Have you ever wondered why you keep getting attracted to narcissists? It may have been bad luck the first time, but the second or even third time?

If you keep getting attracted to narcissists, it probably has nothing to do with bad luck.

The short explanation is that narcissists are looking for what they lack: empathy. That’s why empaths and narcissists often start dating each other.

Here are nine reasons why you keep getting attracted to these narcissists.

1 Low Self-Esteem

If you have low self-esteem, you may be unwittingly attracting narcissists who can exploit your insecurities to their advantage.

The reasons for this attraction can be complex and multifaceted. You may find yourself tolerating narcissistic behavior because you don’t believe you deserve better or you think you can find someone more respectful.

Your insecurities can be a breeding ground for narcissists, who thrive on putting others down in order to lift themselves up.

It’s not your fault that you’re in this situation. It’s the narcissist who preys on your vulnerabilities. However, you can take steps to build your self-esteem and break this cycle.

2 Empathetic Nature

While boosting your self-esteem can help deter narcissists, your empathetic nature can unfortunately attract them.

Related !: 14 Things Narcissists Say When They Gaslight You! How Many Have You Heard?

Narcissists are often drawn to empaths because your understanding and sensitivity provide the attention they crave.

Your empathy makes you naturally caring, always ready to lend an ear or a shoulder. You’re there to comfort them, applaud their accomplishments, and soothe their failures. This attention is irresistible to narcissists, because it feeds their need for validation and admiration.

Your empathetic nature makes you easy for narcissists to manipulate. They can play on your emotions, knowing that you’re likely to respond with understanding and forgiveness, even when they’re wrong.

This can create a vicious cycle where they continually exploit your empathy, knowing that you’ll always be there to pick up the pieces.

3 People-Pleasing Tendencies

Your tendency to please others can make you particularly attractive to narcissists. As a people-pleaser, you always go out of your way to make others happy and comfortable.

This is a trait that narcissists find irresistible. They are drawn to your willingness to prioritize their needs and desires, often at your own expense.

You’re always there to lend an ear, offer support, or do whatever it takes to make them feel good.

You’re the person they can count on to boost their ego, and they know you rarely say no.

This is because you equate your self-worth with what you can do for others, and narcissists, who are selfish and exploitative, take full advantage of this.

4 Avoid Conflict

By avoiding conflict, you may inadvertently attract narcissists who see it as an opportunity to take control of the relationship without resistance.

You may think that avoiding conflict keeps the peace, but it can also leave room for the narcissist to step in and take control.

Narcissists thrive on power and control, and if you don’t stand up for yourself, they’ll happily take over.

They see your avoidance of conflict as a green light to impose their will, knowing that you’re less likely to fight back. This isn’t a healthy dynamic; it’s an imbalance that can drain you emotionally.

5 No Boundaries

Just as avoiding conflict can inadvertently attract narcissists, the absence of strong boundaries presents another opportunity for these individuals to seize control.

You may think you’re coping by letting things go or not making a fuss. However, by doing so, you’re enabling the narcissist’s selfish behavior.

Consider the following scenario: You’re always available when they call, you’re constantly forgiving them for their mistakes, and you put their needs above your own.

To the narcissist, this sends a clear message that they can treat you however they want, without consequence.

Narcissists often don’t respect other people’s boundaries. They may see your flexibility as a weakness that can be exploited. If you don’t assert your needs or stand up for yourself, they may take advantage of that and push you further.

6 Past Trauma or Abuse

Often, individuals who have experienced past trauma or abuse may find themselves unconsciously drawn to narcissists.

This attraction may stem from deeply ingrained behavioral patterns learned during periods of emotional distress. If you’ve endured such experiences, understanding how they’ve impacted your relationships is worthwhile.

Past trauma can make you more susceptible to the manipulative tactics that narcissists often use.

This vulnerability comes from a desire to recreate your past and hope for a different outcome—a psychological phenomenon called repetition compulsion.

You may unknowingly try to “fix” your past by seeking out partners who embody characteristics of those who hurt you.

Past abuse may have conditioned you to associate love with pain, making it difficult for you to recognize healthy relationships.

Related : 15 Reasons Why Narcissists Ruin Your Birthday

You may feel drawn to the emotional rollercoaster that a narcissist offers, finding familiarity in the turmoil.

7 The Desire for Validation

In your quest for validation, you may unknowingly attract narcissists who can manipulate this need to their advantage. Narcissists are adept at identifying vulnerabilities; your desire for affirmation can become a magnet for them.

They may initially shower you with the attention you crave, making you feel seen and appreciated.

However, this often turns out to be a bait-and-switch scenario. Once they’ve attracted you, they can withhold this validation, using it to control and manipulate you.

This isn’t to say that seeking validation is fundamentally wrong. Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated.

However, when your self-esteem becomes entirely dependent on external validation, it can lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics.

8 Codependency

You may be wondering what codependency has to do with attracting narcissists.

Well, codependency is a behavioral state in a relationship where one partner enables the other to be addicted, immature, irresponsible, or underachieving. This can manifest itself in relationships with narcissists quite frequently.

As you can see, codependents often find themselves in relationships where their needs are secondary to their partner’s.

They mistakenly believe that they can change their narcissistic partners by offering endless support and love.

This one-sided dynamic allows narcissists to take advantage of the situation, exploiting the codependent’s desire to constantly put others before themselves.

Furthermore, codependents often have a fear of rejection, stemming from a deeply held belief that they are not good enough.

Related : 20 Things That Drive Narcissists Absolutely Nuts

This insecurity, coupled with an overwhelming need to be wanted, plays into the hands of the narcissist. They pounce, offering the illusion of love and validation, only to use the codependent for their own gain.

9 Fear of Loneliness

While it is natural to desire companionship, the fear of loneliness can sometimes lead you into the arms of a narcissist.

This fear of loneliness can cause you to overlook warning signs, tolerate toxic behavior, or even justify the narcissist’s actions.

You may compromise your needs and boundaries just to keep someone around. This comes at a high cost, as it can lead to emotional exhaustion, low self-esteem, and an unhealthy cycle.

Craving companionship shouldn’t mean settling for less than you deserve.

It’s crucial to realize that being alone doesn’t mean feeling lonely. It’s better to be single than to be in an abusive relationship. Living alone can provide you with space for self-discovery, personal growth, and independence.

BeforeLeaving

You’re not doomed to a life filled with narcissists. Understanding your role in attracting them is the first step to breaking the cycle.

Start by building your self-esteem, setting boundaries, and recognizing unhealthy behaviors.

Remember that your empathetic nature is a strength, not a weakness. You deserve healthy, respectful relationships. Stand tall and prioritize your needs; you’ll soon attract the kind of love you deserve.