Avoidant personality disorder is not limited to the everyday fears that most of us experience.

We all fear rejection and embarrassment in social situations, and these feelings are considered normal, but what if you have a deep, lifelong fear of rejection that has been so ingrained in you that it has affected your daily life?

People with avoidant personality disorder are extremely sensitive to rejection, and are often extremely shy by nature and have an innate sense of distrust of those around them.

This affects their daily lives in countless ways, from avoiding social situations, avoiding relationships, to being isolated in their homes.

So how do you separate the symptoms of avoidant personality disorder from normal everyday fears?

People with avoidant personality disorder will struggle tremendously when it comes to social situations and work. This is because they are so anxious about:

• Rejection
• Criticism
• Disapproval
• Ridicule
• Embarrassment

Avoidant personality disorder affects every part of a person’s life because the person with it believes that they simply aren’t good enough. Therefore, this can manifest itself in relationships, work, and social situations. A person with avoidant personality disorder is usually alone and does not form relationships easily, but when they do, it will be with a partner who they believe will not reject them.

This may lead them to form unhealthy relationships or, rather than risk rejection or humiliation, they will choose to be alone. Experts have identified characteristics that make up a diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder:

Early onset – Symptoms begin in early adulthood (around the 20s)

Avoidance of people – The person begins to withdraw from people unless they are certain that they will be liked

Withdraws from activities – The person begins to withdraw from any type of social activity that involves personal contact

Excessive sensitivity to criticism – The person begins to feel intense anxiety when criticized

Believes that they are socially incompetent – As their repression increases, they see themselves as inferior and withdraw further

Pervasive in all situations – Feelings of incompetence occur at home, at work, and in any social situation

Severe distress and impairment – The person’s entire life is affected

Causes of Avoidant Personality Disorder

Around 2.4% of the population is thought to suffer from avoidant personality disorder, according to a 2002 NESARC study. Auditory processing disorder is most severe in a person’s early 20s and tends to decline in their late 40s and 50s.

As for the causes, researchers still do not know exactly why this disorder starts but they believe that it is a combination of nature and nurture factors with no single explanation for why the disorder affects a person. In fact, there may be several reasons. One may be physical and the other may be psychological, for example:

People with a certain genetic disease that affects their appearance may be at risk

Those who have suffered abuse in the form of severe criticism and bullying from their parents are at risk.

In the case of the physical aspect, the genetic distortion that makes a child stand out from their peers can affect how they interact and develop during their educational stages. If they are shunned and ridiculed at an early age, they may not have the skills necessary to interact as a young adult.

As for psychological abuse, if a child is constantly bullied and criticized by their parents for not being good enough, they grow up with a sense of inadequacy that will stay with them throughout their adult years.

Of course, we also have to consider the child themselves. If they have a strong temperament, personality and learned coping skills, they will not develop avoidant personality disorder.

So the logic is clear, it is possible that there is no single factor responsible for avoidant personality disorder and it is likely that a combination or perhaps all three factors are needed for a child to develop this condition.

How to Treat Avoidant Personality Disorder

Treating avoidant personality disorder is very difficult because the way to break the cycle of fear of rejection is to build the patient’s confidence, but a lifetime of low self-esteem makes this very difficult.

Most treatments for avoidant personality disorder involve psychotherapy (also known as talk therapy or counselling). It works well when the person with avoidant personality disorder goes to therapy on their own. The therapist will set small goals that they feel are achievable and after much counselling.

The focus will be on building self-confidence and self-esteem and focusing on the person feeling better about themselves. This can be done by giving them coping skills and tools to help. This type of treatment is usually short-term.

Longer treatments involve more intensive sessions, perhaps with groups, so that the person can develop the ability to communicate with others and engage in society.