Narcissists are damaged individuals who are forced into a cyclical life where they are either on top of the world or in a state of depression.

There is no middle ground for a narcissist, and the negative aspects are so intense and unpleasant that they will do everything in their power to avoid them, including manipulating you.

Narcissists use manipulation to manipulate their victims and make themselves look and feel better.

They use various manipulation techniques to achieve their goal – to get you to believe their version of events instead of yours.

Manipulation tactics such as denial, confrontation, withdrawal, and projection vary, but their purpose is the same – to make you doubt your reality and question your state of mind.

10 Manipulation Tactics Narcissists Use to Manipulate You

1 Denial

Denial is one of narcissists’ favorite manipulation tactics. A narcissist casts doubt on your perception of reality by denying events, statements, or actions.

Instead of accepting the truth, they create an alternate version of events that fits their desired narrative.

Imagine that you asked your narcissistic partner to bring you a replacement shoe because you broke your heel on the way to work. When you see them, they are without shoes and deny that they asked you to bring them.

“How could I forget something I was never asked to do?” they demand.

Instead of admitting their mistake, they vehemently deny the event, leaving you confused and uncertain about your own memory.

Related : Do Narcissists Know What They Are Doing?

The tactic of misleading denial is insidious because it undermines your confidence and replaces it with self-doubt. Over time, this can lead to a loss of identity and an overwhelming dependence on the narcissist.

2 Denial

By dismissing your feelings or reactions as exaggerated or invalid, the narcissist makes you question the validity of your feelings and fear that you are overreacting.

The narcissist uses this tactic to distort reality and erode your self-esteem by minimizing or invalidating your emotional responses, leaving you confused and doubting yourself.

Let’s say you tell your narcissist that you felt uncomfortable when he flirted with someone else at a party. Instead of acknowledging that his behavior caused you distress, he minimizes your feelings, telling you that you’re overreacting.

This calculated rejection undermines the validity of your feelings and reactions, creating an atmosphere where the narcissist’s perspective is elevated above all else.

When you internalize this pattern of rejection, you question the validity of your feelings and reactions. Over time, you may hesitate to express yourself or even question the validity of your emotional experiences.

3 Changing the Subject

Narcissists use this tactic to avoid taking responsibility and divert attention from their mistakes.

This calculated maneuver involves the narcissist quickly shifting the focus of the conversation away from their actions, avoiding accountability and leaving you feeling confused.

Imagine that you confront your partner about why they’ve been out late at night recently. Instead of acknowledging and explaining the behavior, they start talking about your recent work schedule and how busy you’ve been, suggesting that you’re the one to blame.

In this scenario, the narcissist’s strategy is twofold. First, they avoid the uncomfortable topic by making you feel like your concerns are misplaced or exaggerated.

Second, they insinuate that your actions somehow prompted their behavior, making you question your perspective and perhaps even question the validity of your feelings.

This calculated manipulation is intended to leave you feeling off-balance and frustrated with pursuing the original topic of conversation.

4 Minimizing the Matter

You tell your narcissistic partner that you feel betrayed after they spent the entire evening talking to their coworker instead of you. Instead of seeing things from your perspective, he attacks you and accuses you of blowing things out of proportion.

He says, “We had some things we needed to discuss, and I thought you were mature enough to handle them.” This response invalidates your feelings and experiences, making you question the validity of your feelings and wondering if you’re “overreacting.”

For more examples of emotional manipulation like this, read my article 12 Examples of Emotional Manipulation by Narcissists in Relationships .

By belittling your feelings, the narcissist minimizes the impact of his behavior on you and casts doubt on the validity of your emotional response.

5 Confrontation

When using this manipulation tactic, the narcissist will question your version of events or even attempt to rewrite history.

A narcissist using this tactic may insist that certain events never happened, that conversations didn’t go the way you remember, or that your memory is unreliable.

For example, if you confront a narcissist about a promise they made and he or she denies keeping, they are trying to cast doubt on your memory.

This tactic is particularly effective because memories are personal and subjective, making them vulnerable to manipulation.

By making you question your memory, the narcissist gains control over the narrative, creating confusion and self-doubt.

To counteract this manipulation tactic, it is essential that you trust your memory and seek external validation whenever possible.

6 Blocking

Narcissists intentionally withhold information, communication, or emotional support to create confusion, anxiety, and dependence.

By controlling access to critical elements of the relationship, the narcissist gains power and maintains the upper hand.

Narcissists use withholding in a variety of ways. For example, they may intentionally avoid answering questions, ignore messages, or provide vague answers to create a sense of uncertainty.

They may also withhold affection, praise, or emotional validation as a form of punishment.

The narcissist’s intermittent positive reinforcement—alternating between offering and withholding attention or affection—creates a cycle of emotional highs and lows that keeps you constantly seeking their approval.

Related : What Happens When a Narcissist Tries to Hoover You and You Don’t Respond

By manipulating your emotional needs, the narcissist reinforces the belief that your worth and happiness depend on the narcissist’s actions.

Your self-esteem will plummet as you continue to seek the narcissist’s validation, increasing your emotional dependence on them.

7 Blocking/Divergence

When narcissists use blocking or diversion, they strategically redirect conversations and topics, reassigning blame to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or to confuse you.

Imagine confronting a narcissist about their constant lateness. Instead of acknowledging their poor time management, they quickly change the subject and start pointing the finger at you, claiming that you are overly controlling or obsessively punctual.

This diversionary tactic diverts attention from their behavior while subtly shifting the blame onto you.

As a result, you feel invalidated and frustrated, wondering if your concerns are legitimate or if you are really just being too demanding.

This manipulation can lead to a distorted reality where the narcissist’s actions are downplayed and your feelings are marginalized.

8 False Accusations

Narcissists use this emotional manipulation tactic to falsely accuse their victims of doing things that they themselves are guilty of.

For example, they may accuse you of flirting with other people when in fact they are the ones watching you.

By doing this, the narcissist makes you defend yourself against their accusations, effectively diverting attention from their actions and shifting the focus to your own perceived wrongdoings.

This emotional manipulation tactic is highly effective at confusing and disorienting the victim. You find yourself immersed in defending your innocence, giving the narcissist control over the narrative.

9 Emotional Manipulation by Proxy

Some narcissists may engage others in emotional manipulation, influencing their perceptions to make them feel like you are the one who is wrong, irrational, or unreliable.

For example, the narcissist may share distorted versions of events or exaggerate your reactions to others, making you appear unreliable or emotionally unstable.

This can cause those around you to doubt your credibility and side with the narcissist.

Or you may confide in a mutual friend about the narcissist’s abusive behavior only to be met with surprise.

This creates a form of “tribal emotional manipulation” where disbelief and belittling of others mirrors the tactics the narcissist uses.

10 Projection

Many examples of psychological manipulation highlight the use of projection as a tactic of psychological manipulation.

If a narcissist is cheating on you, for example, they may turn the tables and accuse you of cheating, using projection as a psychological defense mechanism.

By accusing you of having the traits or intentions that the narcissist has, they create confusion and doubt in your mind, causing you to question your own reality.

The narcissist’s projection diverts attention from their actions and puts you on the defensive, forcing you to prove your innocence rather than address the narcissist’s behavior.

By projecting their flaws onto others, narcissists maintain control of the narrative and avoid accountability for their actions.

Related : 6 Things to Say to Make a Narcissist Feel Bad

Remember, if you suspect you are a victim of psychological manipulation, it is crucial to seek support from a professional therapist or counselor.

Is Psychological Manipulation Intentional?

Most cases of emotional manipulation are intentional, and many narcissists use these manipulative tactics for a deliberate purpose.

Narcissists, who are fully aware of the psychological impact of their actions and words, strategically use emotional manipulation to control their victims, undermine their confidence, and maintain a sense of power in the relationship.

But sometimes, emotional manipulation can be unintentional.

How do you know if you’re being emotionally manipulated?

If you notice consistent patterns of manipulation or distortion, you may be experiencing emotional manipulation.

How do you know if a narcissist is cheating on you? Read my article to learn more about the signs of emotional manipulation and how to respond to different emotional manipulation tactics so that your self-esteem and sense of reality remain intact.

Why do narcissists resort to emotional manipulation?

Narcissists use emotional manipulation to control their victims and undermine their self-esteem and self-respect.

Psychological manipulation enables narcissists to avoid confronting their mistakes and continue to live in an alternate reality where their perceived superiority and perfection are not challenged.

By distorting your perception of reality and fostering doubt in your judgments, narcissists can perpetuate their dominance and manipulate situations to their advantage.

This control of the narrative allows narcissists to perpetuate a facade of grandiosity, deflecting any responsibility for their actions while keeping you emotionally dependent and troubled.

How Common Is Psychological Manipulation in Narcissists?

Many narcissists use psychological manipulation tactics on a daily basis, whether they are aware of it or not.

Studies and clinical observations have shown that narcissists use psychological manipulation to undermine their victims’ perceptions, self-confidence, and independence.

While the exact frequency may vary from individual to individual, psychological manipulation is generally a common tool used by narcissists to exert power and maintain dominance over their victims.

Can You Protect Yourself from Psychological Manipulation?

The best way to protect yourself from psychological manipulation is to avoid it altogether. Psychological manipulation relies on the involvement of both the manipulator and the victim, so if you withdraw from the interaction, you can prevent further psychological manipulation.

Getting the support of trusted friends, family members, and mental health professionals like me can also help you cope with the emotional burden of psychological manipulation.

By prioritizing self-care, practicing critical thinking, and staying grounded, you can become more resilient in the face of psychological manipulation and give yourself a fighting chance to survive the experience.