Self-absorption may be responsible for most mental health problems, psychological research suggests.

My heart has never been more badly hurt than when my enemy’s words came. Of course, I didn’t know she was my enemy until months later, hence the sudden pain. I seemed to be obsessed with myself, and of course, I didn’t know I was a victim of this narcissistic trait. I recall the moment she walked up to me with angry eyes and a shaking finger and said,

“You know what your problem is? It’s always all about you!”

Before that, I didn’t know that feeling confident and special was such a bad thing. I’m not saying it was, but I clearly gave off a lot of that confident air. I ran after my enemy, wanting to know why she thought I was so obsessed with myself, but she ignored me. It was like I should have known better. The truth is, part of me knew what I was doing, while another part of me wanted to cling tightly to the high that seemed so innocent. The truth between them announced itself as “balance.”

How to Identify Self-Absorption?

Self-absorption, self-preoccupation, and selfishness are not always easy to recognize. Sometimes, their subtle qualities trick you into feeling good. But if you look closely at your actions, you begin to realize that your “enemy” may have been right all along.

Self-absorption is defined as being so preoccupied with yourself that you shut out the outside world. Sounds simple enough, right? No, because this definition sometimes falls into a gray area where it’s hard to distinguish between self-care and self-obsessed personality. It’s like teetering on the edge, between selfishness and altruism.

Mental Disorders

When a person is self-absorbed, concern for the feelings of others fades into the background. Unfortunately, self-absorbed people don’t make the best friends, and they tend to spend a lot of time caring about themselves and even thinking about their own status. I think it’s like overconfidence, or something like that. Self-absorption can be seen in serious character flaws and even illnesses as well.

Psychological disorders such as bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and even addiction have shown traits of selfishness and self-absorption. Those with borderline personality disorder also exhibit tendencies towards self-absorption.

In this case, BPD patients have problems understanding the reality of their environment, which causes them to be unable to draw successful conclusions from others. Of course, we cannot deny the presence of self-absorption when dealing with narcissism. In fact, self-absorption is the main characteristic of a narcissistic personality.

It is safe to say that all narcissists and people with BPD are self-absorbed, but not all self-absorbed individuals have personality disorders. This is where the gray area fades further. Psychologists must determine the reasons why mentally ill people use self-absorption.

It is clear that self-absorption acts stem from defensive feelings and detachment from reality. So what excuse can the rest of us have?

“Underneath their selfishness, they’re probably afraid of feeling flawed, incompetent, unworthy, or out of control,” says Dan Neuharth, PhD, a marriage and family therapist.

Translate that to the description of an anxiety patient, and it fits perfectly. Those with severe anxiety struggle with insecurities and vulnerability that lead to passive self-absorption or even the other side of the coin, compulsive self-worship in defense tactics.

“When you’re anxious, it narrows your attention. You feel like you have to go back inside yourself and figure things out — ‘Do you really love me?’ or ‘Am I really a good person?’” Adam Galinsky, a social psychologist at Columbia Business School, said in a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology .

Is Destroying Self-Absorption the Key to Solving These Disorders?

Now, there’s a controversial belief that self-absorption is the reason we can’t permanently recover from mental illness. I didn’t say I believe this, but it’s a consideration to keep in mind. According to Buddhists, illnesses like depression are almost entirely made up of selfish thoughts. Self-loathing is also a way of being self-absorbed.

During depression, according to Buddhist belief, everything revolves around the self: I’m not happy, I want to die, etc. The most common thought is to feel sorry for yourself. Unfortunately, this negative self-centered outlook becomes a vicious cycle that is not easily broken, leading to darker paths.

Negative Effects of Self-Indulgence

There are many things that are born from self-indulgence. Researchers have found that self-indulgence shortens life and impairs health. This disease can also affect relationships because unions are designed to care for two people, not one. Engaging in self-indulgence can also cloud your worldview and further damage your mental health.

SoLet’sTuneOurCharacter

If you are self-indulgent, or have been labeled by your “enemy” as this harmful identity, there is hope. One of the best ways I have found to curb the temptation of self-indulgence is to focus on its opposite. No, the opposite of self-indulgence is not self-denial and altruism.

On the contrary, it seems that the cure lies in practicing self-awareness and introspection. Always examining our motivations is a good way to keep this self-centered monster at bay. I really think that’s the key!

Other ways to break out of this self-cage are to spend more time helping others, listening to their stories, their issues, and their plans for the future. No, it’s not all about you! Get over it!

When you can remind yourself that you’re not the only concern and that you’re worthy, just like everyone else, you’ll begin to break out of the self-absorption cycle. I’m grateful to the enemy for showing me something I didn’t even see in myself, but it’s better to be able to see it before you’re told. Self-examination reveals the truth about our motivations, remember that!

There are billions of us, so take the time to appreciate the world outside of yourself. Hey, even your enemies might change their minds. Who knows…