On the surface, narcissists may appear to be universally happy. After all, they appear to be completely self-assured.
They seem to have no remorse when they manipulate others or distort reality. Their self-esteem is extremely high… or is it?
But are narcissists happy? Do they love themselves and the life they live? Or is it all just a hideous facade?
As it turns out, the relationship between narcissism and happiness is incredibly complex. While they undoubtedly feel joy, their fragile self-esteem often leaves them feeling empty and depressed.
Additionally, their inflated self-importance complex makes it difficult to enjoy the things that generally make others happy.
AreNarcissistsHappier Than “RegularPeople?”
Do narcissists have the upper hand when it comes to experiencing happiness? Do they get all the pleasure without any of the pain? Is their life easier than anyone else’s?
These are all complex questions that don’t have straightforward answers. While more studies are looking into the impact of narcissism on mental health, there’s still a lot we don’t know.
Because narcissists naturally downplay, lie, and ignore information, even the best research can be skewed.
They May Be Less Depressed
Some preliminary research suggests that people with narcissistic personality disorder may have lower rates of depression than others.
For example, in a recent interview with CNBC , researcher Costas Papageorgiou shared that narcissists fundamentally believe they deserve the best in life.
Because of this belief, they often work extremely hard to overcome adversity. Overcoming such obstacles can build mental strength, which may offset depression and low self-esteem.
It can also build self-esteem, a factor closely linked to happiness.
However, this research doesn’t inherently suggest that narcissists are happier than other people. Rather, they may simply have higher levels of self-esteem and self-worth.
But They May Be More Insecure
By contrast, another recent study suggests that insecurity fuels narcissistic behavior.
This research suggests that narcissists use various “bragging behaviors” (bragging, manipulation, ignoring others, and bragging) to compensate for their deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.
Narcissism, in a sense, is a complete defense mechanism. At a fundamental level, they know their behavior is destructive.
They may be fully aware of their narcissistic patterns. But they feel compelled to continue seeking attention, which reinforces why they continue to do so.
5 Reasons Why Narcissists Are Happy With Themselves
Can a narcissist be happy despite their selfish or conniving behavior? Do they truly love themselves, or is it just a cover-up?
5 Reasons Why Narcissists Are Happy With Themselves:
They Don’t Feel Empathy
They Tend to Go for What They Want
They Prioritize Their Narcissistic Supply
They Don’t Need Anyone’s Validation
They Protect Themselves from Pain
1 They Don’t Feel Drained by Empathy
It’s a common misconception that narcissists don’t feel any empathy for others. Many do.
They can care about other people and things. However, their own needs are usually more important than anything (or anyone) else.
Empathy is on their terms, and it’s a relatively limited resource. In some ways, their empathy only extends to their emotional limits.
Empathy is not a choice. Many people who describe themselves as empaths report feeling overwhelmed by how much they listen and give to others.
Even people who don’t consider themselves empaths often feel overwhelmed or anxious after intense interactions with others.
But empathy doesn’t work that way for narcissists. They may feel sorry for someone else, and they may certainly feel sad, angry, or afraid, but empathy tends to be more cognitive than emotional.
Often, they “tune in” to what they think others need rather than responding honestly and naturally.
This explains why narcissists can come across as good listeners. They may seem to care deeply about the well-being of others. They may seem to pay close attention to everything you say.
Related : How Do Narcissists Treat Old Supply?
In reality? They may be listening because they are gathering information about you, your life, and your vulnerabilities. They are likely to use these details to their advantage later.
2 They Tend to Go After What They Want
Have you ever seen a narcissist apply for a job they were completely unsuited for just because? Or have you ever watched a narcissist ruthlessly pursue a certain talent without any prior experience?
When narcissists set their minds to achieving something, they don’t let backlash or fear get in the way. Instead, they go after what they want, and they can be ruthless in their pursuits.
This mindset can potentially lead to some happiness. Research shows that taking risks on a regular basis is good for your mental health. It can help your self-esteem and boost your confidence.
3 They Always Prioritize Their Narcissistic Supply
Have you ever noticed how a narcissist always has someone or something to validate them? This phenomenon isn’t random—it’s highly prioritized and intentional.
Narcissists rely on their narcissistic supply for self-esteem and confidence. While this supply doesn’t provide an authentic form of happiness, it can make them feel complete (temporarily).
Supply can be anything that makes them feel valid, approved, and important.
This supply can come from relationships, money, jobs, and status. In many contexts, even negative attention can feed their supply because it keeps the focus on them.
The more “full” their supply feels, the happier they are. The cost, of course, is high. Since supply can ebb and flow, they often feel a constant pressure to maintain their goods at all costs.
4 They Don’t Need Anyone Else’s Approval
How often do you care what other people think? If you’re like most people, you want approval. You may doubt yourself or avoid taking risks because you’re worried about what others might think.
Many people avoid living a meaningful, authentic life because they fear the consequences of potential rejection. This is part of human psychology—we value a sense of belonging and want to fit in with others.
It’s no secret that narcissists don’t generally operate on the same fear. They do what they want—they usually want approval, but it’s not a requirement.
If something is important to them, they don’t let anything get in the way. In fact, they often do things to upset others. Attention is often more important than approval, so if they get attention for something, it keeps them motivated.
5 They Always Protect Themselves From Pain
Narcissists don’t allow others to hurt them. Instead, they engage in narcissistic abuse to protect themselves. While these harmful tactics undoubtedly hurt others, they don’t really impact their own well-being.
Narcissists don’t have a concept of sitting down or tolerating their feelings. They attack them or run away from them altogether.
When trouble first arises, a narcissist may resort to manipulating, blaming, discrediting, or cutting off contact with others altogether.
They don’t necessarily try to solve the problem. They don’t engage in self-reflection or compromise. Instead, they protect themselves and their ego—in a superficial and childish way, this strategy can protect their own happiness.
7 Reasons Why Narcissists Are Unhappy With Themselves
So, are narcissists unhappy? Does their version of happiness always come at the cost of hiding their feelings, hurting others, and playing other mind games?
As you can see, it’s hard to measure true happiness when it comes to narcissism.
Even if they appear to be happy, their feelings are likely completely distorted. They’re also likely lying to themselves and others. Here are some reasons why narcissists are so unhappy.
7 Reasons Narcissists Are Unhappy With Themselves:
They Can’t Be Vulnerable With Others
They Can’t Be Happy For Others
They Struggle With Jealousy
They Can’t Ever Let Their Guard Down
They Have Unresolved Trauma
They Never Feel Like They’re Good Enough
They Struggle With Other Mental Health Issues
1 They Can’t Be Vulnerable With Others
Vulnerability is the glue that holds together intimate feelings. When we’re vulnerable with someone else, we remove our defense mechanisms and allow the other person to truly see us.
Narcissists struggle with vulnerability terribly. It terrifies them. They often see it as a sign of weakness, and they tend to avoid it at all costs.
Instead, they entangle themselves with their false selves. They may sometimes appear vulnerable, but this is often calculated and programmed.
They know what to do and say to make others feel valued. Additionally, they understand how “pretending” to be vulnerable often elicits sympathy.
However, narcissists often feel extremely lonely. They don’t know how to connect with others.
They don’t know how to be authentic and flawed people. Because of this, they spend their lives in the land of pretense, hoping that no one else will see the truth.
2 They can’t be happy for others
If your loved ones have good news, how do you feel? Happy people can usually celebrate the successes and joys of others. And even if they feel a little jealous, they can separate this feeling from other positive emotions.
Narcissists, on the other hand, tend to get angry at someone else’s good luck. Because they often feel entitled, someone else’s success triggers tremendous anger and envy.
This explains why narcissists often try to sabotage others. For example, if you get a big promotion at work, they may suddenly start talking badly about your boss or complain that you still don’t make enough money.
Or they may turn the situation upside down and talk about how they don’t feel appreciated in their career.
In short? They don’t know how to be happy for others because they can’t be happy with themselves.
3 They’re Extremely Jealous
It may seem ironic that such a high ego would coincide with such uncontrollable jealousy. But that is, in many ways, the essence of narcissism.
As mentioned, narcissists feel an immense sense of entitlement. They believe the world owes them everything they want. When things don’t go their way, they can’t understand why. Suddenly everything feels completely unfair.
Jealousy is the backbone of narcissism. They will be jealous of everything—someone else’s success, their relationship, their home, the way someone else talks to them. They will be jealous of the people they love, and they will be jealous of the people they hate.
Narcissists want everything, especially things that are completely unattainable. As a result, they often feel miserable and trapped inside themselves.
So, they can’t be very happy because they’re always comparing themselves to others. If they feel like they haven’t achieved what they want, they feel angry and ashamed. They often have to put others down in order to feel better about themselves.
4 They Can’t Let Their Guard Down
As you’ve probably noticed, narcissists can’t enjoy real relationships with others.
They have to constantly evaluate the situation and try to get their needs met. Likewise, they tend to be suspicious and doubtful of other people’s motives.
As a result, they’re always testing other people’s loyalty. You’ve probably noticed this in your own relationship. Narcissists want constant reassurance.
Related : What Does a Narcissist Want in a Relationship?
They may accuse you of doing things you’d never think of doing. And while they may not be committed to you, they expect the utmost compliance and respect from you.
All this mental energy is exhausting. They can’t sit back and relax. They can’t accept that others may disappoint them sometimes. So, they feel tormented by their own mental gymnastics.
5 They Have Unresolved Trauma
Research has shown that trauma is a major risk factor for personality disorders, including narcissism. Trauma can impact every area of a person’s functioning and significantly impair their development.
Childhood trauma, in particular, can be particularly devastating. Many narcissists grow up in situations where physical or emotional abuse is prevalent. Additionally, many suffer from neglect and a persistent sense of inability to be loved.
Narcissists often don’t recognize the impact of their past trauma. For example, they may idealize their childhood.
Or they may identify that “bad things happened,” but they don’t acknowledge it beyond this basic feeling.
Unresolved trauma can lead to deep feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Because this is the core conflict that most narcissists face, it’s reasonable to assume that happiness is more than just an illusion.
6 They Never Feel Good Enough
Narcissists measure their worth by their external accomplishments. A new car, a great job, a huge net worth, a child’s perfect performance report card, or a number on the scale. Checking off these accomplishments makes them feel confident and happy.
Of course, we all love feeling successful, but narcissists rely on it to feel complete. That’s why they never seem to “stop.” They’re always on a mission to get more, do more, or feel more. It’s never enough because they’re never enough.
So, while they may feel happy, it’s always a product of what they’ve earned. It’s never internal or intrinsic.
7 They Have Other Mental Health Issues
Most narcissists also have other mental health conditions. For example, they may experience anxiety or depression. There’s also a high rate of eating disorders and substance abuse disorders.
Narcissism can exacerbate other psychological symptoms. At the same time, these other symptoms often make narcissism worse. It can be a vicious cycle for the narcissist and their loved ones.
However, most narcissists will not seek help for their emotional well-being. They often refuse therapy or medication because they are skeptical of professional support.
Furthermore, they will not open up about their struggles because they do not want others to judge them negatively.
As a result, they have to work harder to maintain the image they have of themselves. Even if they feel like everything is falling apart, they are not necessarily willing to do anything about it.
Are narcissists happy in a relationship?
I think my partner is a narcissist. No matter what I do, he is not good enough. They always have to point out something wrong or belittle me.
But there is no real accountability for their mistakes. They are always right! Am I the problem?
Because I am starting to think that the problem may be with me. I love my partner, but are narcissists happy in a relationship? And can a narcissist be a good person?
If this scenario sounds eerily familiar, you probably know the immediate effects of being in love with a narcissist. The relationship can feel chaotic, stressful, and emotionally draining.
Narcissists can certainly be happy in relationships, but that happiness tends to be circumstantial and short-lived. As such, their happiness is also conditional—specific needs must be met in order for the narcissist to feel satisfied.
They Always Want Things Done Their Way
Narcissists value power and control above all else. They tend to be happiest in relationships with submissive people who follow their orders.
In other words, as long as you do what they say and respond appropriately every time, they should be happy. Easy enough, right?
Even when they seem to value your individual values and ideas, they will discard them as soon as you compromise their desires.
As such, the relationship is never entirely equal. They can’t respect your autonomy because it would infringe on their needs.
They’re Never Enough
A narcissist wants the best of the best at all times. Even if their standards are completely unrealistic, they won’t settle until they reach them. So, they’re always chasing the next best thing.
Many narcissists start their relationships by love bombing their partners. They meet someone, and that person seems perfect.
For a while, it seems like all their problems will be solved. That’s why they put other people on temporary pedestals. They’re amazed that someone else could fit their needs so perfectly!
But eventually, they start to realize that the other person has flaws. And those flaws, no matter how minor, seem enormous and unacceptable. It all feels like a slap in the face. As a result, narcissists start dumping their partners.
This progression can happen quickly. One day, everything may seem like magic. The next, you may feel like your partner hates you!
Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong. Narcissists don’t know how to accept people as they are.
They want things to go on their terms. If a person can’t get all of their needs met wholeheartedly, they often feel disrespected and even confused.
They Can’t Resolve Conflict Effectively
Narcissists may seem like they love to argue, but they don’t know how to actually manage conflict. When something goes wrong in a relationship, it’s always the other person’s fault. There’s no personal responsibility.
Happy couples realize that some conflict is inevitable. They aim to compromise with each other and respect each other during difficult times.
But the narcissist wants power more than communication. He doesn’t want to sacrifice his needs for someone else’s.
They also don’t really know how to regulate their emotions when they’re upset—instead, they usually yell, criticize, blame, or withdraw from the conversation altogether.
So, the same problems often keep coming back. You may always feel like you’re walking on eggshells. The narcissist may always feel like you’re intentionally trying to hurt him. This rigidity makes it hard for anyone to feel happy.
They Can’t Handle Negative Feedback
What happened the last time you suggested the narcissist do something different?
Did they become downright hostile? Did they accuse you of overreacting or being difficult? Did they lie about what happened to make themselves look better?
It’s possible that the situation didn’t go well. Narcissists can’t handle anything resembling criticism.
They often attack even the most benign requests. Anything that threatens their ego—no matter how small—leaves them feeling emotionally paralyzed.
Of course, the dynamic seems completely unfair. Although they can’t handle constructive advice, they have no problem constantly criticizing others.
They’re always afraid of abandonment
Why don’t narcissists stay loyal to their partners? Why do they sometimes come across as callous and distant in their relationships?
As strange as it may seem, most narcissists are terrified of abandonment. That’s why they struggle with vulnerability and refuse to let their guard down. They don’t want people to see them for who they really are and reject them.
Narcissism is a grandiose facade. Their superiority keeps them at a safe distance from others.
But this distance leads to them feeling constantly alone. Even if they want to connect with others, they don’t really know how to do it.
They fear abandonment, yet they constantly engage in harmful actions that make others want to abandon them.
It’s a vicious cycle. They will blame others for hurting or leaving them without realizing how their behaviors are triggering this response.
