In a world increasingly influenced by social media, our appearance plays a significant role in how we present ourselves to others.
But what happens when a narcissist catches a glimpse of your confidence and stunning appearance?
Get ready for a rollercoaster ride of emotions and manipulative tactics that unfold when a narcissist sees you looking good.
Narcissists have distinct personality traits that shape their interactions with others. Their response to someone else looking good or expressing positive emotions is often multi-layered and influenced by their own narcissistic tendencies.
This article explores the complex dynamics of a narcissist’s response to your improved appearance.
From jealousy and envy to attempts to steal your spotlight or launch smear campaigns, narcissists have a unique way of responding to your happiness and confidence.
By exploring the narcissistic mindset, this article seeks to empower you to manage your relationships with greater clarity and less risk.
12 Things That Happen When a Narcissist Sees You Looking Good
1 They Try to Take Credit
If you’re dating a narcissist and you look great in a new outfit and are smiling ear to ear because of the promotion you just got, the narcissist will try to take credit for it.
Instead of complimenting you on your appearance, they’ll try to get everyone’s attention back to them.
They might say, “Doesn’t she look great in the outfit you picked out for her?” or “She finally listened to my advice, and look how happy she is now.”
A narcissist isn’t necessarily doing this to put you down or undermine you simply because that’s how they see life. As far as they’re concerned, anything positive happens because of them and their inherent superiority.
Furthermore, a narcissist craves attention and will do whatever it takes to secure it, even if it means stealing it from someone else.
2 They Envy You
Narcissists need to be the best, the prettiest, and the most successful all the time.
When you look good, you threaten that fragile self-image, and you awaken the green-eyed monster. Your success is the narcissist’s failure, and they will want the attention you get because you look good.
Don’t forget that narcissists live in a fantasy world where they are the center of attention.
Someone else’s beauty, wealth, happiness, or success undermines these fantasies and reminds the narcissist of their own shortcomings.
They see you displaying something they feel they lack, so they envy you and want to claim it for themselves.
3 They Feel Insecure
When narcissists see you happy, they immediately feel a loss of control.
They don’t want you to be happy unless it’s thanks to them. If you’re happy because you got a compliment at work or because your boyfriend just got engaged, they’ll feel rejected because you’re not focusing on them.
The only time a narcissist feels comfortable seeing you happy is when it benefits them. If it’s not, they feel threatened because it means they no longer have control over your emotions.
Your happiness and positive state also highlights their feelings of inadequacy, causing them to question their worth and reinforce their insecurities.
4 They Spread Rumors About You
When your narcissistic ex sees that you’re happy, they’ll try to undermine that by making you miserable.
To do this, they’ll spread rumors about you, telling your friends that you cheated on them or that you had plastic surgery and that’s why you look so good.
They’ll post negative comments on social media, making you look like a narcissist or saying that you’ve edited your photos to look better.
A narcissist wants to be the most attractive and the happiest, so they’ll do whatever it takes to drop you a notch or two to get that back in the polls.
5 They Try to Outdo You
A narcissist needs to be better, no matter how good-looking, successful, or happy you are. They’ll open a business if you just got a new job. If you got a new outfit, they’ll replace their entire wardrobe.
A narcissist’s sense of entitlement means they always think they deserve better than you, so they need two for every compliment they get.
Let’s say you post a particularly attractive selfie on social media. The narcissist will respond by posting a better one, often choosing an odd location for the photo so that it gets more likes than you.
6 They Downplay Your Accomplishments
Not only will narcissists engage in competition when they see you looking good, they will also try to downplay your accomplishments.
They might make nasty comments about your profile picture, such as, “Nice photo, but we all know it’s just another desperate attempt to get attention,” or “Trying to hide your insecurities with a little Photoshop, maybe?”
Narcissists can’t stand to see someone else getting positive attention because they firmly believe that all of it should be given to them.
7 They Make a Move
Narcissists will be drawn to your positive energy and success, not because they want to share it with you, but because they want to take it away from you.
If they see you looking happy, they will want to destroy that positivity to make you emotionally dependent on them.
Narcissists are drawn to confident, attractive people who possess characteristics that affirm their sense of importance and boost their self-esteem.
If you’re happy, successful, and look good, you’ll suddenly become attractive to narcissists—even if they previously rejected you.
Now you look your best and enjoy the attention. You’re presenting a whole new challenge to narcissists.
Your frustration will now be more satisfying and impressive than it was after they convinced you that you weren’t worthy of love.
8 They Try to Steal the Spotlight
While researching this article, I came across an article about narcissistic status seeking.
In it, the authors note that narcissists either engage in self-promotion or competition, depending on the social context and the benefits they can gain from the situation.
When a narcissistic ex sees you happy, they will use both techniques to steal the spotlight from you.
For example, if you just got a new haircut and posted a photo of it on social media.
They’ll post a photo of themselves wearing a new pair of shoes, along with a caption like, “We all know who the real trendsetter is.”
This combines self-promotion with a derogatory comment and helps position the narcissist above yours.
9 They Try to Share the Spotlight
If their attempt to steal the spotlight doesn’t work, the narcissist will try to find a way to share your spotlight.
This can come in the form of an indirect compliment like, “No wonder she looks so good because she had me to inspire her,” or “I helped her discover her inner beauty, and now the whole world can appreciate what I saw all along.”
In other words, the narcissist will manipulate the situation so that they can share your spotlight.
Unfortunately, this won’t be enough for them. “Extreme narcissists live in a pattern of jealousy and a refusal to even accept someone else’s flourishing,” says clinical and forensic neuropsychologist Judy Ho.
They’ll feel annoyed that they need to share the spotlight with you and will look for a way to knock you down a notch or two.
10 They Undermine Your Status
Narcissists believe they are superior to everyone else and therefore deserving of attention and praise.
If you are getting attention because you look good, they should try to take it away from you, undermining your accomplishments.
We’ve already touched on this, but narcissists will go far beyond a few nasty comments to get what they feel they deserve.
When a narcissist sees that you look good, they will begin trying to destroy your image and reputation. This behavior can take many forms, but it often involves them calling mutual friends and spreading malicious stories about you.
Rumor-mongering and smear campaigns can quickly undermine your credibility and even your sanity.
They may say, “She thinks she looks good in her new photo, but anyone can see that it’s just a desperate cry for attention.
Now you can understand why I had to break up with her—I couldn’t give her the attention and validation she needed to make up for her lack of self-confidence.”
This is fairly mild for a narcissist, and some will go to more extreme lengths to undermine you, including accusing you of doing drugs, cheating, acting crazy, or neglecting your children.
11 They Try to Make You Jealous
If a narcissistic ex sees that you look good, they will become jealous of the attention you are getting and will retaliate by trying to make you feel the same way. This allows them to regain control of the situation and take the spotlight away from you.
If you look good and are enjoying life after the breakup, you make the narcissist feel insecure, which he hates. He will use any tools he has to retaliate for this discomfort, including making you jealous.
The narcissist will brag about his happiness, posting pictures of an exotic vacation or making a fuss about a recent work accomplishment, saying something like, “I just received another prestigious award for my outstanding contributions to this field! Grateful for my unstoppable drive and unwavering commitment to success.”
Alternatively, he may start dating someone new and post comments designed to make you jealous. You might say things like:
“I can’t help but share the amazing connection I’ve found in my amazing new relationship. My partner is everything I’ve ever dreamed of — beautiful, successful, and completely devoted to me — something I’ve never experienced before.”
“I feel so grateful to have finally found my soulmate. We are inseparable, creating a love story that others can only dream of.”
12 They Pick a Fight
When you look good, the narcissist wants to undermine this newfound self-confidence so he can reassert his dominance and regain control.
He might say something particularly controversial like, “Who do you think you are, pretending to be something special?
Your appearance may have changed, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re still the same worthless person on the inside.”
These degrading comments are designed to provoke a reaction from you while giving their self-esteem a much-needed boost.
They’re trying to remind you of their perceived power over you so they can continue to control and manipulate you.
How do narcissists feel when you’re happy and feeling good?
Understanding what goes through a narcissist’s mind when they see you looking good can help us better understand why they react the way they do.
Narcissists will only be happy to see you looking good if it benefits them in some way or makes them look good.
In any other scenario, they see your happiness as a potential threat. Their inflated ego means they believe you should be happy only because of them, not because of something you’ve done for yourself.
Your happiness means they’re losing control of your emotions and will try to diminish your value, which is something they need to do to prove themselves.
Imagine the poor narcissist whose ex looks great – suddenly they see a different reality, where They no longer have control over your emotions and risk becoming overbearing.
They are jealous of your happiness, offended by your ability to be happy without them, and threatened by the attention you receive.Why Look Attractive Again to a Narcissist?
To a narcissist, appearance is everything, and if you look good, they will want a cut of the action.
The narcissist will be drawn back to you because your new image means you can improve their image and boost their social standing. They are not drawn to you – they like what you can do for them.
By looking good, you have re-established yourself as a desirable source of narcissistic supply.
You have elevated yourself from being devalued and ignored and become something the narcissist can begin to idealize again.
Maintaining control over you at this stage will be a challenge because your self-confidence is high, but this makes the game more exciting and the ultimate victory more satisfying.
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