Their carefully crafted charm draws you in, and the toxic traits that shed the mask of pretense repel them – the world of narcissists is a real minefield that is taken more seriously every day.
Narcissists make a mess wherever they go and never stay to clean up the mess – they would rather laugh it off and move on to the next person.
Exposing the toxic layers of a narcissist will reveal their toxic traits, but bringing them to you that way is much less painful.
So, what are the most toxic traits of a narcissist?
Let’s take a look!
1 Predictable Psychological Manipulation
Psychological manipulation is like living in an upside-down world. Wrong is right, up is down, reality is fake, and bad is good.
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It doesn’t feel right. Why would anyone volunteer to live this way, and have been influenced by the narcissist’s control over them and continue to live in a way that makes them feel constantly guilty.
Emotional manipulation looks like this:
Denial of reality to you –
The narcissist denies the events that happened or remembers them differently from the actual truth. They do this to bend reality and use coercive tactics to lure you into believing them.
Blaming Others –
Truth – Narcissists will never take the blame for what they have done wrong. If you are hurt, it is you who is hurting, not them hurting you.
Projection –
Anything negative the narcissist feels is placed directly on you. Why? They don’t want to bear it! It is a burden they are not responsible for, so you feel controlled, manipulated, or even dishonest.
Isolation –
There is no hesitation in cutting off your relationships with the people you love, so you feel alone and dependent on the narcissist even more.
This way they can twist the truth as much as they want, and have more control over your perception of reality.
2 Lack of Accountability – “Who, me?”
A narcissist is never responsible for anything that leads to chaos or misunderstanding.
They will attach their name to their success, even if they don’t achieve it, but they will never get involved where the incidents are centered.
Excuses will pour out of them as they throw up their hands and say, “This had nothing to do with me?”
Such statements always come after someone has suffered harm, like the consequences of the tight strings the narcissist has always been pulling.
The cycle of dysfunction usually means that people will look to each other to see who is to blame, and by the time they realize something is wrong, the narcissist has long since disappeared.
They know exactly what they are doing, and they love it.
3 Triangulation
Triangulation occurs frequently in family and friendship dynamics and is extremely toxic.
The narcissist will see two people getting along and feel threatened by the bond they naturally form together.
If there is a bond to be fused, the narcissist will do everything in their power to disperse it – creating an unhappy outcome for you and the person you were getting along with.
Triangulation is born out of narcissistic envy and is used to create tension where there was none before. It’s another dirty game they play because their motto is divide and conquer!
This brings us right back to all the original narcissistic statements:
A narcissist is never happy until everyone around them is unhappy.
They will weaken your bond, trap you in a rift in a blossoming relationship or friendship, and ensure that you are at odds rather than in harmony.
The toxicity flows in how they make the people who have been separated feel – imagine something being taken from you based on lies and deceit.
4 They Exaggerate Your Flaws
Now, this is the kind of toxic trait that you’ll miss if you’re not looking closely enough.
How on earth can they exaggerate your flaws?
Easy!
A narcissist will be extremely critical of you. Did you buy a new sweater? It makes you look short/fat/dull.
Did you get an 85% on a test? Well, not a 90 or 95%. Did you get a nice haircut?
That style might have suited you ten years ago, but not now. Did you get a new car? It’s not as nice as the one your sister has.
Related : People With Narcissistic Parents Grow up Having These 10 Traits
These small, subtle comments that they can raise their hand to and say, “No, I didn’t mean it that way; you know I love you,” are still toxic.
Saying something mean, then smiling through an apology, is a well-thought-out act that makes you feel like you’re not good enough.
5 Their Deliberate Silence
No matter who I talk to, they all agree that the absolute worst toxic trait when it comes to a narcissist is…
The silent treatment.
It’s hurtful, disappointing, and unsettling, and it’s an ongoing tactic that a narcissist uses to make you feel bad and doubt yourself.
Why do they use the silent treatment, and how is it so effective at producing toxic consequences?
They refuse to take blame
If something happens that puts them in the line of fire, they will put out the fire with their silence.
Suddenly, as if by some perverted magic, attention and focus shift from what they did to you, suddenly, and they’re overwhelmed with anxiety and confusion because of their silence.
To manipulate you!
The silent treatment gets a response from you, right?
Whether it’s asking, “Are you okay?” every five minutes or racking your brain over where you went wrong and what you did to cause this silent treatment to develop.
You’ve been ignored to make you feel guilty; then you become desperate for some reconciliation and exhibit high levels of anxiety.
They Want Punishment
Whether the wrongs are real or perceived – the narcissist will use the silent treatment to punish you.
Withholding affection, attention, or any other form of positive communication will take a toll on you in the long run unless you start to see how toxic it really is.
They Love and Need to Take Charge
What happens when you’re given the silent treatment? Have you ever wondered who’s in charge?
A narcissist dictates the conversation when they’re silent, which means they’re planning and allowing interactions to play out exactly as they hoped.
Where does that leave you?
Without power and a whole lot of vulnerability.
You become dependent on their dependence
You start to want them more if they stay quiet long enough. You look for a shred of affection or a glimmer of hope that they will be there again.
This dependence on them removes any self-reliance you could have built and cultivated within yourself.
You become dependent on their dependence
You start to want them more if they stay quiet long enough. You look for a shred of affection or a glimmer of hope that they will be there again.
This dependence on them removes any self-reliance you could have built and cultivated within yourself.
