Spotting a narcissist isn’t as simple as seeing someone who is selfish or boastful. It’s much more complicated, with signs that can go unnoticed if you don’t know what to look for.
Experts suggest that certain behaviors, such as a constant need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy, are key indicators of narcissism. But how can you tell if these traits are just an isolated occurrence or part of a larger pattern?
Having some of the following traits is a strong sign that someone is a narcissist.
1 Overconfidence:
They constantly talk about their accomplishments, skills, and connections, strongly believing in their superiority.
One of the most glaring traits you’ll notice in narcissists is their overconfidence, which often manifests itself through constant bragging about their accomplishments, abilities, and social connections, reflecting their deep belief in their superiority.
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They won’t waste time telling you that they’re the best at what they do, and that they effortlessly outshine everyone else. They will take every opportunity to remind you of their relationships, calling you names like confetti.
However, don’t mistake this for harmless self-esteem. It’s a distorted sense of self-worth designed to mask their own insecurities. They are quick to dismiss others’ accomplishments, and they always put the spotlight on themselves.
This overconfidence permeates not only their conversations, but also their actions, as they make decisions without considering the potential consequences or the feelings of others.
2 Need for Admiration
They are constantly seeking compliments and affirmations about their appearance, abilities, or accomplishments.
The narcissist’s constant need for admiration is evident in their constant pursuit of compliments and affirmations about their appearance, talents, or accomplishments.
They are always looking for praise, and they ensure that the spotlight is always on them. They enjoy being the center of attention, and they take every opportunity to show off their perceived superiority.
But be careful, because this is not just about vanity. It is an essential part of their self-image, and a necessity for survival.
They rely on admiration to validate their inflated self-worth. Any slight hint of criticism or perceived slight is met with hostility or deep distress.
3 Feelings of Entitlement
They often demand your time and attention and expect you to prioritize their needs over yours.
Narcissists have a deep sense of entitlement, often manifested in constant demands for your time and attention.
They are like the sun, and you are expected to revolve around them, always at their beck and call. Their needs, wants, and whims take precedence over yours.
They often get angry if you are unable or unwilling to drop everything to meet their demands. It is not uncommon for them to react with anger or sullenness if they do not get what they want.
They have a strong belief that they are inherently entitled to privileges or special treatment. This sense of entitlement is not limited to you; they expect the same from others.
4 Lack of Empathy
They may not show any understanding or interest in your feelings or experiences, and they often dismiss or minimize your emotions.
You may notice a striking lack of empathy in your interactions with them. They will show little interest in your feelings or experiences, and will often dismiss your emotions as trivial.
You may share a painful experience, expecting support or understanding, but they will dismiss it without a second thought. It’s as if the hurt you’ve experienced isn’t worth their time. You may even feel like they’re belittling your emotions, making you question their validity.
This lack of empathy isn’t because they can’t understand your feelings; they don’t care. It’s not because they’re incapable of empathy. They’ve chosen to ignore them.
5 Playing the Victim
They portray themselves as the innocent or victim in situations, often to manipulate you or shift blame.
You may often find that covert narcissists wear the victim’s cloak to manipulate situations to their advantage. They are experts at playing the innocent, even when they’re clearly in the wrong. It’s a strategy they use to shift blame or gain sympathy.
You’ll notice them blaming others for their mistakes or making up stories to make themselves look like the victim. They are adept at avoiding responsibility and twisting reality to fit their narrative.
6 Jealousy
They may feel threatened or resentful when you succeed or receive positive attention.
When you shine in the spotlight or bask in the glory of an accomplishment, covert narcissists often seethe with jealousy, feeling threatened or resentful.
Why? Because your success diverts attention from them. That attention, in their view, is rightfully theirs.
They are unable to celebrate your victories honestly. Instead, they may downplay your accomplishments or compare them unfavorably to their own.
They are likely to feel intense envy, resentment, bitterness, or hostility. You will notice this through their negative comments, cold attitude, or blatant disregard for your accomplishments.
7 Passive Aggression
They may overthink or act rather than communicate openly about what’s bothering them.
Another telltale sign of covert narcissist behavior is their tendency to overthink or act rather than communicate openly about what’s bothering them. This passive-aggressive behavior can make it difficult for you to understand their feelings.
Instead of sharing their problems, they may complain, give you the silent treatment, or act destructively.
They are not straightforward about their feelings, and this indirect approach can lead to confusion and stress. It’s a way for them to maintain control and avoid vulnerability.
8 Controlling Conversations
They may often monopolize conversations, making it difficult for others to exchange words.
Covert narcissists often take control of conversations, leaving little room for others to express their thoughts or opinions. They will direct discussions toward themselves, and you may find it difficult to exchange words.
It’s not just that they talk too much; it’s that they control the conversation to keep the focus on their experiences, accomplishments, or problems. They tend to ignore what you’ve said, and rarely ask questions about your life or feelings.
This isn’t a simple case of talking too much; it’s a way for them to maintain control and assert superiority.
So, if you consistently feel like you’re not being heard, ignored, or disrespected during discussions with someone, it could be a sign that you’re dealing with a narcissist. Watch for this behavior, as it’s a strong warning sign.
9 Defensiveness
They often react negatively to criticism or feedback, whether it’s constructive or relatively minor.
You may be dealing with a covert narcissist if you notice a consistent pattern of negative reactions to criticism, no matter how small or constructive it may be.
This defensiveness often stems from a fragile self-esteem that they are trying to protect. Any hint of criticism can be taken as a direct attack on their self-worth, prompting them to retaliate or withdraw.
They are likely to twist the situation, portraying themselves as the victim. It is common for them to become argumentative, refusing to acknowledge any validity in your point of view.
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It’s not just their reactions to big issues. Pay close attention to how they respond to even the smallest criticism. A pattern of disproportionate defensiveness can be a telltale sign of covert narcissism.
10 Exaggerated Storytelling
They often recreate stories or situations to put themselves in a better light, appearing more impressive or important.
If they regularly exaggerate stories to make themselves look better or more important, you may be dealing with a covert narcissist.
They are masters of telling exaggerated stories, often reshaping narratives to make themselves appear more positive. It’s not just about being the hero; they want to be the most heroic.
They don’t just show up for events; they’re the life of the party. This constant need to outdo others, even in storytelling, is a clear sign of narcissism. But remember, it’s not your job to fix them, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to tolerate their ego.
11 Need for Control
They tend to insist on making all the decisions, which often limits your freedom of choice.
If you notice a relentless need for control in someone who insists on making all the decisions to the point of limiting your freedom of choice, you may be dealing with a covert narcissist. This trait, which is the hallmark of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, is often subtle and can be mistaken for assertiveness or confidence.
However, it is the pervasive and insidious nature of this control that sets them apart. They will make decisions for you, ignoring your opinions or desires, and justify this with excuses like “I know what’s best.” This is a clear red flag.
12 Overreacting When Attention Diverts
They may act out or become angry when attention shifts from them to someone else, demonstrating their inability to share the attention.
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When attention shifts away from the covert narcissist, they often react with jealousy or even anger, unable to share their attention with others. They are like a child who can’t stand it when their sibling receives a gift.
When you talk about a friend’s accomplishment, they are likely to interject with a similar, if not greater, story. Or they will criticize the person you are complimenting, trying to shift the focus back to themselves. Their inability to celebrate the successes of others is a red flag for narcissism.
They may overreact, becoming agitated or withdrawn. Their envy is obvious, and they are not good at hiding it.
