How does dating a narcissist change you? Dating a narcissist changes you primarily in two ways.

The first change is negative. You may feel emotionally drained, confused, and insecure. You may feel deeply traumatized and afraid to trust anyone again. Some people remain stuck in this phase for months or years. In severe cases, the consequences can last a lifetime.

The second change, however, is more positive. After dating a narcissist (and healing from the inevitable narcissistic abuse), you may feel more empowered. You may become better at recognizing red flags and identifying key signs of abuse. You may learn how to prioritize your values, say no, and stand your ground in relationships.

Your relationship with a narcissist will change the trajectory of your life. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating for just a few months or have been seriously committed for several years.

But regardless of your individual circumstances, you’re not completely doomed! Even if you have a narcissistic partner, cultivating insight, setting boundaries, and honoring your inherent need for self-esteem can make you a stronger person.

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

Is My Boyfriend a Narcissist? Do I Need to Be Concerned About This New Relationship? Things are looking good, but there are also some red flags. So what do I need to know?

Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

Moves Fast
Promises You Too Much
Cheats on You
Can’t Handle Feedback
Get Jealous
Lacks Empathy

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is often unlike any other relationship. At first, this difference can seem downright blissful. You may feel like you’ve stumbled upon the best person in the world.

They seem to listen to you intently! They shower you with compliments every chance they get! They buy you sweet treats and tell you how special you are!

You may feel overwhelmed, especially if you’ve had a history of troubled relationships in the past. You may have fleeting fears that things are getting too intense, but you also want to suppress this negativity. After all, it’s good to feel wanted.

Here are some key signs that you’re dating a narcissistic man or woman:

1 They Move Fast

Narcissists cling to people who make them feel special and fulfilled. At the same time, they’re used to feeling abandoned. As a result, they tend to distrust others, and they often become paranoid that people will hurt them.

Moving fast is their attempt to “avoid” the possibility of abandonment or rejection. They want to secure what they want. Once they set their sights on something, they do what it takes to make sure it’s theirs.

2 They Promise You the World

Narcissists have grandiose ideas about their future. They feel they’re inherently entitled to whatever they want. As a result, they often project these visions onto their partners at first.

As a result, they may make outlandish claims about wanting to buy you a fancy car or house — even if they don’t have any money. They may talk a lot about a promotion that’s about to happen — even if they’ve just started a new position.

Finally, they often use your desires against you. For example, if they know you desperately want a baby, they’ll promise you they’re ready to start trying after you threaten to end the relationship.

3 They cheat on you

You may swear they said they’d do the laundry that morning. You get home, and it’s not done. You ask them about it. Their response? I never said that. You know I was in meetings all morning. Why didn’t you take care of it?

Sometimes, you may feel certain they’re lying. But other times, you may feel uncertain or confused. Were you imagining things? Did I misunderstand?

Narcissists rely on constant manipulation to confuse their loved ones and maintain a sense of power. This manipulation often starts slowly, but it can build up over time.

As a result, you feel insecure. You never know what mood your partner will be in, and you often feel like you’re playing a giant guessing game to meet their needs.

4 They Can’t Take Feedback

Narcissists love to ask questions and criticize everyone. But when it comes to incorporating the notes themselves? Forget it. Any slight negative gesture often leads to serious narcissistic rage.

Although they appear overly confident, their egos are extremely fragile. As a result, they feel paralyzed by their feelings of inadequacy. When others notice their inadequacy, it can lead to dramatic reactions, such as manipulating or shaming them.

5 They’re Extremely Jealous

Narcissism can be a confusing paradox. After all, why would a self-confident person be jealous of everyone else?

Because narcissists are unhappy with themselves, they can’t experience the true happiness of others. Instead, they value others for what they can offer them. As a result, other people also become a source of competition (even if the narcissist isn’t consciously aware of it).

As a result, narcissists are often the most jealous of the people they claim to love the most. This explains why they belittle other people’s successes and even sabotage their efforts.

6 They Lack Genuine Empathy

Narcissists struggle with empathy. Because they value their own needs above all else, they have a hard time connecting with others.

They may appear to show some empathy at times, but it’s often calculated and perceptive. For example, it may seem like they’re reading from a script and just telling you what you want to hear.

However, most of the time, empathy is severely lacking. They don’t necessarily feel compassion for others, especially if someone else’s situation conflicts with their own.

How Does Dating a Narcissist Change You?

What do narcissists do to their partners? How does their emotional abuse affect people? Can a romantic relationship last—or is it doomed from the start?

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can send your emotions into overdrive. What once seemed like a normal or seemingly stable relationship quickly turns chaotic. You may notice major changes in your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Personality disorders affect every part of a person’s life. Narcissistic personality disorder, in particular, can have long-lasting, damaging effects on loved ones.

They feel their self-importance as their top priority, and their manipulative tactics can wear down even the most confident partner.

How Dating a Narcissist Changes You in a Bad Way

Narcissists can come across as friendly, innocent, and charming. Many people only realize their malicious ways when it’s too late.

When you’re in the early stages of dating, it’s easy to dismiss their bizarre behavior as cute or protective whims. But a narcissistic relationship pattern can profoundly impact your well-being. Here’s how.

1 You May Feel Like You Have No Identity

Narcissists want to control their partners to meet their needs and values. Over time, the inevitable fight is often not worth it. You may give in to their crazy demands to avoid conflict.

As a result, you may feel somewhat empty after the relationship ends. You may be so used to doubting yourself or ignoring your own needs that you don’t even know what you really want.

When you struggle with your identity, you may have trouble:

Making decisions.
Setting healthy boundaries.
Setting goals.
Your self-esteem.

2 You’re defending or enabling abuse

It’s a painful truth, but staying with a narcissist means you’re inherently tolerating some abuse. You’re also likely enabling the narcissist to mistreat other people or situations.

Of course, it’s unfair to blame yourself entirely. You’re not responsible for someone else’s actions. But partners often find themselves defending, praising, or justifying narcissistic behavior.

They don’t want to admit that their loved one is wrong. Likewise, they don’t want to see the truth for what it is.

3 You’re afraid of all conflict

Because narcissists handle conflict so poorly, their partners often learn to block out, lie about, or justify their feelings in order to keep the family together. Even if they’re not cooperating, these strategies often seem easier than dealing with the fallout from their anger.

As a result, all forms of conflict can terrify you. You may be overly passive or passive-aggressive in other relationships. Or you may become overly hostile and demanding as a way to regain control of your life.

In either case, conflict feels unsafe. And if you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t know how to manage conflict appropriately, you may be sabotaging the dynamic without your knowledge.

4 You’re Dating Other Narcissists

Unfortunately, it’s easy to repeat history when it comes to relationship patterns. We often date what feels familiar to us. If you’ve been with a narcissistic partner in the past, you may be more likely to date another narcissist.

This pattern is often completely unconscious. However, it’s common in cycles of domestic violence. Research shows that such abuse can be passed down through generations.

So, if you had a narcissistic parent, you may find yourself in a similarly narcissistic relationship with an adult partner.

5 You Have Trust Issues

Narcissists tend to be very inconsistent and unreliable. You never know if you’re catching them in a good or bad mood. You should carefully evaluate each situation and act with caution before making a controversial move.

That’s why many people experience trust issues after dating a narcissist. You may question the belief that any relationship can be happy or healthy.

You may dismiss all men or women as bad. Furthermore, you may assume that no matter what happens, you will be hurt again.

6 You feel paranoid about them coming back

Many narcissists do not leave their partners easily. Even after a breakup, they may use various techniques to lure you back into their mess.

Of course, these strategies can undermine your sense of security. They may, for example, threaten to destroy your reputation. They may talk badly about you to their friends or family.

In some cases, they will come back—as if they were a completely different person—to convince you that they have changed for the better. If this happens, you may find yourself wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt, which often leads to more pain.

6 You hate yourself

This is one of the most damaging effects of dating a narcissist. Narcissists tend to emotionally destroy their partners. They criticize, blame, and attack others in order to feel better about themselves.

As a result, you may feel extremely insecure and ashamed. You may take what the narcissist says at face value and assume that all of these horrible things are true.

Even after the relationship ends, you may struggle with negative thoughts about yourself.

7 You constantly ask yourself

Should I have ended the relationship? Was I wrong? Am I just being insensitive or cruel? He went through a lot of trauma—should I have been more compassionate or understanding? Maybe I just made everything worse.

Narcissistic manipulation can make your loved ones question their motives for months or years after the abuse ends. Effective manipulation works—it makes you doubt yourself and your decisions. It makes you question almost everything you say or do.

So, whether you’re still in the relationship or it’s long since ended, you may still be struggling with this effect. You may feel like you can’t trust yourself to make the right decisions or that the narcissist was right all along.

How Dating a Narcissist Changes You in a Good Way

Narcissistic relationships are confusing and emotionally draining. You may not even realize how draining you are until you’re no longer together. But even if the bad parts are prominent, dating a narcissist can also change you in positive ways. Here’s how.

1 Learn Self-Respect

Ending a relationship with a narcissist is no easy feat. It often requires intense dedication and overcoming immense fear about what will happen next. Narcissists can be quite unpredictable, and partners must manage their own uncertainty throughout the process.

As a result, you gain a sense of self-respect. You’ve realized that you deserve better. You’ve also made a conscious decision to live a healthier lifestyle. This takes courage and confidence. Even if you felt like you lacked these traits before, you have more of them now.

2 You realize how important boundaries are

Maintaining boundaries is everything when it comes to managing narcissism. But boundaries are also important in all relationships. You need to know your boundaries and communicate them to others. If you don’t, constantly crossing the line can leave you feeling resentful, misunderstood, or disrespected.

Ideally, dating a narcissist teaches you the importance of boundaries. You can take this lesson with you into all subsequent relationships. Your needs matter, and honoring those needs is essential to your emotional well-being.

3 You learn how to deal with grief

Many people experience profound grief as a result of narcissistic relationships. The grief can happen while you’re still together. At some point, you realize that your partner isn’t changing—and so, you have to come to terms with their toxic behavior and broken promises.

Afterward, you’re often left with a complicated pile of grief stages. You may find yourself denying what happened, negotiating different outcomes, or feeling intense anger about the situation. You often cycle through these states until you reach a point of acceptance.

4 Find New Support

Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t easy. It can sometimes take a “village” to help you feel better.

But as you grow and evolve from your relationship, you learn how to ask people for help. You realize the benefits of asking for support. Additionally, you allow yourself to open up to people in different ways. Practicing this kind of vulnerability is important for maintaining your safety.

5 You’ll Be More Careful in Future Relationships

Sometimes trust issues can have positive effects. For example, if you always let people in without thinking about it, you probably won’t have that mindset after dating a narcissist. Instead, you’ll be more cautious and disciplined.

This calm attitude has its benefits. You’re more likely to read people better and have a stronger intuition for red flags in a relationship. Even if it takes time to move on, you may be more likely to have a healthier relationship afterward.

How Does a Narcissist Make You Feel in a Relationship?

Narcissists typically make partners feel a volatile mix of sadness, anger, shame, guilt, and confusion. Depending on your circumstances, you may also feel fearful or trapped.

You may feel sad about:

The circumstances that likely contributed to their narcissism.

Losing your sense of self in the relationship.

Giving up on who you want your partner to be.

You may feel angry about:

How they treat you or others.

Their denial of their behavior.

Their inability to grow or work on themselves.

You may feel ashamed about:

How others may view your relationship.

Staying in the relationship despite knowing it’s abusive and unhealthy.

Believing you don’t deserve better.

You may feel guilty about:

Thinking about ending the relationship.

The possibility that there’s no one else who loves or cares about your partner as much as you do.

Enabling your partner to hurt others.

You may feel confused about:

Whether you’re overreacting to your partner’s behavior.

Whether your partner is truly capable of changing.

Whether or not you want to stay in the relationship.

You may fear:

Revenge or retaliation if the relationship ends.

Your partner will physically hurt you or others.

How your reputation might suffer if the relationship ends.

You may feel trapped because:

Your partner has isolated you from others.

Your partner has financial control over all of your money.

Your partner has threatened to fight for custody of the children.

What do narcissists do to their partners?

Narcissists can switch between love bombing and abandoning their partners, and these changes often fluctuate depending on their moods and needs. Partners often feel confused and angry about these behavioral differences.

However, at the same time, they often feel fascinated by the narcissist’s intelligence or charm.

Narcissists are skilled manipulators. They rely on distorting reality to meet their needs, even if that distortion leads to harming or exploiting others.

Isolation and isolation

Many narcissists want to keep their partners under strict control. They try to avoid outside influence. Anything that might make you think differently is often seen as a threat.

Isolation and isolation efforts can be direct. For example, they may actively try to sabotage your relationships with friends or family. Or they may demand that you quit your job because they make enough money.

However, often, their efforts are more covert. For example, instead of directly sabotaging your relationships, they may complain about your mother’s lack of respect for your independence or boundaries, making you question your relationship with her.

Or they may insist that you deserve better compensation, leading you to consider leaving the job you truly love.

LoveBomb

At the beginning of a narcissistic relationship, you may feel charmed by your partner. They may shower you with compliments, pamper you with lavish gifts, and make you feel like the most special person in the world.

That’s because, from their perspective, you’re perfect. You’re the projected fantasy of everything they need. It’s delightful—for them and for you. Until it’s over.

But narcissists will still rely on love bombs during times of conflict or stress. They already know how to make you feel loved. And so, they’ll rely on the same tactics to lure you back into their trap—especially when they feel like you’ve figured them out.

Devaluation/Disposal

Most people feel somewhat enchanted during the initial stages of attraction. We experience all the seductive love hormones – research shows that the body releases large amounts of dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, and oxytocin during this stage.

Eventually, life returns to normal. We realize that our partners aren’t perfect, and we learn to accept them for who they are. Even if the relationship isn’t exactly exciting, there’s a sense of mutual comfort and safety.

But narcissists approach this process very differently. They also realize that their ideal partners aren’t perfect. But instead of accepting this as a standard part of growing together, they often feel cheated or confused. They can’t understand why things have changed for them. They feel angry, upset, and confused.

At this point, narcissists enter the devaluation or elimination phase. This is why it can seem like your partner starts “hating” you out of nowhere. They literally can’t regulate their feelings about the relationship. They want to feel happy with you again, and they can’t accept that you can’t meet all of their needs.

UseThemToSupplyThem

Narcissists use their partners to feed their existing narcissistic supply. They rely on their loved ones for validation, control, and power. Because their egos are so fragile, they need other people to make them feel complete.

Unfortunately, you can never give enough. You are only human, after all. So narcissists have to grapple with knowing that others are imperfect while also expecting them to be perfect (this same dilemma applies to themselves). This is why they become so angry and volatile—they literally project their insecurities onto you!

At the same time, narcissists have enormous fears of abandonment, rejection, and loneliness. This is why the prospect of leaving you elicits such an intense reaction. It’s also why they often promise everything from marriage to couples therapy to please their partners—at least until they know that a sense of inner balance has been restored.

Vacuum_Broom

Even if they end the relationship, many narcissists stick around and exploit their victims for months or years. They can’t seem to let things go.

They will try to test your boundaries or recruit other people to “get information” about what you’re doing in life. They may also try to interfere with your other relationships and activities.

Finally, they may pretend like the relationship never ended. For example, the narcissist may show up at your house with flowers and a simple apology, as if that’s enough to get you through the process.

Can You Be in a Healthy Relationship with a Narcissist?

In general, no, most people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder don’t realize they have this condition. Even those who are insightful don’t necessarily have the motivation to change the way they react or think. Their personality, in a sense, helps them survive.

For them, the ideal relationship exists on their terms. You do what they want. You conform to their needs and expectations. In most cases, you read their mind accurately and are in tune with their feelings without them even having to ask!

Of course, we’re supposed to assume that a healthy relationship is absolutely impossible. People can and do change. And if your partner is dedicated to growth, healing is possible if they show a genuine interest in professional therapy, support groups, and self-reflection.

However, it’s crucial that you maintain realistic expectations. You don’t have to put up with abuse. You don’t have to wait for things to get better. Healthy relationships are built on safety, trust, and respect—if your partner can’t meet these basic needs, it’s time to reevaluate your motivations for staying together.