So, if you turn to her for emotional support, there’s a good chance she’ll turn it into a long lecture that leaves no room for your opinion or needs.
19 “My narcissistic mother ignores boundaries”
Narcissists don’t understand the need for boundaries. Often, they see those boundaries as a personal attack.
As a result, children of narcissists struggle to set boundaries (because they’ve never been trained to set healthy boundaries).
Or when they do set boundaries, their mothers react with anger, denial, or complete disregard.
20 “My mother’s moods change so quickly”
Ask yourself, “Why is my mom so sweet one moment and mean the next?”
If your mom was a narcissist, you grew up never knowing what kind of mood your mom would be in.
One moment, she might seem happy and loving. But the next, she might be sad, moody, or frustrated.
Some of the triggers that triggered her were constant, but at other times, they seemed random and sudden.
As an adult, you still struggle to track her moods or know what she needs at any given moment.
