When you were a child, you copied everything your mother did. You inhaled when she inhaled, exhaled when she did, smiled when she smiled, and cried when you saw that she was sad.
This is how you learned to communicate and interact with others, and you continue to do so to create a bond and a sense of familiarity with them.
Copying is a psychological phenomenon where one person imitates another person’s behavior, gestures, expressions, and even beliefs.
This is done to create a connection, create familiarity, and establish understanding—but that’s not why narcissists copy you.
Narcissists copy your behavior to gain your trust, create a false sense of familiarity, gather information that they can use against you, and shape their sense of identity.
Let’s explore the topic further, looking at the psychology and purpose behind narcissistic copying and what they might gain from this imitation.
10 Reasons Why Narcissists Copy You
1 To Destroy You
When you first meet a narcissist, you may not even notice that they are copying you. You certainly won’t wonder, “Why do narcissists copy?” Instead, you’ll be very concerned with how attractive and attentive he is.
They seem to instinctively know what makes you happy and do their best to accommodate your every desire.
They seem to share your values, liking what you like and despising what you disapprove of. It seems like a match made in heaven—and that’s exactly what the narcissist intends.
By mirroring your likes and dislikes, the narcissist can reinvent themselves as the perfect partner. They’re living a false self anyway, so creating another layer of facade based on your preferences isn’t particularly difficult.
Mimicry is also a key part of social intelligence, which most narcissists are great at. Unfortunately, it’s also a trait that narcissists love to exploit.
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They use their social intelligence to convince you of genuine affection when all they really care about is getting their dose of narcissistic display.
2 Build Trust
It may seem strange, but we trust people who imitate us. Research shows that we are more likely to trust someone who mimics our gestures or expressions and will “actively look for similarities” in people who mimic us.
Narcissists are well aware of this and use mimicry to build false trust.
Narcissists skillfully copy your behaviors, actions, and even your speech patterns, creating an illusion of familiarity and understanding that makes you think you are truly compatible.
Once a narcissist has gained your trust, they can manipulate you even more effectively. They will use the perceived similarities between you as a means of influencing your decisions and emotions.
Imagine you’re an avid football fan, and you meet someone who seems equally passionate about the sport.
They show a keen interest in your team, watching games with you and discussing each player in detail. This shared interest makes you feel like you’ve found someone who truly understands you.
As the relationship progresses, the narcissist may use this to manipulate you.
They may threaten to stop watching games with you unless you agree to do something for them or bully you into spending extra money on premium seats for them and their friends.
By taking advantage of your natural tendency to trust those who seem similar, they gain a foothold in your life, allowing them to more easily orchestrate their manipulative schemes.
3 Information Gathering
Have you ever wondered, “Why do narcissists copy what you say?” One reason is to gather information.
The more relaxed and comfortable you feel, the more likely you are to open up about yourself, giving the narcissist all sorts of ammunition they can use against you later.
Imitation makes us feel comfortable and safe in someone’s presence. If someone laughs, and we laugh too, we share an intimate moment, which makes us more trusting in the relationship and more willing to reveal our vulnerable sides.
Narcissists exploit this tendency, mimicking your words and reactions, to create the illusion of shared experiences and mutual understanding.
If you trust them, they will use your words against you later, turning your vulnerabilities into tools of manipulation.
For example, imagine that you share a personal story about a difficult experience. The narcissist listens intently, mirroring your feelings and concerns.
Later, during an argument, he or she may weaponize this information, using your words to undermine your emotional stability and make you doubt your own perspective.
This tactic is especially powerful because it catches you off guard—after all, he or she seemed so sympathetic when you shared the story.
Narcissistic mirroring isn’t about genuine connection or understanding; it’s about gathering ammunition for future manipulation.
By exploiting your trust and vulnerability, they manipulate you into feeling more connected and dependent on them while using the information they’ve gathered to control and deceive you.
4 To gain your admiration
Why do narcissists copy what you do? It’s often just a way to gain your attention and admiration.
By mimicking someone’s actions, interests, or traits, they create a sense of familiarity and shared values, which encourages increased admiration.
Once this is established, the narcissist can exploit it to boost their self-esteem and satisfy their need for validation. Imagine you have a colleague who is known for his work ethic and dedication to the job. He is so respected that the narcissist decides to imitate him to gain similar admiration.
Narcissists begin to adopt the same work habits and even volunteer for extra tasks, mirroring the diligent behavior of an admired colleague.
They also emphasize their accomplishments and dedication to projects during team meetings, seeking validation for their efforts.
Related : How to Force a Narcissistic Breakdown?
They intend to impress their colleagues and bosses, and benefit from the positive attention the admired colleague receives.
By aligning their behavior with the highly valued traits in the workplace, they create the illusion of shared values and dedication, which leads to positive feedback and admiration from others.
5 To Create a Sense of Identity
Why Do Narcissists Copy Everything?
Just as looking in the mirror validates our physical presence, reflection helps the narcissist develop a sense of self.
Despite appearing to have strong personalities, narcissists lack a sense of core self.
This makes the narcissist completely dependent on the behavior of others to validate their fragile ego. By imitating you, they can create a sense of identity for themselves.
For example, a narcissist meets an exceptionally talented violinist and quickly becomes fascinated by their talent. They adopt the same musical interests, mimic the person’s preferences, and even learn the same instrument.
At first, the narcissist’s similar behavior may seem innocent, but it soon becomes more obvious. They may begin to dress similarly to the person, talk about the same musical topics, and even mimic their mannerisms.
The narcissist attempts to incorporate these traits into their own identity by imitating the other person’s musical interests and talents.
This mimicry allows the narcissist to fill the void left by their lack of essence and gain a temporary sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Mimicry can be a compensatory strategy for narcissists, allowing them to “borrow” traits from others to create a semblance of identity.
It’s a way for them to temporarily feel connected to another person’s strengths while trying to build a sense of self that they inherently lack.
How to Tell if a Narcissist Is Copying/Mirror You?
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do narcissists copy everything?”, you’ve probably also wondered how to tell if a narcissist is mirroring you.
In some situations, it can be quite obvious. Every time you change your position, the narcissist does the same thing, and assumes the exact same pose as you.
However, narcissistic mirroring isn’t always that simple and can manifest itself in more subtle ways that require careful observation.
Here are some signs that a narcissist is mirroring you:
They suddenly develop an interest in the same hobbies you enjoy
They start using certain phrases or words that you normally use
They mimic your emotions, getting excited when you’re excited and depressed when you’re sad
They change their clothing style to match yours
They share your values and opinions, even on topics you previously disagreed with
They start mimicking your behaviors or facial expressions
They ask detailed questions about your past and personal history
How to Get a Narcissist to Stop Copying You
It can be difficult to get a narcissist to stop copying you, as this behavior is deeply ingrained in their manipulation tactics. However, here are some strategies you can consider:
Set clear boundaries: Define your personal boundaries and communicate clearly.
Variety your interests: If the narcissist mirrors your hobbies or interests, consider exploring new activities or topics that are different from what you’ve shared with them.
Limit personal information: Avoid sharing too much personal information with the narcissist. This can reduce the ammunition they have to copy or manipulate you.
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Monitor their reactions: If you notice the narcissist copying you when you discuss certain topics or exhibit certain behaviors, consider emphasizing these aspects to discourage copying.
Focus on yourself: Invest time and energy in your personal growth and well-being. When you prioritize your personal development, you may become less preoccupied with the narcissist’s behavior.
Create a healthy distance: If mirroring becomes too manipulative or harmful, consider limiting contact with the narcissist. This can create a healthier environment for you to thrive.
Seek professional help: If your relationship with the narcissist is causing significant distress, consider seeking therapy or counseling.
What Happens When You Mirror a Narcissist?
When you mirror a narcissist, you are using their tactics against them.
This may be a conscious strategy to expose their manipulative behavior, create discomfort, or simply a way to regain a sense of control. However, the effectiveness of mimicking the narcissist’s behavior can vary.
While mimicking the narcissist’s behavior may expose their manipulative tactics, it may also put them on the defensive, causing them to distract or shift blame.
If they learn that you are mimicking them, this may disrupt their sense of control, leading to narcissistic anger. Likewise, they may see the mimicry as a challenge to their dominance, which can have similar consequences.
On the other hand, if the narcissist observes your mirroring behavior, they may see it as validation of their own manipulative tactics, reinforcing their beliefs about control and power.
Mimicking the narcissist’s behavior can be a risky strategy, as it can lead to more conflict and manipulation.
