Narcissists can intentionally or unintentionally deceive therapists, as they are accustomed to hiding their feelings and putting up a facade to impress others.

They can appear as a victim to gain sympathy from therapists. They may also downplay or lie about how they treat others.

In family or couples therapy, people often notice that a narcissist acts very differently when talking to a therapist than they do at home.

Even when narcissists have insight into their behavioral issues and want help, they struggle greatly with vulnerability and accepting feedback.

Each of these barriers can make therapy a huge challenge.

In this article, I will explore whether narcissists can deceive therapists, the behaviors they typically display in therapy,

the challenges narcissists face in therapy, why they might deceive therapists, and the effectiveness of therapy in treating narcissism.

How do narcissists act in therapy?

The misconception that narcissistic patients do not attend therapy sessions is a misconception. Many have received mental health support throughout their lives.

In addition, I see many narcissistic patients seek treatment on their own. However, treatment may not always directly address narcissism.

Here’s what narcissists often do in therapy:

1 Focus on other issues

Narcissism is a co-morbidity with many other conditions, including depression, anxiety, substance abuse disorders, and eating disorders.

Narcissists may enter therapy because they recognize that they need support for those other issues.

They may also make significant progress in treating those symptoms even if they don’t address their narcissistic behavior.

However, narcissistic traits tend to affect all areas of functioning. As a result, relapse rates tend to be high.

Even if a narcissist achieves sustained recovery with one issue, they may “move on” to other conditions. I’ve seen this happen many times and in many situations.

2 Blame Others

Narcissists may spend a lot of time in therapy blaming other people for their behavior.

Since the therapist is only hearing one side of the story, they may not fully understand what’s going on.

This can lead the therapist to unknowingly believe the narcissist’s version of the story as the absolute truth.

Because many narcissists have a complex history of trauma, it can be easy to assume that the narcissist is simply a victim of their past.

Related : How To Make a Narcissist Jealous?

Narcissists may spend years in therapy talking about their past hurts, but progress will feel stalled or nonexistent.

3 Seducing/Impressing the Therapist

Many narcissists selectively filter what they reveal in therapy. For example, they may only highlight their successes or talk about what they are doing well in terms of working on a particular issue.

But the opposite can also be true. Sometimes, narcissists appear to have a hard time gaining more empathy and validation from their therapist.

When this is the case, they may use their therapist as a narcissistic resource.

4 Faking/Lying

It’s no secret that most narcissists are expert storytellers. To gain validation, they often tell stories to evoke certain emotions, whether excitement, fear, disgust, anger, or sadness.

Narcissistic clients may have transference (transferring feelings and reactions about another person to their therapist), which leads them to recreate certain patterns with their therapists.

For example, if a therapist reminds a narcissist of their uninvolved parent, they may often brag about themselves, hoping to win their therapist’s approval.

Why Do Narcissists Fool Therapists?

Narcissists may not intentionally fool therapists, but personality disorders are chronic and persistent in nature. When narcissists enter therapy,

Here are some explanations for why narcissists deceive therapists:

1 They want to be seen positively

At their core, narcissists are deeply afraid of rejection. They try to impress or manipulate others to meet their needs in order to avoid rejection.

This can even happen in therapy, especially because therapists are trained to be nonjudgmental and see the good in the clients they treat.

2 They have malignant tendencies

Malignant narcissists intentionally and actively hurt others, often through extreme emotional manipulation or even violence.

These clients may come across as extremely hostile or aggressive during their therapy sessions.

If a malignant narcissist is assigned to therapy (or given an ultimatum by someone), they may deceive their therapist because they have no real motivation to work on themselves.

They want to get others off their backs.

3 They don’t even realize they’re lying

Narcissists often lie so much that they don’t even realize their behavior when it’s happening.

Lying is a way to cope with stress and communicate with others. This pattern naturally emerges during therapy.

Narcissistic clients will tell exaggerated stories or make up outright lies to fool their therapists.

4 They want to outsmart and manipulate their therapists

Some narcissistic clients trick or manipulate their therapists because they get a thrill from being smarter than others, especially when that other person is considered an expert.

This may be more common among cerebral narcissists, who are often highly analytical and intellectual. They often come across in therapy as an active attempt to prove the therapist wrong.

A good therapist can sense this pattern when it’s happening. But some therapists may feel threatened by the behavior, causing them to withdraw emotionally from the work and the relationship.

Is Therapy Effective for Narcissism?

Yes, but it depends.

Narcissistic personality disorder is complex, and therapists are not always aware of its existence.

If a narcissistic client comes to therapy with many other issues, they may take precedence over narcissism.

This is especially true if the issues are crisis-oriented, such as suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, or domestic violence.

Related : What Happens When a Narcissist Sees You Are Looking Good?

However, trauma-informed therapists tend to recognize the role of narcissism as a survival mechanism. They may be better equipped to detect and work through narcissism with their clients.

Long-term therapy tends to be more effective than short-term work when it comes to personality disorders.

Building safety and trust with a therapist can take a long time. Narcissists often spend most of their lives “covering” themselves, and removing that real mask can take months (or even years) in therapy.

How Can You Tell If a Narcissist Is Deceiving or Manipulating Their Therapist?

You can’t always tell if a therapist has “deceived.” The truth is that therapy is a complex profession, and all therapists are different when it comes to understanding and treating people.

For example, some therapists may recognize narcissism, but they don’t immediately point it out because they want to build a good relationship with their clients.

They realize that confronting the problem head-on can alienate someone. Instead, they wait until they feel safe to gently highlight the problematic patterns they’ve noticed.

Other therapists may suspect narcissism, but narcissistic traits overlap with many different conditions, including other personality disorders, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, and even depression.

Likewise, having narcissistic traits doesn’t necessarily mean someone has NPD.

Finally, dropping out of therapy early is also a real problem among narcissists.

Many narcissists will drop out of therapy once they feel like their therapist is “against them.”

This can happen after a single comment or nonverbal gesture. It can also happen if the narcissist finds the therapist “unintelligent” or “unhelpful.”

When this is the case, the narcissist doesn’t even have a chance to deceive his or her therapist because he or she has given up on the process.

How do psychologists work with narcissists in therapy?

Psychologists use different strategies to help narcissistic clients. Here are some common strategies they use:

Building trust: Psychologists create a safe and welcoming space for therapy. This helps narcissistic clients feel comfortable and willing to participate.

Setting boundaries: Psychologists set clear rules for therapy sessions. This helps narcissistic individuals understand their boundaries and act appropriately.

Challenging distorted thinking: Narcissists often have distorted ideas about themselves and others. Psychologists work to correct these distorted ideas and encourage more realistic thinking.

Empathy and self-reflection: Psychologists encourage narcissistic clients to consider the feelings of others and reflect on their actions. This helps them grow and understand how their behavior affects those around them.

Addressing underlying issues: Narcissism can stem from past hurts or insecurities. Psychologists help clients explore these underlying issues and past traumas.

Coping skills: Psychologists teach narcissistic individuals healthy ways to deal with their emotions and communicate. This includes anger management techniques, improving empathy, and regulating emotions.

Collaborating with other professionals: Psychologists may work with psychiatrists or family therapists to provide a comprehensive approach to treating narcissism.

Treatment outcomes can vary depending on how willing a person is to share and understand their behavior.