You’ve discovered that your mother is a narcissist. Maybe you’ve known this for years, or maybe you’ve just started putting the pieces together.

Either way, you have a fitting label for all the chaos your mother has added to your life. As a narcissist, she puts her own needs before others, and she seems to have no problem manipulating others to get what she wants.

It’s no surprise that her childish behavior can leave you feeling extremely frustrated, sad, and even confused.

At times, you may find yourself yearning nostalgically for the mother you never had. You may also wonder if it’s possible to maintain a healthy relationship in the future.

Related : What is Narcissistic Projection? (With Examples)

Is it possible to avoid communicating with your narcissistic mother? This approach aims to keep your mother in your life without her trampling on your needs and boundaries.

Although it’s a balancing act, it can bring you a sense of clarity and peace. Let’s see if this approach works for you.

What Does It Mean to Avoid Communication With Your Narcissistic Mother?

Depending on who you ask, low communication has different meanings. It essentially reduces physical or emotional contact with your mother by maintaining strong boundaries.

A successful low-communication approach involves establishing a relationship that meets your needs — rather than just hers.

Only you can decide what low-communication really means to you. Some common examples of boundaries in a low-communication relationship include:

Choosing to see your mother only on specific occasions.
Avoiding discussions about specific, sensitive topics.
Restricting your mother from coming to your home.
Avoiding excessive phone calls, texts, or emails.
Spending time with your mother only if other people are present.
Ending the conversation if your mother starts to become hostile or unreasonable.

Boundaries are the foundation of a low-communication relationship. These boundaries refer to your emotional, physical, and financial limits.

When dealing with a narcissistic mother, your boundaries are essential. Without them, you’re likely to feel bombarded, disrespected, and resentful.

Making the decision to socially distance yourself requires you to be conscious and careful in your decision-making.

For example, if you’re used to giving in to your mother’s demands to please her, it may seem impossible to change this cycle.

When Should You Consider Trying Reduced Contact?

Sometimes, it’s not practical (or even desirable) to avoid all contact with your mother. For example, you may live with her.

Or you may have a close-knit family, and a no-contact approach could strain or disrupt the cherished relationships you share with others.

Additionally, you may simply want to have a relationship with your mother. Even if you know it won’t feel like a typical parent-child dynamic, there’s nothing wrong with wanting your mother in your life.

Finally, some people hope to cut off contact with their mothers — at some point. Reducing contact with your narcissistic mother is a bit of a trial run.

You can see how you feel when you reduce your contact and closeness to determine whether you want to continue moving forward with your decision.

It may be worth considering reducing contact with your narcissistic mother if:

You continue to feel disrespected by your mother.

Your relationship with your mother is negatively impacting other relationships in your life.

Your mother uses sensitive information you share with her against you.
You feel suffocated or overwhelmed by your mother.
You feel a constant sense of fear and anxiety about your mother.
You continue to endure emotional abuse.

Avoid Communication with Your Narcissistic Mother If You Live in the Same House

If dealing with a narcissistic mother is difficult, living with her can be a nightmare. If you live with your mother, consider the following tips.

Think About the Information You Want to Stop Sharing

If you choose an avoidance approach, you may need to make a list of off-limits topics. Off-limits topics may include things that are highly sensitive, controversial, or emotionally charged.

Having these guidelines in place serves several benefits. First, it reduces the chances of you getting frustrated or overreacting to your mother.

Second, it doesn’t give her too much “power” over you. She can’t use what she doesn’t know.

You may also want to keep a working list of safe topics in mind. These topics could include current events, the weather, upcoming travel plans, etc. Choose topics that don’t trigger intense emotions in you.

There’s no need to share these lists with your mother. Narcissists believe they are entitled to whatever information they deem necessary.

She won’t understand why you would think of withholding anything from her.

Instead, if she brings up a taboo topic, stay firm and tell her that I’m not talking about that topic right now.

Schedule and prioritize your alone time

Busy up. Tell others that you’re spending time alone and that you won’t tolerate any disturbances. If possible, try to leave the house as much as possible.

Your mom will probably try to distract you. She may feel guilty if you suddenly reduce your contact with her.

In a calm, non-reactive voice, keep reminding her that you’re busy.

Stop challenging her

Narcissists thrive on drama, attention, and chaos. They love a good argument. They love to piss people off and see what happens. You’ve probably spent most of your life in a power struggle.

Unfortunately, the dynamic is rigged. Your mom set the rules of the game, and she knows how to win.

It’s your job to stop participating and step away from the game altogether.

Instead of arguing or defending yourself, consider acting bored or indifferent when she starts trying to disagree with you.

Ironically, you can also ignore her and tell her she’s right. At first, this strategy may annoy you because you’re letting her “win.”

Related : 12 Toxic Signs of a Narcissistic Grandmother (and how to deal with her)

However, narcissists love to brag about their successes more than the success itself. If you remain completely unresponsive to her reaction, you will actually be victorious.

SeekSupport

If you live with your mother, you need loved ones who can validate and confirm your feelings.

It is not uncommon for a narcissist’s manipulation to make you question your reality or sanity. If you have lived with your mother your entire life, these effects may be magnified even more.

Connect with safe people, but be careful about sharing your feelings with people who might reveal your thoughts to your mother. Consider seeking therapy for unbiased support and guidance.