A good game may bring joy and excitement, but the games narcissists play reveal a darker side of play—one that brings little benefit to anyone but the narcissist themselves.
Unlike the fair play and companionship found in healthy relationships, narcissists take a calculated “playing with love” approach that allows them to enjoy the rewards of a relationship—such as intimacy, status, and admiration—while keeping their options open for other potential partners.
With their fingers on the bell, they use mind games to maintain control and keep their targets submissive and optimistic while setting up the next target to eventually eliminate them.
They use these games as part of a carefully crafted strategy that entangles their victims in a toxic cycle of manipulation and emotional turmoil.
Why do narcissists play mind games?
Narcissists play mind games to gain power, control, and validation. They use them to keep their targets on edge and sow confusion so that the target never knows what to believe.
These manipulative tactics are rooted in their deep need for admiration, a sense of superiority, and a desire to maintain their inflated self-image.
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Narcissistic mind games are designed to assert dominance over their targets and manipulate their emotions.
They also help reinforce the narcissist’s belief in their superiority and elicit reactions from others, thus providing the narcissist with the attention they so desperately crave.
Those who are forced to play the narcissist’s games rely on the narcissist to validate themselves and their self-esteem, putting the narcissist in a position of power.
Narcissists also use these games to keep others at a distance. In this way, they can avoid a genuine emotional connection that might reveal their inner weakness and low self-esteem.
These manipulative tactics allow them to maintain a facade of superiority and exploit others for their own gain.
7 Mind Games Narcissists Play to Control You
From emotional manipulation to love bombing, narcissists skillfully use mind games to protect their superiority and dominance. Understanding these games is the first step toward breaking free from their influence.
1 Breakup Games
If you’ve ever tried to break up with or dump a narcissist, you’ll realize how complicated it is and how many hurdles you have to jump through to escape the relationship.
Narcissists use breakup games to keep their victims addicted, maintain control, and avoid rejection.
Some of the narcissistic breakup games include the silent treatment, vacuuming, emotional manipulation, and love bombing. Narcissists use these mind games to confuse, bully, and guilt their victims into changing their minds.
Narcissists rely on constant attention and admiration, so they can’t stand being alone.
They always need someone to validate what they say, and if that someone is you, they won’t let you go without first messing with your mind.
One typical narcissistic breakup game is the “vacuuming” technique. Vacuuming refers to the narcissist’s attempt to lure their ex back into a relationship after a breakup.
This typically involves a bit of love bombing (another common narcissistic mind game), pretending to have a future, and false apologies.
It’s essential for individuals who have gone through a narcissistic breakup to be aware of these manipulative tactics.
Learning about vacuuming and other breakup games allows one to set healthy boundaries, prioritize their well-being, and avoid falling back into a toxic relationship.
2 Texting Games
Whether it’s texting or sexting, narcissists want to be in complete control, and they have a natural way with words that often enables them to do just that.
They will bombard you with messages, ignore you for the rest of the day, send you long, loving confessions, and then suddenly switch to one-word answers when you respond.
This type of conflicting texting confuses their victims and puts them in a submissive position where they can’t help but respond and interact.
For example, a narcissist might text you a message that says, “I love you so much!”
Then a few seconds later, another one says,
“What are you doing now? I need you!”
If you text back with an equally loving message, they’ll suddenly respond, saying,
“Now is not the time! I’m at work!!! I can’t do this with you right now.”
This type of conflicting texting leaves the victim in a constant state of confusion. You may also notice that the narcissist throws in a bit of manipulation.
By making it seem like the recipient is the one who’s at fault for responding affectionately, they’re dismissing the recipient’s response and suggesting that the recipient is inconsiderate or clingy.
3 Mind Games on Social Media
How a narcissist plays with you on social media depends on where you are in your relationship. Early on, during the love bombing phase, the narcissist will use their social media posts to impress you and idealize you and your relationship.
Related : The Narcissist and Intimacy (Avoidance)
In the early days, you’ll likely see posts like, “I feel so grateful to have found the most amazing person in the world! From the moment we met, I knew you were the one for me.”
Over time, as the narcissist begins to look for a new source, you’ll notice the focus shift to the narcissist and their accomplishments, with boastful self-promotional posts like,
“Despite the people who tried to hold me back, I always managed to succeed and exceed expectations. I feel sorry for those who don’t have my positive energy and mindset.”
This is the narcissist displaying their passive-aggressive side, subtly mocking you while trumpeting their own accomplishments.
Other games narcissists play on social media include repeatedly liking or commenting on someone else’s posts.
This will usually be someone they are romantically interested in and are planning to replace you with, or they may use this game as a form of triangulation—a tactic to create jealousy and insecurity within you.
By lavishing attention on another person publicly, they want you to feel threatened and insecure about your place in their life, giving them a sense of power and control.
They enjoy monitoring your emotional reaction, and it feeds their ego knowing that they can tease Such responses from you.
A narcissist’s social media mind games can include almost any other game they enjoy playing, including ping pong, the narcissist’s hot and cold game, and blocking, which is one of their favorite games!
4 The Blocking Game
Narcissists are always playing the blocking game, using it to exert control and power over people.
When a narcissist engages in the blocking game, they intentionally block or unblock someone repeatedly to play with their emotions and provoke a reaction.
Here’s how to play the narcissistic blocking game:
First, gain control by love-bombing your partner until they submit, then start playing with their sense of security by suddenly ignoring them or blocking them on social media or messaging apps without any explanation or warning.
Wait for a reaction. Ideally, your target should feel hurt, confused, and anxious about why they blocked you. You’re now in a position of power. Your target feels vulnerable, which boosts your ego and makes you feel invincible.
After a few days, unblock the person and pretend you had no idea why it happened. Now rinse and repeat.
By engaging in the blocking game, the narcissist maintains dominance over the person’s emotional state, leaving them unbalanced and emotionally invested in the relationship.
This manipulation tactic reinforces the narcissist’s sense of power and control, making it difficult for the victim to break free from the toxic cycle.
5 Money Games
Narcissists often engage in money games to manipulate and control others. These tactics can be subtle and deceptive, with the goal of exploiting their targets’ financial vulnerabilities.
For example, they may control their partner’s or family’s finances, controlling access to money and using it as leverage.
Related : 5 Things to Never Do After Breaking Up with a Narcissist
Some narcissists may borrow money from others and then claim to have repaid it, using their charm and manipulation to convince lenders of their honesty.
Do narcissists play dumb? They do this when they refuse to take responsibility for an unpaid debt!
A narcissist may play dumb or pretend not to remember anything about a loan if it means they can avoid paying it back and still be in a position to ask you for more.
Narcissists may suddenly splurge on an expensive purchase, claiming it will benefit you, when in reality it is to boost their own status and make themselves feel better.
They may spend so much that they rack up significant debt that they then use to guilt you into compliance or to justify withholding other resources, claiming they need to pay off the debt first.
Furthermore, the narcissist may use debt as a means of manipulation, making you question your financial judgment.
They may dismiss your concerns about their extravagant spending, shifting the blame onto you for not appreciating their “generosity” or “sacrifices” on your behalf.
This tactic boosts their self-importance and undermines your self-confidence, leaving you vulnerable to further manipulation.
6 The Waiting Game
The narcissistic waiting game is a subtle technique for exerting control and power over the target’s emotions and behaviors. They intentionally delay responses, delay arrivals, and leave promises unfulfilled.
At every opportunity, they keep their target waiting, instilling a sense of anxiety and uncertainty.
This approach also keeps the target focused on the narcissist, anxiously awaiting their next move and trying to understand the reasons for the delay.
The longer the target waits, the more pleasure it brings to the narcissist, who is now confident that it is their power that makes the target willing to endure uncertainty and emotional turmoil to gain their approval or attention.
In a romantic relationship, the narcissist may use the waiting game to establish dominance and manipulate their partner’s emotions.
They may withhold affection or attention as a form of punishment, creating a dynamic where their partner is constantly seeking their approval.
The waiting game is one of narcissists’ most powerful tactics for maintaining control and dominance over their targets.
It exploits the target’s desire for approval and validation while creating a power imbalance in the relationship.
7 Cat and Mouse Game
The type of cat and mouse game that narcissists play involves alternating between pursuing the target (playing the “cat”) and withdrawing or distancing themselves (playing the “mouse”).
During the love bombing phase, the narcissist pursues you, showering you with love, attention, and affection.
When they move into the devaluation phase, the narcissist suddenly switches roles. Now that they have your trust and emotional investment, they run away, becoming distant, critical, or emotionally unavailable.
After they withdraw, they will return, where they begin to lure you back into their lives with renewed interest, apologies, and promises of change.
Related : 12 Examples Of Narcissist Gaslighting in Relationships
Then they switch again, using a third person to create a sense of competition and jealousy.
This triangular game is part of the cat and mouse manipulation technique, which narcissists frequently use to create an addictive loop for the target, where they feel uncertain about their position and are constantly seeking validation and approval.
What Happens When You Play These Narcissistic Games?
There is very little advice I can give you on how to play mind games with a narcissist.
The best advice I can give you is to not engage at all and instead focus on setting healthy boundaries, prioritizing your well-being, and seeking support from trusted friends and family.
You will never beat a narcissist at their own game, and trying to play with a narcissist can only lead to more emotional distress and perpetuate the cycle of manipulation, leaving you exhausted and distressed.
Instead of playing by their rules, withdraw from the game entirely. Distance yourself emotionally and focus on your own emotions and needs.
