If you haven’t noticed already, the narcissistic relationship pattern is unlike any typical relationship.

Narcissists are self-absorbed, selfish, and primarily focused on their own needs and happiness. This mindset overrides everything they do, often leading to destructive relationships with others.

Partners often feel overwhelmed, confused, and frustrated by this toxic behavior. If you’re feeling stuck and don’t know what to do next, this guide is for you.

Some types of narcissists are straightforward. They’re exaggerated and dramatic in their personas. Everyone knows them as arrogant or conceited.

For example, a malignant narcissist often displays antisocial behavior because they come across as incredibly entitled and cold toward others. They seem to lack empathy and blame others when things go wrong.

But not all narcissism is so straightforward. Like all personality disorders, narcissism falls on a spectrum, and there are many subtypes associated with the condition.

Related : Can A Narcissist Be Faithful In A Relationship?

However, here are some universal signs that you may be in a narcissistic relationship.

One moment, the narcissist is showering you with admiration and praise, telling you how special you are.

He’s completely obsessed with you, and it makes him happy. But the next moment, he’s mad at you. You’re disgusting to him, and it’s like you’re the worst person he’s ever met.

Narcissism is often characterized by conflicting moods and irrational behavior.

So, a narcissistic relationship is constantly chaotic. Even when things seem “fine,” they’re still waiting for something devastating to happen.

Narcissists thrive on being the center of attention, and this is true whether their narcissism is fragile or overt.

They can’t stand having someone else in the spotlight—and that goes for their partners or their children. They’ll do whatever it takes to get the attention they so desperately want.

Narcissists will often lie or stretch the truth to make it fit their reality. For example, let’s say you casually remind them that you have a hair appointment later that day.

They angrily respond that this is the first time they’ve heard of it. But you’re convinced that you discussed it the night before.

Now you’re confused. Did you really tell them? Are they manipulating you? Did they just forget?

This pattern persists in relationships with narcissists. Unfortunately, chronic manipulation can cause long-term damage to partners.

In the future, you may find it difficult to trust others. You may assume that all intimate partners have manipulative or controlling tendencies. What’s more, you may find yourself drawn to narcissists over and over again.

At first, you may be surprised at how attuned the narcissist is to your needs and feelings. This is part of the narcissist’s charm, and it can be devastating to partners as they progress in their relationship.

When a narcissist seems to read you well, it’s usually a sign that they’re engaging in narcissistic mirroring.

Mirroring means that they’re paying close attention to your needs, preferences, and values. They then try to match their personality to yours.

For example, if you want to go to Japan, that’s next on their bucket list! If you’re struggling with depression, so are they!

Narcissists use mirroring to store information to use on you later. Let’s say, for example, that you’ve talked about your struggles with depression.

At first, they seem sympathetic and supportive, and they even share their own struggles with mental health.

But months later, they accuse you of not taking care of yourself, and tell your family that you’re always depressed and sad all the time.

Narcissistic behavior is often embarrassing. To compensate, you may feel like you have to constantly apologize or make excuses on their behalf.

You may even feel responsible for their actions as if they’re mirroring you.

Because narcissists are so unpredictable, you may fear your narcissistic spouse or partner. The fear can be intense (you’re worried they’ll hurt you physically).

But it can also be more subtle (you’re worried you’ll upset them and have to deal with their mood swings).

This fear can mirror any response to another trauma. Narcissistic abuse can trigger symptoms of PTSD, and people often find that healing from such abuse can be a long and complicated road.

Sometimes, the narcissist appears content and pleasant. They get along with you and try to be a caring partner. But other times, they’re selfish and malicious.

The bottom line here is that you never know what might set them off. Anything can trigger their narcissistic rage, making you feel like you need to constantly walk on eggshells.

Narcissists crave power and control to feel validated. As a result, they will aim to control every area of ​​your relationship, including your appearance, values, finances, work, and parenting style.

Keep in mind that controlling tactics can start slowly. You may not notice them until you realize that you’re questioning your ability to make independent decisions.

Related : Why Do Narcissists Ignore You?

Sex with a narcissist is often messy and inconsistent. Sometimes, they seem to enjoy making love, kissing, and cuddling with you. But other times, it can feel like a purely businesslike transaction, like you’re just a body they’re using for pleasure.

This is because narcissists don’t value intimacy the same way most people do. It’s not about building bonds or providing a sense of security.

All intimacy is centered around meeting their own needs for love, security, and attention. If you continue to provide these needs, they’re likely to keep coming back.

It’s no secret that narcissists have complex relationships with their children. Often, they tend to pigeonhole their children into overly simplistic categories.

For example, the golden child seems perfect and stands on a huge pedestal to raise the narcissist’s self-esteem. On the other hand, the scapegoat in the family can’t do anything right. In other words, the narcissist uses his or her children as pawns to maintain his or her self-esteem.

Unfortunately, the children of narcissists and their daughters are equally susceptible to the damaging effects of such toxic parenting styles.

Narcissism and narcissistic traits can run in families. This is true of both narcissistic parents and narcissistic grandparents.

Adult children of narcissists often grow up feeling neglected, inferior, and angry. Sometimes, the combination of these traits leads to the development of a more empathetic personality. Other times, it can turn into another branch of narcissism.

Dealing with narcissism in the family is not easy, which is why it can be especially stressful at family events. If you’re dealing with narcissistic siblings or relatives, it can feel like you’re being attacked from all angles.

The narcissistic relationship cycle tends to follow some predictable stages. We’ll review the typical stages below.

Love Bombing Stage

The love bombing stage (also known as idealization) of narcissism can be the most exciting.

At this stage, everything seems rosy because you’re both seemingly falling in love with each other.

Some classic signs of love bombing include:

Excessive flattery and declarations of love

Feeling completely addicted to you

Making bold promises of long-term commitment too soon

Being extremely clingy (they don’t want to spend even a moment apart from you)

Telling you frequently that you’re soulmates (often known as a false twin flame) or that no one else can understand them the way you do

Love bombing doesn’t just happen in intimate relationships. Sometimes, when narcissists feel threatened in friendships, they will try to “fix” the problem by bombarding the other person with affection.

Devaluation Stage

When you’re attracted to someone and feel completely connected to them, the narcissist seems to turn the relationship upside down. He no longer seems happy in the relationship. He makes sarcastic comments here and there.

Devaluation often starts so slowly that you don’t even notice it happening. But the longer you commit to the relationship, the “safer” he feels about revealing his true colors.

During the devaluation stage, narcissists are more likely to cheat on their partners, withdraw completely, or escalate their controlling tendencies. They have trouble being faithful in general.

Suddenly, an onslaught of emotional abuse, manipulation, and anger ensues. It’s confusing and scary, leaving you wondering what happened to your perfect relationship.

TheDisposalStage

The disposal stage is incredibly painful. This is when the narcissist decides he’s done with the relationship. The narcissist may leave you first—or he may act so horribly that you have no choice but to leave him.

Partners often experience intense anger, sadness, and confusion during this time. Like a child who no longer wants to play with their beloved toy, you may feel like you’ve been thrown in the trash.

Why does this happen? Because when the narcissist is done with you, they no longer feel like they can use you to fulfill their narcissistic supply. They need to find it somewhere else—often in someone else.

How do you actually deal with a narcissist? If you identify as an empath, how do you protect yourself while respecting your needs for connection or love? And what happens when a narcissist won’t leave you alone or respect your boundaries?

Here are some important tips to keep in mind.

If you think you have a narcissistic boyfriend or girlfriend, educating yourself about narcissism is crucial.

You’re dealing with a difficult dynamic. If you intend to continue the relationship, you need to understand what to expect.

Eventually, you’ll see how they put their own needs before everyone else’s. You’ll see how they oscillate between extreme anger and a desire for excessive attention.

Most of all, you will understand their intense need for special attention, even when they seem to be grossly downplaying or lying about it.

As a partner, it’s helpful to identify your role in the relationship.

For example, are you encouraging their problematic behavior? Do you keep making excuses for them because you feel guilty or embarrassed? Do you keep holding out on the promise that they will change their ways?

Related : Do Narcissists Like Spending Time Alone?

Remember, being “part” of a dynamic doesn’t make you guilty, weak, or bad. However, it’s a good idea to acknowledge how your actions continue to make you feel stagnant or miserable.

As you learn more about narcissism, you’ll recognize problematic behavior in a variety of situations.

You’ll decode narcissism in their casual conversations, text messages, and even in the way they respond to you crying.

It’s important to begin labeling these tactics as you observe them. Labeling doesn’t mean you need to take immediate action. It simply means that you’re identifying when a narcissist is manipulating you.

In general, boundaries are hard. But boundaries with a narcissist can often seem impossible.

This is because narcissists naturally don’t respect other people’s boundaries, especially when those boundaries affect their self-esteem or happiness.

They tend to get emotional when their ego feels threatened (which happens any time they feel remorse).

However, boundaries protect your safety. You have every right to draw lines between you and the narcissist.

The most important thing is to follow through with those lines every time.

If the narcissist continues to hurt you (or keeps coming back even after you’ve ended things), you need outside support. You shouldn’t have to go through this painful experience alone.

Consider reaching out to trusted friends or family who have no real connections to the narcissist. It may be helpful to see a professional therapist if you don’t feel these are safe options.

You’re not alone if you’re reading all this and feeling discouraged. At this point, you may be asking yourself whether change is possible—or if it’s just a pipe dream.

First, it’s important to remember that personality disorders are common and chronic.

They’re serious mental illnesses, and researchers don’t know the exact causes of how they develop. Narcissistic personality disorder is no different.

Related : How to Ignore a Narcissist The Right Way?

While we’re supposed to assume that narcissists can’t change, sustainable change is rare.

Most narcissists resist admitting their problems, reaching out to others, or even thinking about how they could do things differently. These barriers make personal growth difficult!

Rather than focusing on how and when they might change, the real question is: Are you willing to continue to stay the way they are? Because there’s a good chance that nothing will get better. And if that’s the case, how will you feel?

If you want to know how to get out of a narcissistic relationship, the first step is to really commit to your reasons for leaving. You need to be firm about your desires because a narcissist hates rejection and will probably do everything in their power to keep you with them.

If you’re ready to end your relationship with a narcissist, you may be worried about how they’ll react. This is a valid fear! If the relationship was stressful, ending it can be just as stressful.